Saying Sorry: A Character Trait of Success

Sorry:

Feeling sorrow, regret or penitence

Remorse:

A distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs

Judges commonly vary a criminal’s length of sentencing based on their level of remorse. Why? When individuals are not sorry for what they have done, they are not taking responsibility for their actions.

That condition is not restricted to the courtroom.

Over the past few years, I have witnessed a very disturbing trend—people who never apologize for their actions, no matter how at fault they might be!

Perfection is not only improbable, it is impossible. If you are alive, odds are you will be involved in situations in which you should say Sorry—on a daily or at least a weekly basis. Here are some examples:

• You accidentally bump into someone at the shopping mall. You say Sorry.
• You send an email without the attachment. You say Sorry.
• You are insistent that the event is on a specific day, only to find you were wrong. You say Sorry.
• You make a mistake at work. You say Sorry.
• You lose your temper with your partner and make inappropriate statements in the heat of the moment. You say Sorry.

And on it goes.

Being or saying Sorry reflects an attitude of responsibility, humility and accountability. It means you acknowledge that your actions—intentional or accidental—have had a negative impact on others around you. You are taking ownership of your behavior. That is the quality of a winner who will build credibility with others.

But every day, both personally and professionally, people interact with individuals who do not, or will not, apologize for their actions. They reveal themselves very quickly; their attitude of indifference—with no apologies—immediately leaves a negative impression.

• You are shopping in the store. Someone bumps into you and yells, “Get out of the way!”
• In a heated moment, a person is unkind to their partner but says it is the partner’s fault. No remorse there.
• Someone is late for a dinner party. They blame a traffic accident but does not apologize for being late.
• Someone makes an error at work, explaining, “I’m not sure what happened,” but does not offer an apology.

Why this total lack of remorse?

• Many people who never say “I’m sorry” have deep-rooted feelings of insecurity and low self-worth. They cover up those conditions with the perceived strength of never apologizing.
• What they don’t realize is that the opposite is occurring. Your level of success and credibility is influenced by your willingness to apologize. It reflects your maturity and reveals whether you are able to take responsibility for your life.

Opposite humility are the characteristics of arrogance, self-centeredness and pride. Individuals with those traits feel superior to others; they are caught up in themselves.

In some situations, saying Sorry might be perceived as an admission of wrongdoing. Some people would rather die than admit they contributed to a painful situation. To these individuals, being right is more important than being truthful, mature or accountable.

Some individuals believe that saying Sorry is an admission of failure. Guilt, insecurities, pride, arrogance and lack of maturity contribute to their not apologizing for their actions.

Think about it for a moment. How willing are you to work or hang out with people who are never sorry for anything they do? They take no responsibility for failures and outcomes that were agreed to, but not met.

When an individual never says Sorry, you should be extremely concerned. Why? It will NEVER be their responsibility when anything goes wrong.

Lack of remorse is an offense. Individuals without remorse should be given a life sentence unless they shift their thinking.

I personally struggled with saying Sorry in my marriage. I believed that apologizing meant I was admitting I was wrong and that Brenda, my wife, was right. But then I realized that it actually should have been about the process, not about being right or wrong.

I am not suggesting that Sorry is always easy to say. In some situations, it will take courage, guts and every ounce of effort to apologize. But it will be worth it.

Action Steps

Saying Sorry: A Character Trait of Success

1. Think about this for a moment: Do you apologize when you cause an infraction, intentional or not?
2. Are there specific situations in which apologizing is more difficult for you? If so, why is that true for you?
3. How do you feel when someone does not apologize when they let you down, whether personally or professionally?
4. Just as a judge cannot force remorse on a convicted criminal, you cannot force a sincere apology from someone else.
5. When an apology is demanded, most people feel least like providing one. So, don’t ask.
6. In a professional or work setting, you can include “taking responsibility”—saying Sorry—as an expected code of conduct. In that setting, you can ask why an apology was not forthcoming.
7. It is strongly recommended that you avoid working with or hiring individuals with the character flaw of not wanting to apologize. CRG’s experience is that they are high-maintenance and don’t take responsibility for their work duties.
8. Not wanting to apologize is typically linked to immaturity, pride, arrogance, self-centeredness, insecurity and/or lack of self-worth. Those are hardly character traits you want to exude or be exposed to.
9. To establish your own roadmap for success, consider CRG’s assessments, the Personal Style Indicator and Values Preference Indicator.
10. No matter your situation, you can choose to apologize. In fact, this mindset and act of humility will generate increased success with others. Now who doesn’t want that?

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Ken Keis

For information on additional CRG resources, please visit https://www.crgleader.com.

About the Author:

Dr. Ken Keis, is a foremost global authority on behavioral assessment strategies and processes, and an expert in leadership, purpose, and wellness. He has authored over 4 million words of content, including 500 articles, 4 books, and a dozen assessments to help others realize their full potential.

President and CEO of Consulting Resource Group International (CRG), Dr. Keis has worked with many high-profile companies, associations, and industry groups. In the past 30 years, Ken has conducted more than 3,000 presentations and 10,000 hours of coaching and consulting. He is a highly sought-after author, speaker, trainer, media guest and also host of The Secrets of Success Podcast with Dr. Ken Keis.

His latest books, Why Aren’t You More Like Me?, Deliberate Leadership, and The Quest For Purpose!

To learn more on how Ken or CRG can serve you go to www.kenkeis.com and www.crgleader.com .

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