Saying "I'll Be Happy When" is Hurting Your Confidence ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. Quick Confidence is also a bestselling book! Get your copy to carry confidence wherever you go.?

“Once I have my degree, I’ll be happy.”

“Once I meet my person, I’ll be happy.”

“Once I get a job at a cool company, I’ll be happy.”

Have you ever told yourself stories like these??

I certainly have! In fact, phrases like these have been my main motivator for most of my life. I used to think they were empowering thoughts that fueled me to achieve more and more...until I would finally be the happiest person in the world.

One day, I achieved one of those goals – a big promotion. And you know what? Almost nothing changed! I still looked the same in the mirror, lived in the same place, had the same relationships, and had the same strengths and weaknesses as I did before the promotion.?

Reaching my goal, and having it fail to utterly rock my world prompted me to take a birds-eye view of my life. And when I compared my tangible success to my overall happiness, it was clear that the two were not aligned.?Meanwhile, I was working toward another big, audacious goal lured by the “promise” of complete fulfillment. Because why wouldn’t becoming an entrepreneur be the bow that tied my life together???

At that moment, it occurred to me that my overall life satisfaction wasn’t going to skyrocket just because I launched a business. So, I decided to try a different approach the next time I set out to achieve something big: instead of hyper-focusing on the end result, I made an effort to have more fun and find happiness along the way. I celebrated small wins and recognized how each obstacle conquered contributed to my growing confidence.

Rewriting the story that said “Achievements will make me happy” gave me permission to stop waiting for some day in the future to feel good and instead embrace happiness each day (even if only a little bit).?

Here are three Quick Confidence tips to change your “I’ll be happy when…” narrative and find happiness NOW!

Quick Confidence Tips for Choosing Happiness Now

1. Mindset: Halve your goals. Jon Acuff, author of the book, “Finish: Give yourself the gift of done,” suggests as a rule to “cut your goal in half.” Let’s say you’ve been cowering in fear at your to-do item to “Start the presentation for the leadership briefing.” It’s a large, complex presentation and you’re feeling like you don’t know where to start. Rather than attempting to “Start the presentation for the leadership briefing,” shrink your task down to “Jot down a brief outline of what to include in the presentation.” See what we did there? We took a large, ambiguous undertaking and halved it into a smaller, concrete task we could start right away. This not only begets action, but it also gives you more small wins to feel great about along the way.
2. Embodied: Be an energizer. In the book, The Hidden Power of Social Networks, the authors argue that people who energize others are more likely to make a point to be present. They’re also people who articulate a compelling vision, but not one so grand that it feels frustratingly out of reach to others. These individuals are not just “production machines” who execute tasks, they listen to others and value others' ideas, concerns, and contributions. As the authors say, “…energizers are not entertainers, or even necessarily very charismatic or intense. Rather, they bring themselves fully into an interaction.” If we have any hope to stop and enjoy the process — or model that style for others — it starts with choosing to be fully present, to show all the way up.
3. Interpersonal: Start a gratitude ripple effect. Did you know giving someone else a compliment creates an actual lift? Yup! Neuroscientists have shown that the brain processes verbal affirmations similarly to financial rewards. Not just that, but studies show that compliment-givers consistently underestimate how good their compliment will make the recipient feel. Yet, receiving a compliment brightens people’s day much more than anticipated, leaving them feeling better, and feels less uncomfortable to givers than they expect. The small action of complimenting others can cause you to stop simply wishing for a far-off achievement in the future and bring you right to the good in the here and now.

Whether you want to land your dream job, hit a new record in your business, or finally go on a date that isn’t a disaster, reaching any singular goal isn’t going to make you wholly fulfilled. Every ounce of happiness is already available to you – you just need to step back to see it!

Let's kickstart the happiness wave – drop a comment below and share one thing you can do to feel joy today!

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