Saying Good-bye…That Last Conversation

I recently found out that someone I cared deeply for many years ago passed away from breast cancer.  While I had not thought about her in many years, this came on the heels of the loss of two other good, long term friends in the past year.  As a result, and in the midst of many thoughts and questions, I have been giving some deep and heartfelt consideration to the process of “Saying Good-bye”.

 The more I thought about it, the more I came to feel that the best and most healing way to look at these situations is with a profound level of appreciation for the time you were privileged to share with them.  Even though there is a humbling sense of loss and a certain amount of deeply personal melancholy, I have discovered that remembering and reflecting on the special events that brought you together and which you shared, is a helpful way to overcome one’s grief and disappointment.   Others, no doubt, have found their own way of dealing with this type of loss.  And, of course, it takes time – sometimes a great deal of time, for the pain of loss to subside.  And when I hear from some that it never completely goes away, I believe it to be true.

 At some point, and if one is fortunate, I have come to believe that everyone should take part in a personal and private good-bye to a person they have grown close to and shared a portion of their life with.  It is a humbling experience, made better by focusing on the goodness of that person, the shared experiences you enjoyed together, and for some, the thought that one day you may see them again.  While that belief is not universal, it is one that can bring a measure of relief and comfort from such deeply felt personal sorrow, even if in the end, it is shown to be only a belief and not reality.

 For me, what has hurt the most was not being able to have a chance to actually have this one last chance to talk together – to say good-bye, expressing love, thanks, and profound appreciation for that person.  Finding out from a third party about the departure of someone I once held as a special relationship has left me feeling rather remorseful – and a strange, unexplainable emptiness inside. 

 This can even extend to our pets.  I remember the chance my wife and I had to have this sort of final conversation with Maxx, our beloved Jack Russell Terrier before he passed away.  While in the moment, our hearts were torn and our love flowed shamelessly in the form of tears, we were able to say good bye, tell him how much we loved and appreciated his devotion and love, and assured him we would always love him – and our hope that we would somehow, someway, someday be together again.  It helped us both to have this special moment with Maxx….

 I suggest if you ever have the chance to actually say an in-person goodbye to a loved one or someone you respect and admire – or even your pet, do whatever it takes to have that last conversation.  I have come to know it will be worth whatever it takes to make that happen.