Saying no is empowering
In the musical Oklahoma there was a song I’m just a girl who can’t say no?
Well you know what, I have discovered I can. Say no that is. This is a move forward for me as I work to scope out what I want to do and don’t want to do. We were discussing the power of saying no in a group recently as it is so empowering to take charge and make decisions that are in your best interest.
It was observed in the group that it takes confidence to say no and I would agree. Maybe you have to reach a certain stage in your life where you can afford to turn down opportunities.
I remember when I started my consulting practice that I said yes to everything, as I was never sure when the next contract would come my way – I was worried it would be feast or famine.
But as you get more sure of yourself and the work you like to do – be it paid or volunteer – it is easier to determine whether you want to proceed or not.
When Amy Vodarek and I were writing the Good Enough book, we observed that as women we tend to be pleasers, and like to keep everyone happy, often at our own expense. Our suggestion was instead of giving an automatic yes, we pause, ask if we can think about it, and then later get back with an answer after we have thought it through and determined if we have the bandwidth and the interest.
I recognize that there is much at play – money, ego and time. But at some stage, it becomes important to listen to your inner voice, to your gut. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Part of it is spending time looking at what is important to you and understanding your values.
I am also noticing that I have started to say “no” to people who frankly I just don’t want to work with – it is such negative energy. So I find a polite excuse to decline the opportunity. But I do acknowledge to myself that I am paying attention to my energy levels and protecting myself from folks who don’t share my values.
One of the positive aspects of the pandemic is that it has made us stop and examine our lives. With space and time to reflect, I suspect I am not the only one making decisions that respond to a newly found intuition of what works for me.
What about you?
Guiding Executives and Teams to reimagine and lead change and results in healthcare and industries improving health for people and the planet.
3 年This is a good reminder Anne that we have a choice more often than we may think to decide where and with whom we will spend our precious energy and time. No is liberating and empowering, frees us up to say yes to the things we really want to do too!
Entrepreneur Coach | Business Catalyst | Leadership Development Trainer | Speaker | Facilitator
3 年So very true Anne. When I first started out as an entrepreneur I said yes to everything. At that time in my business growth it was the right thing and later it became my undoing. "No" is one of the shortest words and one of the most powerful ones.
Perform better. Grow faster. Achieve more. | Board director | exec coach | strategic consultant | respectful disruptor| intn'l speaker
3 年Anne Day, great post! Saying 'no' has power and frees us some self and other imposed expectations that we 'have' to do everything! I find it easy to say 'no' to things that are not ethical, a bit more challenging to say 'no' to things where I know I could add value, but don't have the time for. I find that I have less tolerance than I used to for dealing with BS, so once again, easier to say 'no' in those instances.
Founder + CEO | Operational Excellence Accelerator | Board Director (C.Dir., GCB.D, CCB.D) | Optimizer à la GE | Amplifier | Collaborator | Strategist
3 年Very powerful blog Anne. I know it resonates with me. Sometimes it is about reaching a breaking point or about being immersed in something that you love before you make the leap. Very empowering. I would encourage EVERYONE to read it and see if they can use it in their life. Thanks for sharing.
Working with women business owners, micropreneurs, and executives. Programs include Executive Encore, Thrive After Cancer, WBO Quality Management Systems, and Supplier-Diversity Certification.
3 年Anne Day Powerful post for my own introspection. The push back has been interesting when I say “no”. The “Yes, but” is a common response. For example, “Yes, but, I was told you would be the best person for this project”. Like you, Anne, I now evaluate opportunities based on what’s best for me - probably because I now know what is best for me: best for my energy resources and best for my self-actualization. In this year of commitment to self-actualization, I have embraced the mantra “I do not negotiate with myself”, meaning that I choose what’s best fo me and I do not need to come up with “polite excuses”. “No.” is a complete sentence. I respond graciously, of course, without expending precious energy in trying to come up with an excuse. Excuses leave the door open for rebuttal and I no longer allow debate about my decision to be an option.