Saying It Doesn't Make It So

Teaching communication, I deal a lot with words – their power, their place, their appropriateness.

Lately, folks in my life have been testing my patience in terms of their turns of phrase, statements, and sincerity.

It has truly been a do as I say not as I do stretch, and frankly, I am, well speechless.

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

·????? I am not a racist, but…

·????? I never lie, why would I?

·????? You get it, don’t you?

·????? Why would they do that?

·????? It used to be so clean here.

·????? Why can’t they get a job?

Not, never, don’t, they, clean. Small words. Big baggage.

I yearn for the days when we spoke as children, to the point, saying what we meant, with no filters:

·????? That’s mine.

·????? It smells funny.

·????? Why can’t I have one too?

·????? You lied.

Once we know the true meaning of someone’s statements, we can directly ?deal with it. When meaning is couched in platitudes or generalities, we tend to let it slide. The longer we do so, the deeper we fall into miscommunication, misleading statements and misinformed dialogue, making it harder to climb back to understanding and clarification.

My textbook defines gossip as talking about an absent third party. I add without their approval. But wow, guilty as charged.

Knowing this, can I now hold my tongue when I start to talk, pausing to think about what I am going to say and to whom I am referring to?

What this practice does is force interpersonal communication - the ability to speak to another person, with and in an effort to understand. Imagine facing the person you wish to talk about, reference, accuse, confront? Would our words change?

When we see each other, we use all of our senses to make sense of who we have in front of us and what a conversation may bring.

Imagine speaking instead of texting, whispering, accusing. Imagine seeing that person as another human being, facing the same fears, obstacles, constraints, and challenges. Would our words be the same, our attitudes so cool, our tempers so hot?

I say let’s see.

Joanne Williams is Associate Professor of Media Production and Communication at The University of Olivet.

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