The Say/Do Gap: the root cause of overwhelm, exhaustion, stress and burnout

I broke down crying in the middle of a public restroom…

That’s when I knew it wasn’t the life I wanted…

From as early as I remember,

I believed success came from working hard and putting in long hours.

It started in 1975 when my parents bought 20 acres for our family.

To get us out of the city and to give us a better life.

My dad, a carpenter, worked all day building other people’s homes.

Then after dinner he and my mom built our new home on our acreage.

While they worked, I spent time alone.

Riding my tricycle, playing in the dirt and cuddling my kittens.

I was 4 years old.

Later my dad started his own business.

On Sunday he left home for a small town.

He laboured all week shingling roofs under the hot sun and slept in a tiny trailer at night.

Then on Friday he came back home.

Week after week.

I missed my dad a lot when he was gone.

I counted the hours until he got back home, and watched him drive away again 48 hours later.

While he worked long hours to provide for us,

I started to believe that working really hard to be successful,

Meant sacrificing time with family and hurting one’s own health.

I was 10 years old.

By the summer of 1988, I was working two jobs.

By day, I was a receptionist and then would drive across the city,

To work another 6 hours at a restaurant.

I was 16 years old.

Later, while in university with a full course load,

I also worked two jobs on the side.

One in a medical office and one in a retail store.

Although I was putting in long hours, I paid my way through university and did not go into debt.

I was 21 years old.

Fast forward to 2009.

At the pinnacle of my career as a corporate communications manager,

I was leading nearly 100 employees and recognized internationally for my achievements.

But I was working 70-hour work weeks.

And had a 12-month-old baby,

Who I was only seeing for one hour a day.

He was being raised by our live-in nanny.

Sad, confused, burned out and completely depleted,

One day while sitting near the Bow River, I asked myself,

“Why am I doing this?”

I was 36 years old.

Not long later, my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach cancer,

He passed away only 21 days later.

After his last breath, I stood beside him and looked at his face.

His facial color was fading from a reddish hue to ivory.

What happened next, changed my life.

I received a message from his spirit.

I felt a blast of wind come from his face, up into my face.

And his spirit said:

“Nadine, you have new life. YOU HAVE NEW LIFE!!”

It was like he breathed life into me.

And in that exact second, I made a promise to myself.

That I wouldn’t waste a single moment on what doesn’t matter.

And would put my own health and family first.

After he died I examined my entire life.

And realized the truth…

I was sacrificing the wrong things.

Time with my family and my own health were on the backburner.

What I said mattered to me wasn’t how I actually spent my time.

I was telling myself a lie and was out of integrity with myself.

I called this my Say/Do Gap.

This gap was the root cause of my overwhelm, exhaustion, stress and burnout.

I knew so much more was possible for my life.

I got the courage to take my life back and leave my high-paying corporate job,

And go out on my own as a leadership coach for high-achieving, passionate business owners.

I designed my business model with what mattered most at the centre – my health, family and what lights me up.

That was 12 years ago and I've stayed true to it ever since.

Business ascension that makes room for more LIFE.

To eradicate the Say/Do Gap in the lives of successful people.

That’s my WHY.

Because I’ve experienced what it’s like to put in the long hours to achieve success.

Feeling like you’ve got to work yourself to the bone and put yourself last.

Feeling like you’ve got to sacrifice your personal life, and the guilt that comes with it.

It’s my mission to help you reclaim your time and your life, unapologetically.

To lead and own your time, guilt-free.

To see that more is possible.

Because your time is the new wealth.

Time is your most precious, non-renewable resource.

And feeling lit up and fully alive isn’t the reward for business success, it’s a critical part of achieving it.

Not someday, now!

Lots of love,

Nadine

Nadine Nicholson // ascendleadership.com