Say YES to Saying NO – A quick guide

Don’t say yes when you want to no. Sounds simple right? However, all of us have struggled to say no to someone at one or other point in our lives. Were we happy about saying yes in that situation? Usually no. Nonetheless, We still keep doing it for a host of reasons such as to not look selfish to people, to not hurt someone‘s feelings, to not come across as rude and many more. Well, the reason could be anything but we end up doing something we never wanted to do in the first place. And before we know it, it becomes a pattern.

Though initially, this might seem like a minor problem, in a long-term, if not corrected, this might lead to people taking advantage of us both professionally and personally. Hence, learning to say no assertively when needed is very important. With five simple and easy steps, you can learn how to say no effectively.

Three step easy process to achieve the goal: We all want to say no. However, we are most afraid of how we would come across to the other person. This three-step rule will help you to say no in an assertive way.

Following is the golden 1-2-3 rule of saying no.

1.    Say NO without actually saying “No”: How is it even possible? It is very possible! Though you need to be firm while saying no to someone, it is equally important for you to not be blunt on their face. Stop and think for a second to frame a sentence where you are not outrightly rejecting something. Be polite and clear at the same time.

2.    Offer an Explanation: It always helps to back your “No” up with a reason. Tell them why you can’t do something. Most of the times, with a genuine reason, people will understand you. 

3.    Provide an alternative: Go a step ahead and offer a solution for the situation. If you are not able to do a certain task, give them an alternative to how they can get the task done. This shows that you actually care about their work but had your reason to not do it.

Wondering how to incorporate this 3 step rule in real life situations? Here is an instance how to courteously say no to someone.

“Currently I am very busy working on a presentation, to take on your request. How about you consider Anita for this task? “

A Straightforward line of communication: Don’t falter when you want to say No to something. Be specific and precise in your answers. If the request put across to you has multiple aspects to it, confirm the aspects you are okay with and vice versa. Be very clear as to what you are agreeing to do and what you are not agreeing to do. Open communication will prevent any kind of misunderstanding in future. Keep the interaction polite, honest and definite.

Go in Guilt -free:  If you are one those who had difficulties in saying “No” openly to something. It is quite possible you might feel guilty once you start directly rejecting something you didn’t want to do. Generally, this inbuilt guilt is the major factor that drives people to say yes to things which they never intended to do. This feeling will not vanish overnight once you decide on saying no. However, work on it and give it some time. Gradually, you will get over the guilt and enjoy the pleasure of saying no.

How about replacing No with a delayed or no response: Is it too difficult for you to say no downright to someone? Then how about stalling them for a while, don’t respond immediately to a request. Take your sweet time with it or taking it a notch up, don’t respond at all. This will let the person making the request to move on to someone else and you don’t need to face the awkward situation of declining to work on the request.

Saying NO should not get personal:  Time and again, we agree to do something we didn’t want because we didn’t want to upset the person who made the request. However, always remember an important aspect of the journey of learning how to say no, you are not rejecting the person, you are only rejecting the task in question. Most of us fail to differentiate between the two and end up in a vicious loop of saying yes to everything. Hence, don’t make saying no a personal thing, keep it separate from your relationship with the person making the request. Remember you are saying No to the request and not to the person.

That didn’t sound that difficult. Did it? Follow the above techniques and say No assertively without any hesitation. It sure requires some work to achieve the right tone and comfort level. However, ultimately it is completely worth it. Saying no can do more good to you than you actually realize. This could be much need first step towards a confident and positive life.