Say, "Yes, and..."

From Arika: I love to say “Yes, and…” Not as a prescriptive reaction. But because it usually follows the pitch of an idea or a proposal by a community member. It’s a moment where I’m taken aback by its unexpectedness, while also delighted in the enthusiasm and interest of a member. I typically pause, speechless for a moment while I turn the new idea over in my mind. I think: What harm could it cause? If none, then I think: What is something similar or related to the new idea? Then I’ll thoughtfully say: “Yes, and we could tie your idea to this other thing that we’ve done before…” And just like that, we have something new and emergent that has flourished from the community itself.?

To create a community that belongs to everyone who is in it, you’ll need to use some mantras like: “Go with the flow” and “Yes, and...” Even if you might be helping to manage the community, you don’t want to be that helicopter-parent or micromanager that makes community members feel like the whole community belongs to you. That’s the fastest way to stifle the community.??

As long as what a member is proposing is in line with the values, vision, mission, and goals of your community, what’s stopping you from letting them run with it??

Here’s what a value of “Yes, and” looks like in practice:?

• A member starts taking notes of a community meeting without asking permission from anyone. “Yes, thank you! And if you could put them in this shared google folder so everyone can access them, that would be awesome.”
• A member posts/emails a link and details for an impromptu open meeting on a topic that fits the scope of the community. “Yes! And if it’s OK, I’ll add it to our community calendar so everyone can easily find these details again”.?

A participant-centered approach for a community can be exhilarating and liberating–community members are taking leadership, and you aren’t the only one having to push everything along. However, it can also be frightening and risky–what happens if a member(s) takes over and leads the community down a different path? Or what if the member makes a mistake? Here are some examples of what that could look like:?

• A member wants to host a public event, and makes all the plans and everyone helps promote it widely. However, on the day of the event, the member doesn’t show up for the event and all of the participants are left hanging (FYI: If this happens to you, just “go with the flow” and do an “unevent,” or an unplanned event–lead a shorter facilitate discussion around the topic that was proposed.)
• A group of members want to organize a sub-group of “consultants for hire” under the banner of the community, and they have developed rules to determine who is in and who is out. Looking at those rules, you can see that some will marginalize certain groups of people in the community, and especially those who are already underrepresented in your community and domain area.

These examples show that there is a balance between saying "Yes" to everything a member does and wants to do, and also checking the guardrails of what the community commits too. Basically, if in doubt, go back to the mission, values, and principles that your community already uses to guide itself and decide if a member’s proposed action will violate any of that. Consider what the risk is of saying Yes, or saying No. Some tips to help you draw this line:?

• Is the member volunteering to take on the bulk of the work of whatever they are suggesting? If so,: “Yes, and”
• Is any risk pretty low? If so, “yes, and”
• Is the member doing something that you just personally don’t like, but it doesn’t seem to be harmful in any way? If so, “Yes, and”
• Is the member doing/proposing anything that presents a current and specific harm to anyone or anything? If so, “No”
• Is there anything in your mission, values, and principles that might be violated? If so, “No”
• Will any underrepresented people/groups be hurt or left to feel more marginalized? If, so “No”

Remember:

• Whenever possible, lean towards “Yes, and.” You want to be saying a lot of Yes’’s and as few No’s as possible. If a member proposes an action that entails some risk (like the event example above), then have a Plan B (a co-lead) and a Plan C (an un-event).?

• Don’t take yourself too seriously. Will one poorly coordinated event spell the end of your community? Or was it worth it trying out the volunteer model, and then making some fixes for the next one? Unless your community is dealing with life or death issues, it’s likely that it can support the learning of your community. Being able to tell the difference between what makes sense for volunteers versus staff will also help you better determine the risk level of an action.

• Be the community where people feel like they have self-determination and can take leadership. Save your No’s for when you see a really valid risk, a deviation from the community’s mission, or something that might drive away other members of the community.

“Throwing the agenda out” in this way - by letting go of micromanaging - can have a galvanizing and energetic effect on your community in ways that may keep the vibrancy and authenticity of your community strong for a long time. This is, once again, why setting up your mission and goals is so important, it creates a container so you know what your community can hold, and what it won’t.