Say What You Want

“I know you are busy…” When I read those words in the opening line of a recent email, I was reminded exactly how busy I really am. The mail had caught my attention during a quick scan of my inbox while waiting for an elevator door to open—an attempt to make the most of every second between meetings and calls.

No sooner had I opened the email, I hit the delete button, but as the doors parted and I stepped into the elevator, the words stuck in my head and my schedule for the rest of the week flashed in front of my eyes.

The irony is that the email sender wasn’t writing to me about being busy, she simply chose those words to be polite and respectful of my time. As it turns out, she was inviting me to attend a webinar, but instead of achieving her objective, she managed to make me think about something that wasn’t on my mind, or hers, for that matter.

She’s not alone; I’m sometimes guilty of doing the same kind of thing. In fact, this is a typical communication mistake for most of us; anything we say, no matter how insignificant we may feel it is, can become fodder for discussion.

As an example, let’s say I wanted to talk to you about putting a pool into my garden. In the midst of describing the pool, I mention that there will also be a grassy area. You ask, “Why are you putting grass in? Isn’t it expensive to keep up?” Now, instead of talking about the pool, the conversation diverts to one about water bills. I start to feel frustrated because I wanted to talk about the pool, but instead, we find ourselves discussing monthly bills, which doesn’t excite either of us. Had I never mentioned the grass, we wouldn’t have lost the focus.

I’m sure you’ve got many equally frustrating examples of instances when you wanted to discuss something specific, but a particular point you made or word you used shifted the entire focus of the conversation.

Words are triggers. The words you choose remind people of other information, insights or experiences. They prompt the reader to think about the topics you raise—intentionally or otherwise—in the context of their own mind. His or her interpretation of your words may in fact be very far removed from your intended meaning, yet it is their interpretation that matters most.

Of course, this is all assuming that your email recipient has the time to even consider your words. As harsh as it sounds, when you communicate, especially via email, you are entering a competition for time and attention.

In my case, the person inviting me to attend a webinar would’ve been much better off jumping straight in and saying what she wanted. “Tommy, I have invited you to The Foundation of Service Excellence webinar, please register for it.” It would’ve been even better had she opened with an explanation of why I would want to register, “Tommy, this webinar will help you build a culture where taking personal responsibility is your winning edge.”

Instead she kept that to the very last line of the email, and in doing so, she ignored a crucial reality: no longer do we read our emails isolated in front of a computer in a serene environment with complete concentration (although I’m not sure that was ever really the case). Today, people read your emails in-between meetings, or even in meetings, while they’re concentrating on something else.

So, for your email to be effective, you need to be direct and specific. The more specific you are, the better chance you have of not triggering a random thought or igniting a conversation that you didn’t intend to start. It’s common—sometimes even useful—to include additional words and phrases to build rapport, but superfluous words are also the cause of distraction.

To avoid the unwanted side-effects of niceties, small talk or email ice-breakers, always be aware that people’s time is precious and that your words can open the door to a whole host of off-topic discussions.

Whatever the communication channel, stick to your point and maintain focus if you don’t want to waste your time—or that of busy individuals for whom every second counts.

Printed originally in Gulf News (18 December 17)

A thinker, speaker, and writer to the core, Dr. Tommy holds a doctorate in strategic leadership from Regent University, and is the founder of EMLC where he is the region's leading CEO Coach. In addition to writing a number of books—including the Amazon #1 best-seller, Leadership Dubai Style and 10 Tips for Leading in the Middle East, Dr. Tommy is the editor-in-chief of Emerging Markets Business—The Authoritative Review.

Follow me on twitter @tommyweir or visit www.tommyweir.com for more of my thoughts on leadership.