Say Something Mean Whenever You Get the Chance!

If you can say something mean, just say it. Is that the golden rule your mother taught you? No?

I am going to be blatantly honest and tell you a story about a man who is supposed to be my coach and mentor. You would think that he would be supportive and want the best for me. 

I believed that to be true, but found out that instead of being someone who wanted to uplift me, the truth is he doesn't like me, doesn’t want my success and wants to denigrate me and devalue me in the eyes of my peers and potential clients. 

You might be saying, “Ah, common, Tami, that can’t be true. You are just being overly sensitive.” 

I would look you in the eye, and tell you: "I am 100 percent certain that my perception of the situation is accurate. You can tell me I am wrong, but I am going to tell you my truth."

I was at a speaker’s training and it was my turn to stand and say my introduction. Instead, of focusing on my introduction, this man chose this as the time to tell me he didn’t like my blouse and jacket. In front of 20 of my peers, clients, and potential clients, he said, “My jacket was wrinkled and he didn’t like the color.” 

The jacket was not wrinkled and my blouse was not wrinkled, but a style that folds several times. The colors were hot pink and teal. Both colors that are known to be good colors and look good on me.

I was shocked by the remarks and had to recover in front of 20 people. 

Not one person said a word. Later, different people approached me with their disapproval of how the man had verbally attacked me in front of them. Yet, they did nothing.

With that said, it made me think…what has our world come to where you don’t talk to someone about a perceived flaw in private? To blatantly point out personal flaws in public isn’t being constructive, it’s being a bully and I mean bully spelled with a capital A and ending in a capital S.

Some lessons I learned is that even people you pay huge volumes of cash to, do not always have your best interests at heart.

Some people perceive you not as a protected client, but just a customer who puts money in their pocket.

People will sit there and allow someone to verbally abuse another person and not do a thing about it.

People will see something that makes them feel uncomfortable and they know it’s wrong, but won’t say a word.

It’s time to stop this kind of behavior. Yes, I can avoid this person in the future. I can feel blame and shame for not coming back with some witty retort, but I want to tell you about this, so you can think about it, is the most important thing I can do.

Next time you witness someone abusing someone verbally or physically. Do something. Say something. Be the sole voice that says: "Hey, you are in the wrong." Maybe one, two, or three others will join you and together we can make positive changes.

The next time you are in a crowed of people, watch how the moderator treats each and every person. Do they find a scapegoat to pick on as the outcast or example? if so, RUN. RUN. RUN. This person is an abuser. How do I know? I recognize them now because I have had personal experience. I recognize them for who they are because they are blatant, mean, and caustic. They stand up proudly and tell you exactly WHO THEY ARE, but you just ignore it. We can't ignore it any longer.