They Say "Publish Your Feelings" RW 1.

Thanks to my sixth grade Chemistry teacher, she turned me into an abstract writer out of utter boredom. I guess since my dad was a Chemical Engineer, my uncle a Doctor of Bio Chemistry, my grandfather a Professor of Chemistry, I had probably inherited more chemistry genetically than the teacher could pass on. In short I got straight A's with minimal effort and my mind would wonder off into Utopia looking for something fun to survive that one hour of slow death.

Today Facebook reminded me of something I had posted several years ago and even though I can't remember what triggered it I just thought to myself "Just Do It Halima."

Copy pasting the Raw Writings 1.

Life had turned her into a lifeless zombie.....it was finally time to let go of whatever little she was holding onto to stay above the water.....it was time to accept that she had lost it all ....her heart and soul, her sanity, integrity. .. but most of all her dignity..... she had allowed him into her most private & sacred dimension, he had seen her raw and bare emotions that she had been guarding all her life.

He meant a lot to her, way more than she could've imagined or he could've fathomed. ..... he did whatever he could to help her out grow his love......but what he did not understand was the fact that .......love is blind.

She knew she had nothing to offer to him, but only everything to take from him......but she couldn't keep on taking with absolutely nothing to give back in return........ So she let him be the final nail in her coffin. Tears rolled down her cheeks but her heart smiled because he was her favorite nail and now he had become a vital part of her being.

It had felt like dying but she was still alive the next morning, but the feelings survived too. Was there a cure to this she wondered.  

She loved him, she desired every bit of him with all her heart but she would never have him because his heart did not belong to her.

He was not in love with her but he had casually expressed a strong physical desire and had offered unconditional physical love, if she ever wanted. That simply broke her heart because in her world physical intimacy was too sacred and only for souls madly in love. In her Utopia souls were suppose to unite first but little did she know that she was simply on the wrong planet. He wasn't one bit evil, he wasn't a bad person or of bad character but life had just made him immune. Immune and indifferent to emotions generated from love. His exposure and experiences in life had taught him that "love" was only a justification for having sex. He was fine with it as an excuse, as a cover-up but he could not comprehend the concept of selfless love.

She wasn't a target for him, but he made sure that she knew that he wouldn't stop her if she ever changed her mind. It broke her heart every single time he joked about it. She could never make him understand that she was using aaaaall her left over energy and faith to resist him and he was only making her weaker and weaker every second.  

But she couldn't allow her desires to go out of hand or lose control because he did not know the difference between love and lust. Her feelings were way too sacred, too pure and innocent to be ever mistaken for lust. 

He unfortunately had lost the ability to comprehend such feelings and she felt so sad for him. 

If only she could magically heal him, just melt away the metal walls he was protecting his wounded heart with. He had locked it up so bad he himself had forgotten it was there. 

She hoped that maybe a shrink would have an antidote for love ..... and a mighty strong one.... ... 

She only wished for him to find love, to be able to enjoy love, regardless of whom he received it from. She wanted him to experience that love can turn simple acts of holding hands and just gazing into each other's eyes into a far more satisfying and superior experience than a sexual climax. She wished for him to experience every beautiful emotion that she had wished for herself. She continued to wish and pray for those wishes to come true for him by a companion of his choice. .... even though she was under the biggest misconception that no one could love him like she could.... 

"Out of sight out of mind" is what she was hoping for....... but so far it was working the total opposite..... every single breath she took hurt ..."literally". ....

Now she not only needed a shrink but also a cardiologist.....

She hoped to live long enough to someday write a book about him.