They Say, No One Wants to Work, But It's Not True

Do you ever wonder why they didn’t warn you? The life stages are standard. It happens to everyone: School, college, job, meet someone, get married, have a baby, hit a wall.

Wait, what?

Is hitting a wall part of the process? Totally. As inevitable as aging. (No one told you the truth about that, either, did they?)

One day, you’re cruising along, doing all the right things, upward trajectories only, so certain, and then a little sliver of doubt.

The path isn’t quite as clear, you might stumble, but you aren’t sure why.

It’s a sign that you’ve awakened some back of the brain consciousness. To quote the great Harry Styles, You know it’s not the same as it was.

Maybe it’s you — you can’t be sure — but it’s distracting and messing with your equilibrium.

You used to have time, you used to have your whole life in front of you, the world used to be your oyster, and now, you’re questioning the matrix. Red pill or blue?

It all seems so?futile.?

Inescapable. Prescribed. Irreversible. Doomed. Everyone goes through the motions, pretending to have their sh*t together, accumulating massive credit card debt, gaining 20 or 30 (or 40) lbs, letting months go by without initiating sex, drinking a half, ok, a bottle of wine during the week, coloring their hair (not fooling anyone), while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’s not just you holding your breath waiting to see if the latest scan, mammogram, or cholesterol panel will doom you to a life of meds, limited mobility, or shitty retirement.

Have you looked into the face of someone at 65 vs. 45? What happened??

And then, faced with the realization that retirement isn’t going to be summer camp (or worse); it’s a tailspin of wouldas, couldas, and shouldas.

• Why did I wait?
• Why didn’t I do it when I had the chance?
• What was I waiting for?
• Did I miss my opportunity?

Scream into the?void.

Work/life balance was always the answer, but you had your reasons for deferring the balance.

You may not like the term work/life balance. You may not believe it's a worthy goal or think it doesn't apply to you. You are the exception,?not the rule.

Or when you first heard about work/life balance, maybe you were young, energy-rich, an eager puppy craving more, more, more. What was the point of balancing all good things?

You weren’t thinking of it as work vs. life, but that’s what that innocent little slash symbol means.

The slash is the oblique slanting line punctuation mark /. Also known as a stroke, a solidus, or several other historical or technical names, including oblique and virgule. Once used to mark periods and commas, the slash represents division and fractions, a date separator, and or.

A realization.

Work or life.

Love or fear.

And now?

Now your time has?passed.

Or it’s drifting away, just out of reach, momentum in two directions. One tide is taking your dreams further and further out to sea; the other keeps you close to shore.?

The rhythm of the waves crashes in your ears; What if? What if? What if?

In two weeks, my grandfather will turn 90 years old. We’ve been talking about life.?

Reminiscing.?

He was born in 1933, one of the most challenging years in history.

Over the next 90 years, amazing, terrible, and unexpected things would happen. It’s wild how much he experienced firsthand.

When I asked him what he remembers about having four little kids, his voice caught, and he said, I was pretty concerned with putting food on the table.

• I wasn’t there for their things.
• I wasn’t there for them.
• I missed it.

It’s not exactly regret but a dawning realization that it could have been different.

It could have been different.

One of my besties chose investment banking. He worked for Bill G. The others, his colleagues, primarily men, were obsessed with getting hired by the right firm, making as much money as fast as possible, and then getting out.

Except they never got out.

The target kept moving. They killed themselves for their first million, but it was pocket change. Ten million didn’t go as far as you’d think. And $200 million and a jet seems like a worthy goal. Legit.

So they crush it, convinced they are on to something the rest of the world doesn’t know, but their marriages are sh*t, someone else raised their kids, and their health suffers, but not because they don’t run.

They are always running. They run marathons weekly and talk to their therapists about running (and the thousands they spend on strippers and porn), and they don’t take vacations because they can’t power down.

They can’t turn off their go-hard mentality, and everything is relentless, but one day, they will hit their GTFO number.

My husband and his buddies chose sports for love and lifestyle. And all these years later, it’s paid off for…some. But for most, while they’ve had a front-row seat to the games and leagues they worshipped, they have nothing tangible to show for it beyond the photos proving they were on the field or in the locker room.

They have no retirement savings, no college savings, and no options going forward.

If you think you can’t know if something is worth it until it comes to its conclusion, it means you want to do it no matter the conclusion.

You can rationalize all you want until life requires you to draw a line in the sand, usually after having kids or facing a health diagnosis. It’s Damar Hamlin collapsing on the field. Something shocks your sensibilities and makes you face your mortality, failed dreams, and the truth.

They say, No One Wants to Work, but it’s not?true.?

People love to do meaningful work. They love to be a part of something bigger than themselves, contribute, collaborate, create, earn, grow, achieve their potential, make a difference, make their mark, and matter.

But they don’t love to sacrifice everything for their work.?

They want to work and live well.

Houses, cars, bills, and groceries have doubled while wages have remained stagnant. People are tired of playing to lose. There’s no joy in that.

Life is short, the world is big and beautiful and beckons, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t afford to take a vacation or visit the people and places you long to see, and even if you could, you don’t have the time to get away.

You daydream of making a change, breaking free, and doing it differently, but how? HOW?!?

And the doubts will consume you before you work up the courage to…to what? What are you going to do?

Some of my friends chose teaching.?

They love kids, were excited to educate the future and looked forward to having summers off. School shootings, drugs, and covid intervened.

They didn’t know they’d also have to work a side hustle or 2nd job on nights, weekends, and summers to pay for their own kids to go to college.

They didn’t imagine discreetly pulling a boy aside to pick out a new coat from lost and found (quick name tag change) to prevent freezing in winter. They didn’t know some students would bring a bag of Takis as lunch as their only meal. But there's a?stigma?around working full-time while qualifying for free lunches.?

Prices have doubled. Or more.

No job is just a paycheck, no industry is immune, and thinking like that isn’t doing you any favors. It may be easier to choke down, but the aftertaste stays with you.

And there’s so much money to be made in tech if you can hack the long hours, constant sitting, screen time, misogyny, and Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery social dynamics. It’s The Breakfast Club without a happy ending.

It’s always work/life balance.

So here you are, new year, fresh start, same goals, and a renewed focus. Things will be different, won’t they?

Ask yourself if work/life balance is at the heart of every challenge you struggle with.

• No time to work out consistently or cook homemade meals? Work/life balance.
• No time to invest in relationships or start or grow your family? Work/life balance.
• No plan or investments in the future? Work/life balance.
• Declining relationships with those you loved best? Work/life balance.
• No idea how to dig out of the hole you’re literally or proverbially in? Work/life balance.
• If you are facing virtually any time, money, or relationship issue, guess what? Work/life balance.

Over the next few to several weeks, we will go there so that you can live better. We will discuss American work culture, workplace stress, societal norms, productivity, the good life, ambition, the pandemic, and more. What we won’t do is talk about all the same stuff everyone has been regurgitating for years.

The goal is not to make you a better employee, but to help you get out of your comfort zone and into your contentment zone, so you can find a new path forward that you’re psyched about.?

To help you open the door to new possibilities, ideas, beliefs, and a new way of looking at work vs. life, so you feel empowered.?

To help you evaluate and decide where to draw the line/slash symbol between work and life, love and fear, money and time, your job and your family. Phew.?

It’s a?choice.

Let’s play to win in 2023.

Only it’s not a game, and the stakes are high, so will this be the year you finally start seeing work/life balance as integral to life?

Sign up for the whole series on Work/Life Balance in 2023.