SAY MY NAME, SAY IT RIGHT: The detrimental effects of name-shaming & bullying by teachers, employers & peers

When it comes to names and naming a person, I believe four fundamental things:

1.??????It is imperative for people to learn how to pronounce a name CORRECTLY, especially teachers and employers

2.??????Your name shapes the way you perceive yourself and others

3.??????Parents should not be offended when their child wants to change their name – it is the child’s choice & identity

4.??????It is not “just a name”- it encompasses lineage, tradition, culture, religion, memories, history, richness, and representation.

I changed my name in 2013. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my name felt like it was the most embarrassing thing in the world. It was butchered in more ways than you can imagine. I dreaded roll-call and any other event in which my name would be said aloud. I didn’t want to hear it. At all. Ever.

I was ashamed. I was bullied. I was constantly laughed at. I was absolutely traumatised. I STILL hate my former name whenever I hear it. There is deep-rooted trauma associated to it. Teachers would not try to learn how to pronounce, they just assumed (after all, they are ‘teachers’ aren’t they?).

They knew that students laughed and made remarks but said NOTHING to the them. In fact, some teachers and employers said disrespectful things like “oh, whatever her name is” or “her name is too difficult to say”. It affected my social/emotional well-being, I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want to wake up and face it. I wanted to disassociate from my identity and culture.

Think about it:

A teacher refuses to learn how to pronounce a name but teaches a classroom full of students who want to learn.

An employer - an authority figure people look up too and report too, who runs a business, hires staff, but cannot learn a simple name (but learnt to operate a business?).

Really?

Don’t teachers and employers have reputations to live up too?

I finished my degree in 2012, I refused to graduate until I could do so, under a new identity in 2013.

I hated myself, my name, and my mother for naming me something which got made fun of daily. I found myself dreaming of a name no one could ever make fun of. I just wanted to write it without SHAME & fear of judgement.

I used a nickname when calling prospective employers, but when I had to apply for the job with my legal name – I hesitated. If they were the same nationality as me, I knew there was no room for name-bullying. If it was someone else - it was a HELL NO from me.

I still have unresolved trauma because of it. There were so many things I wanted to do, but the embarrassment of my former name held me back. I'm sure I did not land a few jobs because of it either.

Not everyone had the opportunity to change their name like I did and for that, I am so grateful and more-so relieved. So relieved. I did not have to hide anymore. I did not have to feel self- conscious. I could love myself, for once.

The moment it became official, was the moment my life literally changed. I was now Shalina – a name I chose myself out of love but more than that, desperation. I also chose it out of happiness and?compassion. It was almost impossible to pronounce my name wrong or make fun of it. And even if someone did, I couldn't care what anyone said or thought. I could say my name now, loud, and so proudly.

You're probably thinking, “your name couldn’t have been THAT bad”.

IT WAS. I still cannot bring myself to saying what it is. I won't. The detrimental effects of name-shaming and bullying have stayed with me even until now – years after changing it.

Things may have been different if:

1.??????People had not ridiculed my name and had said it correctly

2.??????Authority figures such as teachers and employers realised how damaging their attitudes can be to their reputation, and were mindful instead of name-shaming

3.??????The importance of naming a child and the effects it can have was considered by the name-giver and society in general

4. People were taught, from a young age, that a name does not define who someone is as a person, and that some names are passed down from generation to generation with love and pride

5. If everyone LEARNED how to pronounce a name that was not familiar to them rather than laughing at it because it was 'different' or 'weird' - tolerance towards differences.

So, what's in a name?

A LOT. It shouldn't be difficult to accept differences. It's a testament to your character as a decent human being. Remember, your actions can have a detrimental effect on someone, like me, which can last a lifetime. Do you really want to be a causation of internal trauma?

If you can go to school day after day and learn, if you can run a business, if you are a teacher, you can learn to say a name. You can learn how to RESPECT a name.

Ridiculing names causes more damage than you could ever imagine. I am still trying to heal and maybe I never will.

Step up your respect game. Tolerance and understanding can get you a long way in life.

There is more to a name than what you call it. Say the name, say it right.

Shalina Lodhia