Say it Like You Mean It: The Professional Woman's Guide to Stop Second-Guessing Every Word

Picture this: You're about to lead a major presentation, and you're doing that thing I call the "Professional Woman's Pre-Meeting Meditation." You know the one – where you're mentally rehearsing how to sound confident (but not bossy), friendly (but not frivolous), and authoritative (but not aggressive). Oh, and don't forget to smile! But not too much.

Is your head spinning yet? Mine too.

My client Sarah is a brilliant VP of Operations who recently told me, "I feel like I'm always either the Ice Queen or the Office Mom – there's no in-between!" Meanwhile, her male colleague Bart regularly shows up to meetings in a hoodie, talks in sports metaphors, and is praised for being "authentic."

?The "Goldilocks Syndrome": Not Too Soft, Not Too Hard...

If you're a woman in the workplace, you're probably familiar with the "Goldilocks Syndrome" – the exhausting quest to be juuuust right. Too assertive? You're difficult. Too nice? You're a pushover. Too casual? You're not professional enough.

It's enough to make you want to communicate exclusively through interpretive dance. (Note: I don't recommend this in board meetings.)

The Reality Check

Here's what I tell my clients: You're not imagining it. Research shows that women face more complex communication challenges than men. It's like we're playing the same game, but with different rules.

And the rules keep changing.

And someone hid the rulebook.

And maybe set it on fire.

But here's the good news: You can navigate this maze without losing your sanity or your sense of self. Let's break it down.

?The "Just Right" Blueprint

Power Meetings (When You Need to Bring Your A-Game):

Instead of the apologetic: "I'm so sorry, but I just thought maybe we could possibly consider..."

(This is what I call "Death by a Thousand Qualifiers")

?Or the overcorrection: "Listen up, people. Here's what you're going to do."

(AKA the “Judge Judy Approach”)

Try this instead: "I've analyzed our options, and here's what I recommend..."

(Direct, confident, and nobody had to pound the table)

The Daily Balancing Act of Team Dynamics

My client Priyanka used to start every email with "Just checking in!!!" and end with enough exclamation points to exhaust the world's supply of enthusiasm.

Now she's mastered "Confident Warmth".

Instead of: "Hey team!!! Just wondering if maybe someone could possibly help with this tiny little thing when you have a moment?! No worries if not!!! ??????"

(Notice the "Please Like Me" Parade?)

Try: "Hi team - I need your input on the Johnson proposal by Thursday at noon Eastern time. Let me know if you have any questions."

(Clear, friendly, and not a single apologetic emoji in sight)

The Digital Tightrope Walk

Let's talk about email, that magical place where women type "Just following up" while thinking "WHERE THE HELL IS THE REPORT I ASKED FOR THREE WEEKS AGO?"

I asked my client Eva to keep a tally of how many times she wrote "just" in emails in one day. The final count? 47. That's 47 times she linguistically curtsied in her own professional communications. (She fixed that. She's down to zero "justs" and up one promotion.)

Quick Email Makeovers:

Before: "Just wanted to circle back and see if maybe you had a chance to possibly look at my report? So sorry to bother you again! Thanks so much!!!! ??"

After: "Please review the report by Wednesday. I'm happy to discuss any questions."

(Notice how you don’t have to apologize for doing your job? Revolutionary, isn't it?)

?The "Am I Being Too...?" Checklist

Before you start second-guessing yourself, ask:

1. Would I question this if I were a man?

2. Am I apologizing for doing my job?

3. Could I say this with fewer words and exclamation points?

4. Am I trying to make someone else happy at my own expense?

5. What would Michelle Obama do? (Always a good question)

The Bottom Line

Here's the truth: You can't control other people's gender biases, but you can control how you show up. Your goal isn't to find the magical perfect balance that will make everyone happy – because it doesn't exist. Instead, focus on being clear, confident, and authentic.

Now go forth and communicate like the queen you are – no crown required, but feel free to wear one anyway. (I bought myself a tiara at a flea market last summer. Photo available upon request.) And maybe tilt it at just the right angle...

I'm kidding – you wear that crown however you want!