Say less: listen like you mean it

If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Nobody is quite sure of who said these words, but they were spot on. One of the best ways to grow is to surround yourself with people who know more than you do and have different experiences to share. The trick is: once you're in 'the room' with the people, you have to listen to what they have to say.

I’m not afraid to admit my default setting sometimes means I’m not the best listener. I get too excited to give my input and solve other people’s problems, and have definitely been a “sentence finisher” (proud to say I’ve worked hard on this and have become MUCH better)

Truth is, most people aren’t great listeners; most of us are focused on what we’re going to say next or about making sure our point is heard, rather than actually taking in what’s being said.

You’ll know when you come across someone who is a great listener because you’ll be thinking “why aren’t they saying anything?” You’re not talking over the top of each other – they’re actually actively listening and really HEARING you.

The key word there is “actively”. Active listening is an incredibly underrated skill. It makes you a better team member, manager, partner, and friend. People will love talking to you and may even open up to you more because, honestly, everyone loves feeling like you care about what they have to say. We all want to feel heard.

Tips to be a better listener

• Fight the urge to interrupt. In journalism they teach you about “noddies”. TV and radio journos obviously don’t want to be heard talking over the person they’re interviewing, but they still want to be engaged in the conversation so they simply “nod along” to keep the conversation flowing.
• Come prepared. If you’re worried about forgetting the points you want to make, write them down beforehand. If you don’t get to make your points when you’re chatting, you can always share them afterwards by saying something like “I didn’t get the chance to talk through these but I feel they’re important to share” and suggest a follow-up time to discuss.
• Say no to endless notes. Don’t be so focused on writing everything down that you’re not taking in what’s being said – only jot down the key takeaways or actions. When are you really going to re-read those novel notes anyway?
• Listen with your eyes. That means putting down your phone (yes, even on Zoom), closing your laptop if you’re in person and closing (not minimising) the other apps open on your laptop. People can tell when you’re focused on something other than the conversation.

Handy phrases to make sure you’ve got the message

When you want to make sure you’re understanding correctly:

• So what I’m hearing is X – is that right?
• I'm going to repeat this back to make sure I've understood everything.

When you need to confirm what you need to do next:

• I’m going to summarise the key actions – let me know if these sound right to you.
• What does an ideal outcome look like for you here?

When you need more information:

• You mentioned X – can you unpack that for me a little bit more?
• When you say X, paint me a picture of what this involves.

TL;DR When you're talking to someone, do you find yourself thinking more about what you’re going to say next and not really hearing what the other person is saying? We’re all guilty of it. Practise listening with your ears – not your mouth – and you'll become a person people love talking to.