Say No

(Psst.... Watch me talk through this idea on TikTok)

If you can’t say no without ruining or running away from relationships, you will not thrive.

If you

Can’t

Say no

Without

Ruining

Or running away from

Relationships

You?

Will

Not

Thrive

People who lose relationships when they say “no” have simply not said it soon enough. Something has grown. A pattern has emerged or a habit has been established. A pecking order, maybe, or a violation. Some issue has ballooned. An early “no” would have worked. But when the “no” comes too late, a return may be impossible.

People who run away from relationships when they have to say “no” are in a similar boat. The moment I was unhappy, I could’ve said it. The moment this arrangement no longer fit me, I could’ve said it. But I didn’t. And so my only choice, if I didn’t want to face disappointment or loss, was to run away.

In both instances, the “no” is not the problem.?

“No” has image issues, that poor little two-letter-word.?

A lot has been done to try to correct that:

Give yourself permission…

Set boundaries…

“‘No’ is a complete sentence”...

These ideas are out there, swirling in the collective consciousness.

And yet, most people live stewing in the resentment of having not said “no.”

They’re lowkey upset all of the time.

They feel taken advantage of.

They know they’re going to get walked over.

They’re terrified of confrontation.

Guess what?

If you say “no” when you should, confrontation rarely escalates.

If you say “no” without emotion, “no” does not turn into conflict.

A confident “no” can change your life.

As with most issues in life, we struggle with this because we believe lies:

We think saying “no” is rude

We think saying “no” is selfish

We think saying “no” makes us negative people… even quitters

Little surface lies.

In fact, the much deeper lie is that we’re bad at saying “no” because…

We need to be liked

We’re obsessed with being liked

We can’t live without being liked?

But the fear is misplaced.

When’s the last time someone spit in your face because you told them “no”?

Punched you in the face?

Stole your car?

Burned your house down?

Refused to do business with you?

You hyperinflate the consequence of the “no” because you don’t want to deal with the root cause of why it’s so hard for you to say.

“No” is an acknowledgement that you have limitations: mental limits, productivity limits, emotional limits. Many of us have actively rejected this part of ourselves, and saying “no” causes that tiny internal door to rattle...

Maybe you aren’t perfect

Maybe not everyone will be happy with you all of the time

So what?

So embrace it.

Saying “no” does not make you a negative person

Saying “no” does not make you a quitter

In fact,

Saying “no” makes you good at business

It makes you good at relationships

It makes you good at leadership

A calm, pragmatic, unemotional “no” will change your life.

And unless you’re willing to ruin or run from relationships for the rest of your life, you have to learn how to say it.