“Say Goodnight” | A Lesson Learned from Dad and Daughter Camp

When your 13-year-old daughter eagerly embraces the idea of four nights without electricity, running water, and braving swarms of Upper Peninsula insects, all just to have dedicated time with you as Dad, you know you have to do it.?

We arrived at a secluded parking lot off a five-mile dirt road, board a flat bottom boat, and they take us across the river to access camp.? Leaving my truck and modern amenities behind, we pursued a deeper connection as dad and daughter.

I was excited about the idea too, but I didn’t really know what to expect on the other side of our time together.? Camp Paradise had all the quintessential summer camp elements: ?wood-burning “water heaters” for your bucket shower, outhouses, a mess hall bell that rang at mealtime, cabins for dads and daughters to bunk in, ropes course, chapel, and plenty of room to roam.? Each day started with breakfast and connection time, followed by quiet solitude to reflect on the role of a father and my relationship with our children.? We had abundant time just for the two of us, from canoeing and BB guns to a walk in the woods and mad libs.? It was idyllic.

And the magic happened when I asked her the question “When do you feel most loved by me?”.? To be sure, until a few years ago, this question wouldn’t have crossed my mind.? I’m a practical guy who would prefer to show her how to mow the grass or solve a math problem – until I realized that none of those things matter if your children (or any important relationship) don’t feel seen, heard, and understood.? In layman’s terms, I lacked empathy for a long time.? But I’m learning.

As she gets older and increasingly independent, I guess I’ve naturally given her more space.? Space of her own to listen to Taylor Swift, access to more technology, and to make her own decisions.? And yet – her answer floored me.? She wants me to continue coming into her bedroom at the end of the day to “say goodnight”.? To tell her I love her.? Maybe it’s not the same as reading children’s books together like we did ten years ago, but to individually end the day together.? There were surely a few other “aha” moments, but this lingered.? At a time when I assumed she wanted to do her own thing, she still wants me around.

Here's why I share this:

1.????? It’s not a foregone conclusion that your children don’t want or need you in their life. Yes, she is in the process of individuating (fancy word for becoming a person of her own), but daughters and sons need dads and moms.? All the time.? Even adult children.

2.????? Practice empathy and understanding other points of view.? This may be common sense to most, but it hasn’t come natural to me (Shout out to Better Up). ?I’m not a 13-year-old girl, but I surely need to appreciate the pressures the world places on young girl’s identities as they turn into young women.? If I’m going to be a strong father, I need to slow down and listen.? At her level.

3.????? It’s easy to overcomplicate.? My day job is working with business owners and families with wealth.? Many voices tell us what we should do with our money, where we should vacation, and expand our empire.? Sometimes we need a reminder that clichés are rooted in truth: those decisions don’t matter as much as we think.? Relationships matter, and they can’t flourish unless we invest in them.? Yes, there are plenty of practical and important financial decisions to make.? But they should align with what and who is most important to you.

Understanding, empathy and connection are at the heart of navigating complex issues.? So, invest in a simple goodnight or a shared adventure - it’s sure to pay off.

Ps - thanks Kevin for the invite