Say Goodbye to “La Vergüenza”

Speaking any language that isn’t your mother tongue can be a stressful experience. It’s not just the risk of making mistakes, or panicking when you can’t find the right words to express your ideas.?

For many Spaniards, the “VERGüENZA” (intense shame or embarrassment) that one feels before they even open their mouth to speak can create major obstacles. It can even affect those who have reached an advanced level in a second language.?They fear that they sound inauthentic, ridiculous and that others are judging their communication abilities.

This often prevents them from speaking up in meetings, sharing their innovative ideas with an international team or audience and avoiding the opportunity of networking with English speakers – things they are perfectly capable of.

They are missing out on opportunities which could move their career in an exciting new direction.

Some common Spanish expressions:

Tener vergüenza - to be embarrassed or ashamed

No tener vergüenza - to have no shame

Ser un sinvergüenza - to be shameless

In the nearly 20 years that I've been working with professionals here in Spain, many talented and highly-qualified people I’ve supported have suffered from this phenomenon.?????

It's especially common in those who started learning English as an adult, and is one of the most limiting factors when it comes to improving your language skills.

According to specialists in social psychology, the root of this problem stems from the fear of being ridiculed or judged negatively. For this reason, these feelings must be confronted and transformed into self-confidence, with the goal of eliminating irrational fear and mental blocks.

Have you ever said NO to a potentially amazing opportunity to progress in your career due to being painfully self-conscious of your English-speaking abilities?

Here Are 3 Important Things to Remember:

?? Practice Makes Progress

If you’re consistent and create a routine, it’s more probable that you’ll see the desired results. Look for ways to practice speaking English wherever and however possible.

?If you’re nervous about offering therapy sessions to English-speaking clients(especially native speakers), start slowly on your own.

• Take notes and re-create dialogue of recorded English therapy sessions, while trying to improve your intonation, pronunciation and question formation.?

Check out https://www.psychotherapy.net/videos for 300+ recorded sessions

YouTube also has some great free options to choose from (ask me for ideas!)

• Ask yourself questions (out loud) that you would use with your clients and patients. Look in the mirror or record yourself on your phone. Repeat these questions and answers until they start to flow more naturally.
• Try to get out of your comfort zone and engage in small-talk opportunities with native (or near-native) English speakers. This could include asking for advice while you’re traveling or helping someone in your hometown.?
• Network and collaborate with English-speaking mental health practitioners here on LinkedIn. Follow and save their posts that could be of use to your own work.?Send them a private message to share what you liked about it, and let the conversation flow from there.

?? We Learn From Our Mistakes

In English, we have the expression “To err is human” (to err = make mistakes)

Some errors are unavoidable because NO ONE is perfect, no matter how confident they may seem. Remind yourself that even native speakers don’t speak their own language perfectly.?

If you don’t make mistakes when speaking, you’ll miss the opportunity – yes, it IS an opportunity - to be corrected by others and get useful feedback. This is a valuable asset that we often forget when learning (and mastering) a foreign language.?

Of course, it’s important to study a language as much as possible to learn correct grammar, common idiomatic expressions, vocabulary and pronunciation - which will also help build self-confidence. However, if you’re not putting this theory to practical use, you'll end up forgetting what you've learned, and this will likely cause you more anxiety down the road.

?? STOP Being a Perfectionist

Another important change of mindset is to “be okay with okay” as you progress.

Let’s be realistic. If you don’t allow yourself to make mistakes when speaking, you’ll be stuck where you are forever. Expressing yourself to the best of your ability is MUCH more important than speaking perfectly from the start.?

Remember that mastering a language is a process, not just a destination.?

If you can’t think of word or expression in English, try not to fall into the temptation of saying it in your native language. Think of another way you can convey the same idea in English.?

For example, is there a metaphor that could illustrate it??

This is especially useful in a therapeutic setting.

I hope these ideas help you to move forward if you've been having doubts about your ability to work in English.

If you feel like "la vergüenza" is keeping you from reaching your true potential, I’d love to help you overcome it.

Just imagine all the exciting new doors that could open up to you in the future!

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Is your dream to communicate more effectively with your patients/clients in English? DM me to book a free chat to discuss your current situation and future goals???????

Get in touch if there are other topics you’d like me to cover in future newsletters.?

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.myenglishtherapy.com