Saving Wesley, or the importance of frames.

This post is about word choices and their impact on our lives.

What questions occupy your mind during the day? (let’s keep it work-related) 

Here is a random choice:

• Will my business survive?
• Will I find a job soon?
• Can I trust my employees/ peers/ managers?
• Is the project successful?
• Was this meeting productive? 
• Should I take more risks? Should I avoid risks?
• Will the pandemic ever end?

I’m sure you can continue the list… (how about writing your own before reading on?)

These questions have two things in common:

1. They are all (surprise!) made out of words.
2. They are binary questions (perhaps except your own)

And these two have a large impact on how we see the world.

Understanding our use of words can be crucial to the way we see the world, interact with it, and eventually impact it.

About words and meanings.

Yes, we all use words, and these words carry with them a meaning, a way to define reality.

When Bill Clinton was asked if his statement (about Monika Lewinsky) "there's nothing going on between us" had been truthful, Clinton said,

"It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is”. 

While an extreme example, if you look at the questions above, you will find there are a lot of words that deserve a second look. Here is a partial set: Survive, Job, Soon, Trust, Success, Productive, Risk, Can, End, and Should. 

Each of these words has a hidden assumption, each of these words bears an image that is highly subjective, and each of these words may lock you in by framing your viewpoint.

For example, the ‘Success’ of a project may be highly subjective, depending on who defines it and at what point in time. Asking “is the project successful” implies there is an objective definition we can apply to find out the answer, and that if we currently don’t have access to this definition we ‘Should’ (another word to examine :) find it.  

Another example: the word “Job” implies someone hiring us and paying us for our work, hence blocking us from finding alternative routes to help us pay the bills. It frames the current situation as one where someone holds the keys to our future.

So what?

Once we understand the power of the words we use, we can start putting more intention into them, to ask ourselves - what world-view do the words we use carry? Do we like this world-view? Does it serve us? And if not - what other words could be used.

We can also listen carefully to the word choices other people make, to understand how they perceive the words. 

How did Wesley survive?

In the Princess-Bride, Wesley is tortured to death and brought to Miracle Max to try and revive him. Miracle max explains that he is “Mostly Dead”:

“And Mostly Dead Is Slightly Alive, While With All Dead There’s Usually Only One Thing That You Can Do…“ (you can watch the full scene here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qVlNiAYshQ) 

We tend to think of things such as Trust, Success, Productivity, Risk, Friendship, etc in a binary way, either we are productive or we are wasting our time, either I can trust you or I can’t, either the team is good or it is bad, etc. 

Taking the example above again, asking Is the project successful also assumes Success is a binary state. while asking - to what extent is it successful invites nuance.

This binary world-view has a purpose, it allows us to diagnose the world fast. It also has a big disadvantage that can harm us.

If we diagnose the almost dead as dead, there is no chance we save Wesley.

Furthermore, if we diagnose the Mostly-Alive as Alive, we might be blocking any chance to make it more so.

The world around us is a dynamic one, it is ever-changing and wider than we see, while often the frames we use to define it are rigid and biased. As such, they might block us from seeing new possibilities and noticing nuances, which in turn affects our actions - making the world fit our viewpoint.

Care to practice?

I invite you to take your time this week and listen to the words. 

When you hear a statement or a question that you feel sounds definitive, listen to the words that wrap the meaning.

Then ask yourself these questions:

• What assumptions do the words used bear?
• What possibilities do they imply, and what do they hide?
• How could I have reformulated it to allow for a better impact?

 I’d love to read what you find on this scavenger-hunt!