Save your children future pain - Be a feeding role model.

(2 minute read)

How to Feed Children: Do As I Do

Feeding children can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, especially when parents are met with resistance or disinterest from their kids at the dinner table. But what if the solution is not about the food itself, but about the way we approach it? We asked Susie Orbach, one of Britain's leading psychotherapists, to share her insights on how parents can help children build a healthy and happy relationship with food.

The Problem with Persuasion

Parents often find themselves in situations where they have to convince their children to eat. As Susie Orbach observed, this can turn mealtime into a battleground, with well-meaning parents trying everything from threats of no dessert to promises of big muscles to get their children to eat. However, this approach may backfire and create anxiety around food, making it something to resist rather than enjoy.

The issue often lies in the mismatch between the child’s hunger cues and the parents' mealtime schedule. When parents push children to eat when they are not hungry, they unintentionally set the stage for food-related conflicts and negative associations. The key, according to Orbach, is to change how we think about eating and how we model our own relationship with food.

Children Learn by Watching, Not by Hearing

Orbach suggests that children learn more from observing their parents' actions than from listening to their words. In today's "grazing culture," where food is readily available at any time, children see adults snacking throughout the day, often outside of traditional meal settings. This can send mixed messages about what it means to eat healthily or mindfully.

Instead of focusing solely on verbal instructions, parents should demonstrate healthy eating behaviors themselves. This could mean showing moderation, eating when truly hungry, and enjoying a wide variety of foods without categorizing them as "good" or "bad."

8 Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship with Food

Here are Susie Orbach’s practical tips for fostering a positive and healthy relationship with food for children:

1. Avoid Using Food as Comfort: If a child falls or gets hurt, comfort them with words or a hug instead of offering a treat. This helps them learn that emotional distress isn’t something to be "fixed" with food.
2. Encourage Eating Based on Hunger: Teach children to recognize and respond to their hunger cues. Eating should be a response to hunger, not an activity tied to schedules or emotions.
3. Neutralize All Foods: Avoid labeling foods as “good” or “bad.” Instead, explain that different foods serve different purposes. Special treats are fine occasionally, but try to ensure that no food becomes forbidden or overly idolized.
4. Educate About Nutrition in a Fun Way: Talk about foods that satisfy hunger and those that may give temporary pleasure but lack nutrients. Frame this discussion in a fun, engaging manner to avoid making it feel like a lecture.
5. Make Healthy Foods Visually Appealing: Keep a variety of foods accessible and attractive. For example, cutting up fruit can make it more appealing and easy to eat.
6. Model Self-Regulation: Show your children how to stop eating when full, even if there’s delicious food left. This demonstrates healthy eating habits that prioritize internal cues over external temptations.
7. Avoid Power Struggles Over Food: Resist the urge to turn mealtime into a conflict. Encourage a relaxed, stress-free environment where eating is a positive experience.
8. Enjoy Your Food: Lead by example. If you enjoy your food and eat mindfully, your children are likely to adopt a similar attitude towards eating.

Conclusion

Susie Orbach's advice emphasizes that feeding children should be less about persuasion and more about modeling healthy, balanced, and mindful eating habits. Instead of turning meals into negotiations or battles, parents can create a positive environment where food is enjoyed, not feared.

By fostering a natural and relaxed relationship with food, we help our children develop lifelong healthy habits. So next time you sit down to eat, remember: the best way to teach your kids how to eat well is to simply show them.

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References

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/they-do-we-do

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/five-things-never-say-your-child-about-food