Saudi Arabia – A New, Loving Perspective

Personal Blog Post: Join my journey through the Middle East and discover new horizons

Happy to share my 1+ year personal experience in Saudi Arabia/Middle East which is an invitation for expanding horizons and elevating multicultural understanding

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Located at the crossroads of Europe, Africa and Asia, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is one of the largest countries in the world, the largest country in the Arabian Peninsula, and one of the world’s fasted growing economies.

Yet, shrouded in mystery, the country and its people are relatively unknown to the rest of the world and unfortunately often times seem to be misunderstood on the global stage and/or depicted with stereotypes and cliches.

In my opinion, Saudi Arabia – including its men and women - deserves more than these stereotypes and I’m convinced that, as a society, we can do much better when it comes to cultural awareness.

As a Western woman in her early thirties who spends a lot of time working and travelling in Saudi alone (thus being permanently ‘dependent’ on the help and goodwill of the Saudi people), I would thus like to share my story to give a different perspective. But allow me start from the beginning.

I’ve been fascinated with the Arab world and the Middle Eastern region since I was a little girl, probably influenced by one of my best friend’s upbringing in a German-Egyptian household and a trip to Egypt when I was 15. Whilst it’s difficult for me to explain what exactly triggered this fascination, I believe that it was the combination of mysteriousness, foreignness, beauty, warmth, and pride that caught my attention. At 21, inspired by some Arab music that another best friend at university had shared with me, I signed up for Arabic classes and have been studying the language ever since. At 25, I started my PhD in energy politics focusing on North Africa, and travelled to Morocco and the Levant. During that time, it became even clearer to me that I would want to leave Europe and finally explore the Middle East at the earliest possible occasion.

To get there, I would have to overcome quite a significant amount of both professional and personal hurdles, but, and ignoring all the critical (or anxious) voices around me saying that it would be hard as a woman all by herself in the region (and that the weather was too hot…)[1] , here I was at 31, leaving my old life (or the remains of it) behind and starting all over in Dubai, the city of endless opportunities, the new New York. Landing an exciting job at a major consultancy in the UAE would finally bring me closer to my Arabian dream, even more so, as my first project (I had never worked in consulting before) was a long-term assignment directly at the heart of the Arab world, in Riyadh in Saudi Arabia. Considering myself a very open-minded and extremely curious person, I was filled with excitement, yet, and this is something that I regret, I was also a bit careful or vigilant. Not because I was scared (never), but not being able to entirely eliminate the skepticism in my head, I didn’t want to be too visible either or commit any cultural faux-pas. The fact that many people told me to ‘not smile at Saudi men’ or to ‘not wear too flashy make-up’, for example, would have such an impact on me, just highlights the hidden power of implicit collective bias that we are all unfortunately exposed to.??

Luckily, from day 1 of my arrival, all the skeptics were proven wrong, as I arrived in one of the most welcoming (and to me interesting) countries in the world. During the flight from Dubai to Riyadh, I had changed myself in the bathroom to put on my abaya (I didn’t know back then that this was no longer a compulsory legal requirement, but also out of respect for the local culture). However, at the immigration counter, I saw other women from my flight dressed in their ‘regular’ clothes (e.g. blouse and trousers) (‘regular’, because what makes something regular? Who defines those norms?). Likewise, I remember being surprised that in the bathroom at the airport, there was music playing (according to mainstream views in many countries of the world, wasn’t this forbidden in Saudi?). After immigration, I picked a taxi with a Saudi driver and during the 1-hour ride to my hotel, we listened to both Arab and American music and talked about everything, including our private lives.

Arriving at the hotel felt like going back to the 60s or 70s, but I loved the retro vibes and all the staff was very helpful and made me feel at ease in what would be my new home for the next months. The next day was my first official workday and my team and I went to meet the client and various other important stakeholders involved in the project. It was a very warm encounter and I think that during my entire work life in both Germany and France, I’ve never felt as welcomed as in this moment. It was a great start and whilst all my colleagues flew back to Dubai for the weekend, I decided to stay to discover Riyadh and, following the recommendation of my Saudi colleague and friend Mohamed, booked tickets for a concert of an Egyptian singer. So, on Thursday evening (the Saudi work week goes from Sunday to Thursday), I went alone to a big open-air concert hall near the Riyadh Boulevard, a recreational and commercial complex, inspired by Times Square.

I didn’t have my work phone yet and therefore no internet and so I relied on the old-school method of travelling, meaning I ordered a taxi from work and showed the driver a snapshot of my destination. Of course, we got lost and it wasn’t the right direction, but the driver, a Saudi, was so incredibly nice and helpful and with the little Arabic that I speak, we managed to find the right place at the right time (he also didn’t charge any extra for the detour). I absolutely loved being on my own in that moment, as it allowed me to soak everything in without any external filters or opinions (be them positive or negative) of a third party. It was fascinating, the people, the sounds, the smells, the atmosphere overall and of course the music – lots of women were dressed up in evening abayas and I remember noticing their important variety and how incredibly beautiful they were (both the women who I think are amongst the most beautiful and elegant in the world, and their abayas). Everyone smelt so incredibly delicious, with the scent of expensive oud perfume hanging everywhere in the air, adding to the entire, unforgettable experience.

The next day, which was my first Friday (the holiest day in Islam) in Saudi, I had planned to go on a hiking trip with my Iraqi colleague and later best friend Ahmad. Before the tour we met at the mall (which opened after the noon prayer) so that I would buy myself some hiking shoes (a very useful investment, as over the course of the next year, hiking would become one of my main weekend activities). A small tour bus took us to the desert, where we first hiked (or I should say walked) for around an hour across the beautiful scenery and later got Arabic coffee, tea and food around a cozy bonfire (it was already November and it started to get a bit chilly in the evening which by the way is considered good weather by locals, just like rain). Over dinner, we mingled with the other people of the group (Saudis, Omanis and one older couple from the Netherlands) and once more, I felt so touched by the warmth and openness of the people here. The Dutch woman (who admitted she had had a lot of stereotypes before coming over to visit her husband who works here) shared this impression with me, noting that ‘the reality is completely different from what we think in Europe’.

This first beautiful weekend in Saudi was the perfect start for the coming 8 months and whilst writing down all my experiences of this time would go beyond the scope of this piece, I can say that it was one of the best periods in my life: a time full of spiritual connections, lovely encounters, eye-opening moments (even for me who thought that her eyes were already wide open before) and discoveries of breathtakingly beautiful landscape. From the boundless and mysterious deserts around Riyadh to the astonishing reefs of the Red Sea in Jeddah, and the historical sites and ruins of ancient civilizations in Al Ula, to me, Saudi hosts one of the most beautiful and diverse sceneries and its nature is simply magnificent.

It has also been a year of great learnings, with lots and lots of hours of reflection about the notion of liberty, a concept that unfortunately is so often a main source of disagreement and misunderstanding between cultures. I think that whilst we should all live by the principle of ‘a person’s freedom ending where another person’s freedom begins’, I believe that it’s overall very much an individual and intimate concept that shouldn’t and cannot be imposed on one another. For example, whilst I was in a country (or region) that was ‘officially’ or by many labeled as restrictive, I can say for myself with conviction that I have never felt so at home, empowered and liberated as in that year. And whilst this has certainly to do with the changes in both my professional and personal life, I think there are also other reasons to it (which again, are strictly personal to me):

1.??The first reason is the spiritual connection that I feel whilst being in Saudi Arabia (or the Middle East in general). Unfortunately I think that this is something that many people in the West (particularly in Europe) are missing out, as apart from giving purpose and being a framework or regulator for life, it’s also a great way of calming one’s mind and focusing on what’s really important. I find that religious or spiritual people are generally much more relaxed, confident and ‘centered within themselves’, expressing for example genuine satisfaction or contentment with simple things. Another observation that I’ve made in this regard is the people’s spiritual openness and tolerance towards other religions; for example, whilst I personally resonate a lot with the principles of Islam, people do usually assume that I’m Christian when they see me (which I am by birth or education) and in an attempt of bonding I assume, a lot of them tell me how much they like Christianity and that we are all brothers and sisters anyhow (which I couldn't agree more with).

2.??The second reason is safety – in actual fact, Saudi Arabia is (just as the UAE) not a dangerous but a very safe country – according to the World Bank, the country registered 1 homicide per 100,000 people in 2019, placing it well ahead the US with 7 homicides and at the same ranks as Germany and France.[2] Sexual harassment has been penalized since 2018 (there is even an app, Kollona Amn, that allows to report such incidents) and as a woman, I can say that I’ve never felt so safe as in the Middle East (these kinds of anti-harassment laws exist in both countries). I was never in any threatening or weird situation and I’ve never had to worry about my belongings or whatsoever. Personally, having this security framework gives me freedom as it allows me to give up control (I know I can trust others), relax and focus on more important things. It also allows me to do things that I would never be able to do by myself elsewhere (or would be too anxious about), like for example travelling with people that I just met.

3.??The third reason, and again this is applicable to both countries, are speed, vision, dreams and people thinking big – ‘not possible’ is not a common expression that one would hear often neither in Saudi nor the UAE; on the contrary, I sometimes have the feeling that the more challenging something is perceived, the more exciting it is and the more perseverance in achieving it is pulled up. I’m inspired by the fact that this kind of limitless thinking is directly driven by leadership or top-down as it gives people something to aspire or adhere to, all the more so as the resulting spirit of renewal comes with sweet promises of opportunities for both the state and personal levels. I believe that the previously mentioned security framework is an important factor or accelerator for seizing those opportunities, as being or feeling safe does give space to blossom and is a prerequisite for self-expression.

4.??Next, there is the non-judgmental character or ‘unbotheredness’ of the Saudi people…especially as a foreigner, I don’t have the permanent feeling of not-fitting in or of being judged. Whilst it happens from time to time that people do look at me, I sense that this is more out of curiosity and it doesn’t bother me at all, especially because it’s very rare. I do a lot of activities alone or travel by myself, yet it doesn’t seem to go against any societal norm and everyone just seems to mind his or her own business. People are curious and friendly and ask where I’m from and what I’m doing here, but no one (apart from foreigners) ever questioned why I’m alone. ?

5.??Finally, easygoingness…I mean in general, Arabs and Arab countries are known to be more laid-back as other parts of the world, but what I like about Saudi is the balance in that regard and that this doesn’t degenerate into too much chaos. What personally oppresses me in Europe a bit is the massive amount of rules and regulations and the constant feeling of having to be aware of breaking any kind of legal setting. Whilst I appreciate that it’s necessary to have rules to regulate social togetherness, I also do think that one can overdo it as many things derive from common sense (or should at least).

6.??Last but not least, and this joins the previous point, there is the country’s rawness, vastness and unspoiled nature and I’m in awe of the space, wideness and emptiness (I’ll never forget and will forever cherish the beautiful memories of Al Ula and its absolutely stunning and captivating night skies) and whilst I hope for the country that it will become a tourist magnet, I do also enjoy the absence of over-commercialization, which as well is a form of freedom to me. In a way Saudi perfectly incarnates the idea of ‘more is less and less is more’ to me, meaning that having less choices on how you want to spend your free time saves you time and helps you focus on what’s essential in life.

One last thing that adds to this sentiment of comfort and liberty of mine and also plays into these aspects, is the human element. I feel like there is a great sense of social cohesion within the country (reflected in minor things like strangers calling you ‘sister’, for example). People are overall extremely open and curious and seemingly value profound connections over shallowness (on a funny side note, I’ve never seen such a frequent or widespread use of the Roses Emoji in any other country) and during this year, I was glad to make beautiful friendships with both Saudi men and women alike, and this from all kinds of different societal backgrounds. I had great conversations with Saudi men (taxi rides are a great opportunity to connect with people whom one usually would not have contact with) and I got approached by many Saudi women, complimenting me on my abayas, gifting me sweets or directly asking if we can be friends.

The impression that I got from these experiences was not at all the one that people often diffuse and whilst of course, I cannot speak for everyone and should not generalize, I have however seen the most respectful behaviors in Saudi – and as a matter of fact Arab[3] – men. To me it's this form of fundamental respect that adds to the previously described feeling of freedom of mine, which I personally define by the metric of my voice being heard and the impact that I have. Needless to say that respect shouldn’t be a one-way street, but the outcome of mutual efforts being made by two sides…for example, as a foreigner, I also do my best to respect the local culture and integrate myself through an open mind and heart (for example, by learning the history, language and traditions). From my experience, and contrary to what is often falsely claimed, I can therefore confirm that Saudi men do smile and they are actually quite good at it and do it very often (including to women); plus they have a great sense of humor and like to joke around and laugh. Some stereotypes are true, however, namely the one that Saudi men love cars and the desert and driving cars in the desert, and this often under questionable security conditions (which however makes it fun, I get it). And also that Saudi men have more traditional views on family – in fact, I’ve learned that I’m apparently very (like really very) late for marriage & kids (as per various taxi drivers whom I told my age and family status).

As for the women, there are also misconceptions that I would like to clarify, above all the one that Saudi women are forced to cover their heads or wear the abaya and aren’t allowed to drive (this is no longer the case since 2017), study or work. Whilst in terms of dress code, you shouldn’t expose all your body parts to the entire world either of course, you are free to wear whatever you want. As part of Saudis cultural and social identity, the abaya is still widespread, but with the difference that there is now a great variety of different styles, fabrics and colors available. Moreover, and given that from a religious and cultural perspective both sexes are supposed to wear modest clothing, the abaya is just as frequently worn as the traditional clothing for men, the Thobe, an ankle-length?robe , usually with long sleeves and white (at least during the summer). On a side note, and again contrary to what is often assumed, many Saudi men would appreciate for non-Saudis to wear the Thobe, and not see it as a cultural affront. On the topic of women driving, one can see many women behind the steering wheel and serving also as Uber/Careem drivers, for example. Upon discussions, many men told me to appreciate this as it would have helped to bring down the rate of accidents (according to them, women tend to drive more carefully, slowing-down traffic). And those raising concerns against this, would justify it with the fact that driving is considered as dangerous and tiring and should therefore be men’s responsibility. Finally, women do study (the percentage of female students who graduated in 2020 was 53.2%, compared to 46.8% for male students)[4] and work and the employment-to-population ratio for females stood at 39.9% in Q3 2022 (and is rising).[5]

Overall I can say that all the women that I’ve met were extremely welcoming, smiling and open and the ones that I was able to get to know closer were extremely smart, ambitious and confident and to me they seemed to know exactly what they want from life in general, and from men. To that extent, I think we in the West can learn a great deal from them when it comes to setting both boundaries and elevating our standards. Unfortunately, I think that we often have a false understanding of emancipation which makes us misreact to simple gestures of natural masculinity. For example, instead of acknowledging and appreciating an invitation for dinner or a ride home, we falsely interpretate it as an attempt to undermine our independence or strength. This is different in Saudi where men have to fulfill certain roles – for example, it seems to be a societal expectation or norm for them to courtship women and to have a more protective and caring side, giving me hope that chivalry[6] is not dead, at least not in this part of the world.

All of this makes me personally believe that it’s time for a change of narrative, and that we should stop once and for all portraying Saudi men as evil monsters and Saudi women (and as a matter-of-fact Arab women in general) as eternal victims. I have seen them as ambitious, intelligent and self-determined and believe that they will play a great role in the period of transformation that the country is currently going through. I’m convinced that this transition which again is still very young and has just started, will be a success if both continue to work hand in hand, as they are already doing now and I hope that the country will be able to keep up its pride and authenticity throughout this process. I’m happy and grateful to be a part of it.

[1] Just like it’s very cold over the winter in Europe, it’s very hot over the summer in the Middle East, but not as hot as it’s commonly portrayed and if you don’t want to be exposed to it, you simply remain inside of the house.

[2] https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/VC.IHR.PSRC.P5?locations=SA

[3] This article is mainly about Saudi, but throughout the year I became also friends with a lot of Arab men from other nationalities (Iraq, Syria and Lebanon above all) and everything that I write here does apply to them as well.

[4] https://www.stats.gov.sa/sites/default/files/woman_international_day_2020.pdf

[5] https://www.stats.gov.sa/sites/default/files/LMS%20Q3_2022_PR_EN.pdf

[6] Taking chivalry very seriously, Saudi men would for example make sure you are home safe, carry heavy things, open doors, pay for food etc.?