Saturday's Soliloquy

No joke, it has been the strangest few weeks. I think everyone can agree on that, in whatever sector of business you're in. There is tangible intersectionality at all levels of the market and where each decision/ private policy intersects with governmental policies at the global level. Which as a result, my colleagues and friends in federal service are going through immense fear, uncertainty and doubt (FUD), also known as chaos.

In keeping with my previous discussion points, lets stay focused on fundamentals and values. What are your values simplified down to the lowest denominator? I keep simplifying my values and if you have been reading or you know me personally, then you already know- my kids, my faith, surfing and hip hop. As I type that, the song and bar come to mind.. "..and I'm hyped plus I'm amped.. most of my heroes don't appear on no stamp.."

These values early on, minus my kids, packaged and helped me process chaos. So then I reflect back on one of the most chaotic periods of my life and how I managed to get through it. This example seems to be symbolic because it was thirty years ago next week that my father made the fateful decision to end his life. I was raised by my father after my mother left and as you can imagine, as an only child, I was lost. I had no choice but to push through and I found peace in surfing and hip hop.

This narrative isn't to deconstruct why my father made that decision. I was 19 years old and in many ways, I would not be who I am or know many of you if he had made an alternative decision. Fate has a way of putting us exactly where we need to be. This chaos, my chaos, your chaos- it will pass and then there will be more storms on the way. How do you respond to the chaos?

I don't need to reiterate that time is finite. At our most simplified form, that is all most of us are really after- sovereigns of the totality of our time. The rest of us are seeking affirmation through whatever avenues (monetary, titles, material, legacy, etc.). At some point, the outside validators, will stop validating you. You must be able to self affirm and intentional with your time.

So this past week, amidst the chaos, I went to ocean again for solace. In what appeared to be a relatively overcast day (see above) and only a couple of people out, I grabbed my board and hurried out. So rookie mistake here, I should have watched the ocean longer to time the set waves. I was focused on the lack of wind. I realized my mistake as I was paddling out and what I thought was a 4-6 foot day, ended up being an 8-10 foot day at close intervals.

The ocean was just angry that day. I could feel the energy as I was on a surfboard way too small for the conditions. I took so many waves on the head and dodged a few barrels that a school bus would have fit inside of. I also failed to notice that I was alone at one corner of the beach. I made a few attempts and couldn't get a good line to drop in, until a corner looked like it had potential. I put my chin down, and paddled for this monster as hard as I could. Riding a four fin set up, I thought I had a chance at making the drop. Next thing I know- I'm doing a Randy "Macho Man" Savage impression off the top rope, circa 85'. I didn't make the drop, took a beating underwater and three waves behind that wave at which point I came up painfully winded.

I grabbed my board and started paddling back out and sideways a little bit down the beach to avoid the sandbar. There was no wind and the water clarity was just magical. As I looked down, enamored with the water clarity, I saw what appeared to be a 10-12 foot Tiger shark swimming opposite direction at about 3-4 feet under me. Synonymous with the week- a chaotic moment- turbulence, an effing shark, waves coming.. what do I do? Deep breath, think, quiet the noise and make a decision (and don't pee in the water). I paddled between waves and was able to catch a whitewater wave in, with all my extremities still attached.

What was the lesson for the week? What was your lesson? For me, I was reminded that none of this employment search rhetoric even matters if I don't make it home. Life is so precious and fragile. Go live your best life, throw up a middle finger when you want to, embrace your inner Chuck D and don't ever be afraid to drop in. Those are my fundamentals that were built on the values passed down from my father. Thanks Dad, this is for you.

Have a great weekend everyone.