SATIR'S PERSONAL ICEBERG MODEL
Lana Kristine Jelenjev
Community Alchemist, Speaker, Healing-centered engagement and HOPE (Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences) facilitator, Safer and Brave Space Designer, Author “What’s STRONG With You?”
Are you familiar with the iceberg model?
Did you know that it was coined by a woman, “mother of psychotherapy” - Virginia Satir?
The PERSONAL ICEBERG METAPHOR by Virginia Satir (et al.) is used as a change and transformational tool to explore the self. It suggests that behavior is visible to others in the external world, but the internal world lies "below the water line" and is hidden from view.
Together with John Banmen, Jane Gerber and Maria Gomori, they used the PERSONAL ICEBERG MODEL for Satir’s systemic brief therapy to help facilitate awareness and understanding for therapists, in relationship to themselves and others.
The Personal Iceberg Metaphor recognizes 8 component of human experience:
1. Behavior
2. Coping Stances
3. Feelings
4. Feelings about Feelings
5. Perceptions
6. Expectations
7. Yearnings
8. The Self: I am
Behaviors are at the top of the iceberg. Satir believed that behaviors are results of internal processes within a person and are the manifestation of the changes or blocks within the person’s inner world. Satir also noted that how we behave is a reflection of our self-esteem. Therefore, once the internal world changes, the external behaviors will also change.
Behaviors are visible to the external world and include:
Coping Stances- the four survival stances are placating, blaming, computing, and being irrelevant.
Satir thought that these stances "originated from a state of low self-worth and imbalance, in which people give their power to someone or something else. People adopt survival stances to protect their self-worth against verbal and nonverbal, perceived and presumed threats."
Satir believes that all people possess the necessary coping resources to face life’s challenges, though some may have yet to access these resources or may view any or all of them negatively. People always do the best they can at any given time. Even destructive or otherwise negative behaviors serve to indicate the best coping possible at that time.
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According to Virginia Satir " Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”
For us to better understand ourselves, we need to go below the waterline and check in with our feelings, feelings about feelings, perceptions and expectations.
Feelings are our body’s physiological response to events, pictures, expectations, and dreams. They are universal with every human being. Sometimes, they can be disproportionate to the interaction that may strain relationships and foster conflict and ongoing misunderstandings.
Satir suggested that feelings are a thermometer and can give us insight about the inner self. Our feelings are intrinsically tied to our family of origin. We learn how to manage our feelings, hide them, ignore them, deny them, or accept them based from experiences with our family of origin.
Feeling about the feeling is often referred to as the second level feeling. This feeling is more difficult to surface and may be hidden or non-existent with specific events or pictures. As the individual grows in self-understanding the person can more easily access this area.
The second level feeling may often be:
- guilt
- shame
- fear
- hurt
- rage
- or it may activate a survival message.
Perceptions are assumptions we have, biases we carry, and importantly, the ideas that we believe are fundamentally true, and our values. Unpacking perceptions and reframing them are important for us to learn and have greater awareness of our behavioural patterns and tendencies.
Expectations come from our past experiences, but also from family, friends, media, legends, stories, religion, myth, culture, race, gender, caste, etc.
Unmet expectations affect one's self-esteem, wellbeing, and ability to connect with others. It is important to surface expectations based from:
Yearnings- Satir identifies “yearnings” as universal among human beings, and hence cannot be denied or disregarded. Being congruent at the level of yearnings means to acknowledge one’s humanity and what one longs for and strives to actualize it.
It is important to uncover the yearnings that underlie behaviors, coping stances and feelings as well as acknowldge both fulfilled and unfulfilled yearnings. Yearnings when fulfilled can fuel us to have hope and energy. When unfulfilled, it contributes to expectations of the self, of others, and from others.
The Self: I am refers to the “life force, spirit, soul, core, essence”. This is who we are, have been, and always will be; the very core of who we are. All people are innately good and have positive Life Energy at their core. Self is always changing and entirely malleable. This is where spiritual connection exists coming from a wellspring of life energy, presence and deep soul essence.
Interested to know more about Satir's Personal Iceberg Model and how you can use it as a facilitator? Check out the full facilitator toolkit here
?? Master's student at Warsaw University of Business and Psychology | ?? Bachelor's in Education ?? Passionate about teaching & psychology | ?? Avid reader . ?? Nature enthusiast |
3 周Thank you so much for telling about Satirs personal iceberg model ! It was my first hearing this during lecture and now I can understand it very well. thank you so much.
Winery General Manager [email protected]
5 个月Thank you for this!
Behavioural Change Counsellor & Coach. Supporting individuals in their Personal Development & Mental and Emotional Well-being. Owner Recipes4Change.
1 年I read Virginia Satir’s book The New People Making three decades ago when I became a parent. She literally transformed my life. Love her work and philosophy. Thanks for honouring her work in this post Lana
ADHD Coach, Transformational Coach, Corporate Trainer, Speaker
1 年Thanks for reminding me of Satir's work. It has been years since I heard her name. I've not seen this model. It's the stuff underneath that fascinates me and that's where I like to focus my coaching work. Thanks Lana for this post.
* Championing young adults and their careers * Mentor | NLP Coach
1 年I came across her work when I did my NLP qualification.... Fascinating to use her work to help explore what people mean with the words they are saying and as you say 'peel back the layers'