Sarcasm and the In (or "A") spiring Leader: "To Sarcasm or Not"

Sarcasm. I mean what could possibly go wrong? Because all leaders are greaaaaattt. "Sure, Bob, it's not that your presentation is bad; it's just not meant for actual people."

Sarcasm. Some people LOVE it. Others don’t. Most of us are in between are casual, occasional users.

Me, personally? Yes, of course, occasionally. It's not my go-to style - especially when I work with leaders and teams.

Yes, I know many sarcastic people. It's different when you don't work for or with people. Because I am not a captive audience, and I have legs. I can use them to walk away. Like ZZTOP sang, "She has legs and she knows how to use them." For a NUMBER of things, guys, not just for THAT. LOL.

Sarcasm-Horny? Even Discussing Sarcasm Polarizes

See, that's the point. Sarcasm is not universally loved or interpreted the same by everyone.

Why is it so tricky for so many leaders, you know, people? 94.7% of leaders are, in fact, people. And every time I write about this I get lots of opinions, much of them sarcastic (shock!).

I am not taking away your 'sarcasm', folks.

I AM giving larger context to help people understand nuances for leaders, teams and building trust with people YOU need to inspire and lead. It matters and that's the point.

The short and the long of it are stories in themselves.

Let's dive in into this topic that I don't think is contentious; yet, whew it gets people sarcastically hot and bothered.

Through a Comedy Lens

In comedy, we call it the ‘lowest form of humor.’ Don't get those undies in a bunch just yet. We say that not because it’s inherently wrong or because we’re looking our comedy noses down at it; it’s because sarcasm as a form of humor is easy. Anyone can do it. The bad news? Any one can do it. It’s not the most clever device in the comedy tool arsenal AND it’s easily misconstrued.

Audiences have fatigue at the easy stuff; and they love humor that makes them feel good, not cynical. Occasionally, sure. Audiences deal with sarcasm every day in their worlds and they want to be challenged and experience something different.

The Challenge of Sarcasm at Work

And that’s exactly why it’s important to understand why sarcasm, like it’s opposite self-deprecation, is not a great go-to humor style for leaders who want to motivate, inspire, connect with all team members across personal styles, and build trust with teams. I didn't say occasionally. We're talking over-indexing on sarcasm with your people in meetings, teams, when there is tough news to break. A sarcastic go-to response signals a wall and can be interpreted as "I don't want to talk about it." They may NOT be the case at all - also why sarcasm as a go-to is rough.

In short, part of why sarcasm backfires at work for anyone, especially leaders:

• it alienates
• it often doesn’t translate easily across cultures (many cultures don't get it)
• it minimizes concerns and real issues
• it may not be easily seen as humor: short, again, it’s among the most misconstrued because often it veils contempt, judgment and passive-aggressiveness

Sarcasm often is a put-down which is fine when it's aiming at power (up the power chain). Too often sarcasm is thinly veiled passive-aggression.

There is such a thing as positive sarcasm, however, it's rare and that's exactly the point: most sarcasm is not positive. It's hard to do positive sarcasm.

Leaders Need to Bear in Mind

As a leader of teams, your job is to say big things and build trust; sarcasm does not easily do that – in fact. It works against that. While some people on your team love it, others may feel that they cannot trust you to take their concerns seriously. The thing is, they won’t tell you. When we don't trust leaders, we don't tell them that. Because usually sarcasm is at the expense of someone compared to more clever types of humor - such as affiliative humor styles - that lift people up by laughing around a common experience.

And the research bears this out. Sarcasm has a high rate of diluting trust. And trust is what leaders need to build. Remember, if your go-to response relies on sarcasm, when team members have personal and important things to say, they often hold back because they think you'll respond exactly that way. And while some people will like it; your job is to connect with all of your team.

Kathy, What About Intelligence?

Yes, sarcasm can also be a sign of independent thinking and intelligence. That’s also true. And look, sometimes we can't help it - it's right there. It's low-hanging fruit. I get it. Occasional sarcasm is great; for example, when you are using it to connect with others over bad leaders (punching up the power chain). That's where it does occasionally work.

The research ALSO shows that affiliative humor that lifts people up is a sign of emotional intelligence - and that is more likely to build trust over time.

What Does ALL of That Mean?

Look, the complex answer is be smart about it. The research (a lot of studies show the same thing over and over) and my experience is the same on self-deprecation..which is often misconstrued as a lack of self-confidence, especially for women. And the reality is that may not be true; yet, that is how often it is misinterpreted by others.

So here it is, leaders: Watch over-indexing on it.

I always get (sarcastic) messages from sarcasm fans. Look, no one says never use it. Be intentional about it. You might like it and people who look like you might. Not everyone. And I have yet to meet a leader that always pulls off sarcasm. Because...everything else I wrote here.

Sarcasm, folks, may be funny here and there and also, it does not inspire anyone.

Use it with your friends, with people who know you and with whom you have established high-trust. That's fine. It simply means watch it as you go-to with people you don’t know, and with people who work for you and even with you. It won't build trust the way you think it does.

When you have high-trust you can use it OCCASIONALLY (operative word).

What About My Personal Brand?

Work for yourself? Great. If that’s your brand, great.

Bear in mind that using it as a brand is NOT the same as using it in your leadership communications within a company.

If people want to opt out of your brand online, that’s easier. What’s not easy? Working for a leader who uses sarcasm to hide passive-aggressive thoughts, leaving others to constantly second-guess themselves. Your employees don’t get to ‘opt out’ of things just because of your style. They can't just stop showing up to work because of you.

Some people are sarcastic that is who they are and for a personal brand, being who you are matters. Be that. 100%. In companies where people work with you NOT by choice, it lands differently.

The Short of It...for Leaders of Teams

Use it with friends, people who know you. Watch over-indexing on it and be aware that it can be misconstrued because it doesn’t translate easily quite often. And in speaking where you are trying to inspire, yeah, that can backfire.

As a leader, your goal is to bring people together and build trust. And sarcasm often undermines that goal.

To bring people together, use affiliative humor that lifts people up or even self-enhancing humor where you can use your own experiences to lighten up a situation. Those humor styles work well to build connections.

Do your thing. Context matters. And power comes in understanding context that works for your particular goal and style.

"Oh REALLY, Kathy?" Yes, really. That's the non-sarcastic scoop.

Q: What does your non-sarcasm self think? What does your inner sarcastic champ think (dear GAWD!)? lol

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Kathy Klotz-Guest, MA, MBA, is a keynote speaker, author, trainer and comedian who spent 15 years leading large marketing, product and comms teams in high-tech in Silicon Valley. She's also spent almost 25 years doing improv and stand-up comedy. Founder of?Keeping it Human , it's her?mission is to help organizations, leaders and teams unleash more innovation adaptable leadership skills and storytelling so employees and their customers thrive! We shouldn't fear humor and improv; rather, we should nurture it so employees and ideas are nurtured. Kathy also runs?The Seriously Funny ?podcast on Spotify and Apple Her book, "Stop Boring Me!" was listed as a top marketing read for 2017 and 2018 by Inc.com.