The Sanskari Appeal For Equal Love

Dear Heterosexual Sanskaari People,

I am sure you are having a good time. The LGBTQIA+ community has lost its Equal Marriage case in the Supreme Court. Now you are the only ones who can marry. That's a right that will be exclusive to you. The apex court has also ruled in your favour, thus cementing your position as the keeper of marriage. Many condragulations.

Now is the festive time where you can roll and troll and call everyone who ask for equal stroke as Liberal and Woke. It is the time when every tweet I put gets a thousand responses from paid profiles with a blue tick. Feels so good to be so in demand. It's that time of the year where your words travel faster than light. You have truly arrived. I received your lovely trolling messages about the fact that gay people have a "backdoor entry", about the fact that gay people are "unnatural"... some of you are so loving that you want us in an island, so that we can spend quality time with each other and have sex the whole day. Seriously, what else do queer people do, right? Other than sex... what?

But I have a few questions for you. I hope you dont feel that I am intruding.

• Do you live with your husband or wife only to have sex? Do you engage in sexual intercourse only when you decide to make babies? Do you have sex for recreation too? And if you do have sex for recreation, then why are you so cheesed out about Isnt sex natural, regardless if its for procreation or recreation?
• Do you enter only from the front door? (If you know what I mean) Haven't you ever thought of the top door or the backdoor? And if you have... then, what makes it so difficult for you to digest that we do too? Though we also have "sides" who have a closed door policy. And by the way, is it natural for you to always imagine us having sex? Does that qualify you as bi or bi-curious?
• You say we will spoil the fabric of marriage? So, you are saying the fabric is all pure and pious. You dont get divorced at all? There are no instances of beating and cheating? And wouldnt they exist in every relationship. Gay or other way. is there one way of defining the fabric of heterosexual marriage. Do gujaratis marry the same way as tamils and do tamils marry the same way as punjabis and do they marry the same way regardless of caste and religion?
• I am told that our homosexual unions are not natural. Previously our gender and sexuality were not. Now our marriages are not. Maybe this is your idea of our graduation. What is natural then? Getting a woman married to a tree? Or during the middle of the day trying to spot the star called Arundhati? isnt love the most natural thing?
• Finally, arent you against sex before marriage. Isnt that the most non-sanskari thing on planet earth. How can one get deflowered before the first night mating dance? The reading down of section 377 gave us the right to have sex with a fellow adult in private. We are now asking for the right to be sanskari. We do not want to have sex before marriage. Let us also have sanskari sex. Only after marriage. Abhi Nahi. Abhi Nahi. Shaadi ke Pehle, Kabhi Nahi.