The sandwich doesn't satisfy (but this does)
We don't mind doing hard things. But speaking hard truths? That's where things get uncomfortable.
Most people would rather dodge difficult conversations than risk upsetting others or creating unwanted conflict. They disguise negative feedback as a "praise sandwich" — tucking the critical message between two gauzy pieces of praise. Who hasn't given or received one of those before?
To be clear, there's nothing wrong with praise, especially if it's framed right.?Groundbreaking research?by Carol Dweck shows that when praise is focused on process instead of product (the "how" versus the "who"), it can be a powerful motivator. The issue with the praise sandwich...is the?sandwich: Not only does it?dilute our message, but it also diminishes trust. When we don't address issues clearly, we leave others?wondering?what we're really trying to say — and why we don't come right out and say it.
The good news? We can ditch the praise sandwich for a more satisfying feedback alternative. I call it a?feedback WRAP. Rather than talk around issues, we can use the WRAP approach to bundle specific observations with nonjudgmental descriptions and share feedback that's both candid and caring.
WRAP stands for:
Simple and straightforward, WRAPs allow us to address issues with clarity and coherence. They shift the tone of feedback from blame to contribution. And they give others more voice and choice over what should happen?next.?They represent?fearless feedback?at its best.
WRAP your feedback
First, describe?what's?happening?and?where?it's happening. Set the coordinates and context for this conversation. Be clear about the the specific issue you'd like to discuss. Instead of opening with a vague question ("Can I give you some feedback?") that leaves others bracing, give it a name and destination. ("Can we talk about what happened yesterday at the meeting?")
Next, state your?reason?for sharing the information. This provides more clarity for the receiver and eliminates the feedback guessing game of decoding the giver's intent. It also conveys a powerful message: "I'm sharing this feedback because I care about you and us. Your work?matters, and so do you."
From there, shift the tone of the feedback by emphasizing?affect, not blame. Describe how this behavior impacted you (and others) rather than judge the person for the behavior. People may disagree with our words, but they're less likely to contest our emotions. Describe the impact, don't judge the individual.
And finally,?prompt?others for their ideas on what to do next. Engage them as partners in their own plan of improvement. Not only will they appreciate the opportunity to be heard, they're more likely to follow through because any future action is?their?idea, not ours — increasing the odds that positive changes or improvements will occur.?
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How to serve a WRAP
Here's how you can deliver fearless feedback with a WRAP approach.
John is a strong performer but sometimes lacks savvy when interacting with others. He has a tendency to blurt out and cut people off, and seems to have a hard time reading non-verbal cues. Rather than talk around the issue, use the WRAP to address the issue directly, with candor and caring:
This is high-grade feedback.?You clearly define the cause and context (John interrupted Kim during the meeting); explain your reason (John cares about the team and you care about him); explore why it matters to you and how you feel right now (team dynamics and workflow are suffering); and seek genuine input from John (rather than imposing your own solution). Not only does John know exactly what’s on your mind and why you care, but he’s also prompted to evaluate this information for himself and generate his own call to action.
By approaching others as genuine partners, our feedback is more likely to be positively received. And because we're eliciting their ideas and suggestions, there's greater trust, respect and commitment behind the process.
Talking to people about their performance is never easy, but when these conversations are repackaged as WRAPs, people feel truly served by the feedback they receive — and may even start coming back for more.
Keep fixing,
Joe
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Dr. Joe Hirsch helps organizations design and deliver feedback without fear. He's a?TEDx?and?global keynote speaker?and the author of "The Feedback Fix." Joe's work and research has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Forbes, CNBC, The Wall Street Journal, Inc. and other major outlets. He also hosts the popular podcast,?I Wish They Knew.