Same Sailboat, Different Experiences

I remember many years ago when my dad ran a marina, we had these two big, beautiful – and identical – Hunter sailboats that were sold to two different people. After the sales were finalized, the first guy came into the marina and talked endlessly about how much his family was enjoying the boat, how gorgeous the handcrafted teak was, how smoothly it careened across the water. The second guy came in and grumbled about how the stitching was off, how poorly it was constructed, how bad the hardware was … how we totally ruined his weekend.?

How is that possible? How could two of the exact same boats elicit such diametrically opposite reactions??

For me, I can explain it with Don Miguel Ruiz’s second agreement from The Four Agreements: “Do not take anything personally.”

Each reaction to the sailboat was a reflection of that person’s particular experience of the world, how they saw things and what they believed. It had nothing to do with my dad and it had nothing to do with the boat. The movie playing inside their heads simply wasn’t the same, even though the two boats were.

It’s powerful to embrace the second agreement because it means I don’t have to lie awake at night, tossing and turning, agonizing about what people think of me. As long as I’m following the other three agreements – being impeccable with my word, making no assumptions and always doing my best – then I don’t really need to take anything personally. I can find strength in knowing that somebody else’s experience of me has nothing to do with me at all!?

As Ruiz states it, someone can intentionally send “emotional poison” my way but I can choose not to eat it. I have that choice at my disposal, always. I can choose not to take what they do or say personally because I can realize where it’s coming from, and it’s coming from THEIR version of life, the movie script unfolding inside THEIR mind. What they think about me isn’t about me, and on the other side of that realization is nothing but relief and smooth sailing.