Not Same River, Not Same Self

Like a stubborn man disappointed with social media, I resisted joining LinkedIn for a long time. In the IAS, one could get away without having a network of professional connections. But before taking the plunge into the private sector, I joined this platform. As it began, I restarted writing articles, this time on LinkedIn. The mild interest in my writing and engaging with readers brought a sense of déjà vu, reminding me of earlier days when I took to writing.

LinkedIn articles are supposed to have a dose of motivation and learning, and it took me some time to decide if this article about self fit here. It’s more about what the Greek philosopher Heraclitus meant when he said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”

My first memory of writing was in the mid-nineties, when I had just entered my teenage years. Inspired by reading Gandhiji’s autobiography, I decided to write one myself. After filling a couple of pages with childish thoughts, I realized that a fourteen-year-old doesn’t have much life to reflect on. Now, when I think about it, even the idea seems audacious, and I can’t help but smile.

Back then, I lived in a small town where getting your name in the board exam merit list was the simplest way to stand out. Perhaps to find more material for my autobiography—or maybe just to build an identity—I worked hard and made it to that list. My picture appeared in the local newspaper, and when the reporter asked me what I wanted to become in life, I could only think of one answer: the IAS.

By Class XII, when I moved to a bigger town, my goals had shifted. The new goal was to crack the IIT entrance exam. It seemed like life had meaning only if I could pass the JEE exam. I gave it my best, and by the time I entered IIT Kanpur, I felt like I had exhausted all motivation. The years at IIT were fun, but often felt directionless. For a long time, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to enter the corporate world or do something else entirely.

During my time at IIT, I wrote only one article for the college magazine, but it was a hit. It was based on: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” (Thank you, Mark Twain!)

After a brief interaction with the corporate world, I remembered what I had told the newspaper years ago. I felt my true calling was in making a change in the world, so I started preparing for the IAS. In 2006, I began writing again—this time on Blogspot, when blogs were all the rage, and Orkut was the social media platform of the day: my blog was titled anuragsbuzz.

By God’s grace, I cleared the IAS exam more easily than many others. My blog gained some popularity as I wrote about life in the IAS. But I realized that people weren’t always interested in my writing—they were more curious about getting a peek into the life of an IAS officer.

I wanted deeper connections through my words, and I dreamed of writing a novel. After working for years on half-finished drafts, I realized my creative calling wasn’t just in writing—it was also in making YouTube videos.

I started a YouTube channel, The Family Productions , and if you haven’t seen it yet, consider this my shameless plug. ??

Life changed again. I left the IAS, and here I am now, writing on LinkedIn. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that while we may feel life will end if we don’t achieve certain things, time has a way of proving us wrong. Looking back, I can laugh at how seriously I took myself and feel proud about my audacity at times . I’ve learned to accept that priorities change, life evolves, and the river of time never stops flowing. The river of life moves on, and as it does, we realize we are no longer the same person either.

In the end, I can’t help but be thankful for this journey. Ghalib’s sher captures this feeling perfectly:

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And if you’ve read this far, thank you for staying with me through this little ramble. ??

#PersonalGrowth #LifeLessons #Transformation #Philosophy #ChangeIsConstant