Sales Pitchy: Why You Can’t Have 20 Minutes

Can we connect for 20 minutes?

No. Well, most likely no, but I’ll get to that.

Look, I understand. Sales is hard work. The only thing more difficult is recruiting. You might doubt the assertion until you realize that recruiting is simply a double sale. Products and services don’t have opinions (at least not yet). They don’t say things like, “you know, on second thought, I’m going to accept that counteroffer. Sorry.”

But that’s not the point.

The reason you can’t have 20 minutes…well besides the fact that it’s never only 20…is the overwhelming proliferation of these requests.

For a while I’ve had the sense that the number of electronic cold calls has been steadily increasing. And so I started to count. One month I received 224 separate requests. 224! That’s ridiculous. I’m not even famous. I don’t guest star on Shark Tank. I don’t Snap-Tok or Tik-Chat. And to the best of my knowledge I haven’t recently dropped a rap album. I’m just a regular guy. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve purchased 224 items in my entire life, never mind a month. It’s an insane figure and impossible to accommodate.

Pitch Worthy

Perhaps it’s my role. As an HR guy I get offers on everything from traditional software and the latest employee apps to coaching tools and leadership programs. One salesman recently asked about my employee “snack strategy” if you can believe it.

Then again, maybe it’s me. I’ve always considered myself a snarky introvert, but perhaps I possess an alluring quality that sales folks can’t resist. Not to brag, but I’ve received dozens of vague compliments in the past week alone. I’ve been called sharp, forward-thinking, and influential in my space. I’ve also been offered ground floor opportunities in a number of exciting, pre-launch, potential-unicorn ventures. And I’ve been “personally” invited to meetings by someone’s administrative assistant…well, virtual assistant…okay, Scheduling-Bot, but it was still very flattering.

Tone Deaf

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the attention. After all, these savvy salespeople “Work with companies just like mine.” And they’re capable of, “driving exponential growth in a matter of months.” And even though “they’re not trying to sell me anything,” it’s flattering to hear that they’ve, “had their eye on my [Company named spelled wrong] for some time.” Actually, that last one’s a little creepy.

The thing is… I don’t go for phony pick up lines. I mean the least you can do is get my name right. I’ve been called Chris, Ken, Tom, and strangely enough, Irene?(which is odd as I thought everyone knew I go by Susan). Seriously, how difficult is Tim? It’s not like I’m asking you to stick the landing on Toterhi. BTW it's pronounced (TOE-TER-RYE). ?

Clearly, sales is just a numbers game to you. So lose mine, would ya? Really. Stop calling, and emailing, and LinkedIning, and carrier pigeoning. I’d like to say, “It’s not you. It’s me.” But it’s you…it’s all you.

Award Show?

There were a few stand out pitches to be sure. While most requesters took the easy approach – simply adding my ill-gotten address to their automated email assault apparatus, a few brought that little something extra and were thus worthy of the following awards.

·????? Most Ridiculous: Kyle – Who sent six emails in 20 days selling a system to reduce email clutter.

·????? Worst Opening Line: Jackson – “I don’t even know if this makes sense for you, but...”

·????? Most Almost Self-aware: Kim – “There is a fine line between persistence and annoyance. I fear I may have crossed that line. But just in case I haven’t…”

·????? Most Nonchalant: Lisa – “I happened to be coming your area tomorrow and would love to pop by for coffee. (Great, now I have to vacuum.)??

·????? Most Vague: Nikki – “Would you be available sometime in the future for a quick call about an important matter? I promise to keep it crisp and productive for both of us.”

·????? Dueling Salesman Award: Greg and Brian – Who emailed the same form letter about the same product on the same day.

·????? Most Concerned: Jill – Who wondered if I couldn’t respond because I:

A.?? Was trapped under something heavy.

B.??? Had been eaten by a bear.

C.??? Was stuck entertaining the in-laws.

·????? Most Helpful: Dan – Who just wanted to bump his email to the top of my Inbox (again) in case it got lost in the pile (he created).

·????? Most Redundant: Lucy – Who, as a new account manager, tried to sell me a service I already owned.

·????? And finally, Most Optimistic: The gentlemen who thought I was in the market for private aviation services. Must be my new haircut.

Of course, there are others worthy of special mention. The stalker salesman (In fairness, he called it aggressive shadowing), the forlorn vendor who was “grief stricken” at my non-response, and restless rep who peppered me with warnings to “act now while supplies last.” I salute your enthusiasm…and have secured associated restraining orders.

Voice Lessons

I admire tenacity, but you can’t brute force hack my calendar. If you want to stand out you have to do better than electronically waterboarding prospective customers with a flood of generic messages. Success requires specificity. If you want me to spend 20 minutes with you, spend at least half that on me.?

At minimum learn my name. Know what industry I’m “influencing.” And be specific about my “great work”. Also, don’t ask me to schedule a meeting without a clear agenda and your expected business outcome.

Want to really get my attention? Try something like this: Hi Tim, I love your books, especially ____. Given my familiarity with and belief in your work, I'm certain I can help you with ____. Can we discuss? ????????

Ticket Price

Of course some of us have absolutely had it with your shenanigans and are in need of a sure-fire way to get off your mailing list. To them I say…charge a vendor meeting fee. Simply auto respond to any incoming sales messages with a bit of reverse marketing and a calendar app that only allows paid appointments.

For example you could say, “Thanks for the note. I’m happy to listen to your pitch or provide feedback on your business idea, but those 20-minute meeting requests add up. If you truly value my time and yours, please book a session. I look forward to lending my thoughts to your endeavor.”

Encore

It’s easier than ever for salespeople to make a play for your every waking moment. Electronic communication is cheap, automated, and undeterred by rejection. Take back control by responding in kind. ?

They say time is money, but that’s not exactly true. Time is far more valuable. Don’t give it to a stranger with a half-assed pitch and a halfhearted agenda. Take that 20 minutes and hop on the treadmill, play catch with your kid, or whiteboard a big idea that will advance your career. It’s your time. Use it wisely.

Want to learn more? Click here to book a 20-minute….

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About: Tim Toterhi is not your typical CHRO. He’s an author, career coach, and TEDx speaker who approaches life with a playful smile and an eyebrow up.? Other articles include:

·?????How to Coach in 60 Seconds

·?????13 Things Every Man Needs to Hear

·?????Leadership Lessons from a Dead Fitbit

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Photo by cottonbro-studio and RDNE