Sales book inside business novel "The Salesman Against the World" re-released today! SAMPLE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS HERE!

All:

Good afternoon!  It is my hope this note finds you well, amidst a productive week. Today, I can announce that my second sales/leadership book inside novel, 2014's "The Salesman Against the World" has been given the re-edit, special edition treatment.

I'm particularly proud of this one because it's good as a standalone, takes lead character Vincent Scott into some uncharted waters, has a few twists, but is basically a letter to his daughter. It's not all about sales; it's about life, career, and betterment. I'd be honored by your feedback!

THE SALESMAN AGAINST THE WORLD

? 2010, 2014, 2016, 2017 Carson V. Heady

Copyright notice: All work contained within is the sole copyright of its author, 2010, and may not be reproduced without consent.

 Acknowledgements

 To the readers and supporters of Birth of a Salesman for making that experience so rewarding, my parents, family and friends and, most of all, to my best friend, Madison. 

 Thank you to Jonathan Foreman and Switchfoot for writing and recording the song, “The Blues.” It got me through some very challenging personal times.

 “Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.” - Al Bernstein

 Birth of a Salesman and The Salesman Against the World are works of fiction, and any resemblance to any people living or deceased, or any corporations past or present, are purely coincidental.

  

“The Surviving Game” by Vincent Scott

INTRODUCTION –

Sales: The Real Oldest Profession

 

In the annals of history, one common philosophy, thread and attribute binds together multiple facets of all professions, walks of life and means of communication.  That commonality, pulsating through every vein of humankind is the psychology of sales.

While the pushy and the unethical in the trade give the love a bad name, "sales" itself is a necessary trait in communication - business and personal - and its characteristics are woven deeply into the very fabric of our existences.

Sales is the oldest profession in the world because it is in who we are, what we do, how we act and how we go about our daily lives. We’re all in sales – some of us are fortunate enough to be paid handsomely for perfecting the ability.

Basic communication in business and personal relationships boils down to listening, asking specific questions, and learning how we can cure what ails those who come into our lives.  Whether we are teaching or being taught, providing a customer service or receiving one, or we are enjoying some of the finest things in life, sales is involved - be it out in the open or behind the scenes.

To teach others, in whatever setting, the audience must be considered - what do they need?  How can I meet those needs?  From there, follow-up is required - is the curriculum taking care of the clientele in the best means possible?

To provide a service - hotel, restaurant, automobile - the potential customer is the central figure of the universe.  What are they looking for in accommodations, amenities or appetizers?

Then, the "selling body" - be it a university, a hotel chain, restaurant chain, major corporation or a Mom and Pop store - must show that potential customer that they are the winning choice.  They have to prove themselves to be the best fit for that need.

Supply and demand has been around since the dawn of time.  The gathering and hunting, bartering and trading, negotiations amongst peoples - these are common themes in all eras of mankind.  Sales tactics and techniques, listening, communicating and putting the "customer" at ease that we have their best interests at heart, understand their situation and are the answer when it comes to satisfaction of said needs go hand in hand.

Whatever profession you are in, whatever relationships you are a part of and whatever your daily routine, these same principles will be utilized regularly.  You may think you want to distance yourself from the sales game, but that is where you are wrong; the day will never arrive where we are no longer called upon to sell something to someone.  It could be selling your significant other on the restaurant for the evening, your child on using the potty as opposed to his/her diaper to do their business, or dazzling a potential employer to hire you - face it: that is sales.

The best at it can create a lot of opportunities in his/her life, so, no matter what your calling, station in life or aspirations, you should never stop striving to learn and conquer the selling game.

At its core, like the world we live in, sales is an honorable domain - a psychology and human understanding so intertwined with our daily lives that its essence is evident in many of the things we do and say.

While the world is full of evil elements and decay, you can put the windows down and drive south on the interstate with the sunlight beating down and the wind in your hair and all of those things go away – if even for a moment.  There is enough beauty in the world to keep ourselves waking up every day.  There is enough beauty in sales to keep us waking up to it every day as well; sometimes we just have to look a little harder to find it in the people we work with, the lessons we’ve learned and successes we’ve achieved.

Capitalism in its purest, utopian form makes our world function monetarily; supply and demand, meeting customer needs and servicing the customer effectively and with care keep the machine finely tuned.  However, just like the world, when the seven deadly sins - namely greed - enter the picture, anything can take a turn for the worst.

It is our duty, as noble knights of the selling profession, to keep honor in the game.  True salespeople are not cheaters, not liars, and not human manipulators; they are listeners, they are givers and they are more concerned with putting the needs of the many in front of their own.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of unscrupulous salespeople, managers and above in the selling game.  Our prime directive, however, is to maintain discipline and integrity and ethics in what is a sometimes dirty game.

Just as the world is not inherently bad or evil, neither is sales.  A few bad apples give the orchard a lousy name.  Always remember: we have a holy trinity of sales to satisfy on every transaction - be it a solitary call or visit, a negotiation or a long-lasting relationship.  The customer, the company and the salesperson must be satisfied on every deal; short-change any of those three and the result is an unhealthy sales balance. Someone unnecessarily suffers.

Many companies talk out of both sides of their mouths; they dismiss shady selling out of one side, but on the other they promote it by doing nothing about it or commending great performances that were brought about unethically.  Stay strong.  Find ways to creatively weave everything into your arsenal without crossing the line.  Once you cross, there is no going back. And superior, ethical sales can be accomplished.

Remember: we are compensated to make money for our company. This does involve knowing all of the nooks and crannies and idiosyncrasies of the playing field. It can involve manipulation of the playing field – but never manipulation of the customer or company. 

Much of sales can be the words we choose to use, handling sales objections, overcoming fear and usage of statistics to further our cause of satisfying that holy trinity.  However, when you start skipping steps, when you bend the rules, fudge the numbers, tell half-truths and slick your way to the sale, no one wins.

Think about it: sure, you may get to mark that stick tally on the board today and ring the bell.  You may get that pat on the back from your boss.  But when the product or service fails to deliver for the customer, who wins?  When you or your company or your goods get a bad name because of that failure, who wins?  What will be the potential fallout in the black eye of a faulty reputation?

The best salespeople see the big picture of all of their words, actions and strategies.  And, in the end, no one wins (least of all the honor of the selling game) if you or anyone else gives sales a bad name.

Treat the selling game well and it will reciprocate.

 “The Surviving Game” by Vincent Scott

The Purpose to All

 

 

It may not help you to read about how many times Babe Ruth struck out or Michael Jordan missed a shot because – let’s face it – these are mythical creatures we may have seen a glimpse of, read about or watched on a highlight reel. 

To help your perspective, I've personally been rejected for 2,578 jobs I've applied to and my book was rejected by 953 publishers and agents before publication. Despite that – or, perhaps, better said in the face of that – people often consider me successful. I consider myself plugging along on a quest that is yet unfinished – who knows where it will go.

Success is relative; tied to a great many things. Most of all, it is relative to the definition of the beholder and their prioritization of love, family, money, fame and power in their lives. Some feel they need only one of the above while others constantly scramble to attain it all; someone with their priorities in order can find “success” with far less than others who are never satisfied.

Many types of success can be obtained and then lost; these fleeting achievements make finding spiritual success and gratification through your satisfaction with yourself, and/or through family and friends all the more important. Affiliating ourselves with long-term sources of joy and happiness can provide more lasting effects. Having people around you that have a positive impact on your life and who weather the storms with you is often the greatest success of all for many people. For others, finding peace and understanding in their solace provides this effect.

No matter your level of mastery of selling, management, leadership or life, you will be challenged tremendously over the duration of your personal journey for success. It is highly likely you will witness unfair practices, be a victim and struggle with losses that are completely out of your control – no matter how good you are at whatever you do. That is why – even more important than the selling game – there is the surviving game. Surviving whatever life throws at you and continuing to plow forward through it all leads to what many deem to be success.

If you are reading this, let me lead off by saying thank you. 

After The Selling Game I felt accomplishment; I had summed up something I wanted to contribute to the world and managed to fill a book with said musings. The experience was (and is) a tremendous learning one. It also gave me a priceless opportunity: connecting with people all over the world that I could learn from and mold my experiences because of.

Writing this was much more difficult; I had to remind myself many times that I was not writing about finding prolonged senses of joy or happiness; I’m stumbling and falling along this voyage of life just like many of you may be. I chose to write about surviving: a topic I am well-schooled on.

Our lives are constantly in motion, continuously classified as works-in-progress and, regardless of circumstance we are faced daily with decisions that will craft our futures. This is why having a defined plan to reach your goals is so vital. This is why knowing what you want to achieve, recognizing what it takes to get there and checking things off the list in that quest as you tackle them is pivotal in following that road map. 

Research shows that the people we deem as most successful in life do just that: make a long-term plan, divvy it up into daily checklists and tackle each one at a time. This ensures we are accomplishing the necessary tasks along the way but also shows us a concrete synopsis of where we’ve been, where we are and where we’re going.

We cannot control many of the things life throws at us, and we will often be knocked several steps back…but we continue going forward where others stop cold in their tracks and we will eventually find the finish line.

If it was easy to be “successful,” everyone would be doing it. We must continue where others would stop trying and especially when we are tempted to stop.

As we discussed in chapters regarding battling burnout and earning the promotion, keeping fresh challenges in our lives is paramount. In addition, living a life you can be proud of, making choices you can and will have the courage to stand by and operating without fear and regret are extremely tough to do. Sometimes they seem downright impossible.

It is often suggested that our chosen career path should coincide with our answer to the question of what we would do with our lives if money and privilege were no object. The thought behind this theory, of course, is that when we choose with our heart, we find career happiness. Of course, money very much does play a factor, but there is some merit to this point. Your talent matters, and it is often very much tied to the gifts we have to contribute to others. If you’re great at something and passionate about doing it, your probability of success in that field is greater hence you can sometimes make a career out of it.

We all came into this world with something to contribute. The trouble is, we often get caught up on what we do not have or what is holding us back rather than making the choice to shine. 

We are often our own worst enemies. It is not until we can train our mind to dismiss thoughts of negativity and doubt upon recognition of such thoughts that we can start to make a significant impact to our trajectory. Fleshing out the goals and the plan are part of the puzzle, but how you address and react to the perils along the way (both internal and external) will greatly affect your success in putting it all together.

We often wait for affirmation of some kind – someone to tell us that we are good. This is why many of us seek this in significant others or friends and become dependent on that “love” – such people feel they must have this confirmation to keep themselves going. Others find the drive and necessary mechanics internally. Some just cower in the corner as wallflowers, afraid of rejection or ridicule and choose to never put themselves out there. 

But everyone has a gift, and it is our duty to share it with the world. It’s why we’re here.

We each have our talents and our shortcomings. A delicate trick of life is to keep balance to our focuses and not let the latter overcome or overshadow our ability to display the former. What we are passionate about or good at needs to shine through despite turmoil and in the face of uncertainty; often these are the very things that carry us through.

This is the very reason we are often told to count our blessings or remember what we should be thankful for. Perspective – again – is critical, as “it can always be worse” and “this too shall pass.” These phrases have gotten many people through such dark times, as has prayer.

People rarely believe me when I describe myself as an introvert. I have reached out and expanded my horizons as necessary over the years, but specifically growing up I was quite private.

Speech class was something I dreaded, I did not proactively seek new relationships and I kept to myself. It takes time to pinpoint where solitude fits in your realm of solace. 

Yet to achieve our goals, we must often transform ourselves – a necessity to gain the support and conjure the confidence to succeed. This is a step some choose to ignore – to their detriment. Only once we become who we must be to truly utilize our talents and share our gifts with the most people possible can we really experience life – and the taste of what success is for us.

We owe it to ourselves and others.

Many of us spend so much time worrying about negative outcomes that never come to fruition, but – unless we keep it under control – those doubts have a way of drowning out the positives. 

A dear friend taught me years ago that we must immediately recognize the presence of a pessimistic thought or doubt and dismiss it from our consciousness. At first, this seems like taking on Goliath with a water pistol, but with concentrated practice over years, you can better control your thoughts and emotions and not let all of the potentially undesirable outcomes drown out your dreams of success.

You may be the best at something, or might be 10th best. The Games are not open to just one participant; there is not just one sport, one team or one destination. Not just one politician, occupation, work of art. Success and purpose are interwoven throughout time and cultures – finding our niche, while sometimes difficult, should always involve following your instincts and heart, trusting in dreams, the occasional leap of faith and gambles, willingness to learn and make mistakes and living a life without regret.

What would you choose to contribute to the world if money was no object and failure was no option?

Of course, they very much play a factor – sometimes more than ever – but dare to dream and find a compromise in your balance of obligation and pursuing goals. Make time for pursuing your dream on the side while you work to pay the bills in the hopes someday the former outweighs the latter. Put yourself out there. Let the well-beings of those you care about and are responsible for temper your decisions but ensure that you are not turning a deaf ear to your calling. 

A well-organized, strategic plan to reach your goals taking into consideration everything and everyone you are responsible for, preparation for and ability to react to downsides along the way and repeatedly revisiting the plan will lead you where you seek.

We get one crack at this thing called life; we have a gift, and it’s a crime not to let others see it. Do what you love, hone in on your passions and decide carefully how you are going to express those gifts and enjoy the dividends you will receive by investing them in bettering the world.  

What is the end result you want in each area of your life? Write it down, construct a step-by-step process to get you there and carry it out. What needs to be accomplished every step of the way? No long-term goal can be achieved quickly or overnight, but taking care of the steps that get us there will lead to the victory we seek.

Journal your experiences. You will learn from your choices that yielded good, bad and unpredictable results.

Sure – we’re all faced with obstacles along the way but it is the carrying out of our initial plan and our breaking through the barriers of roadblocks along the journey that determine if we finally reach the Promised Land.

Every day, in every way, my mind continues to accept and process just how great and vast and wondrous this existence is and can be. Things that make no sense at first glance, things that confound and confuse many, are all revealed when we allow our true selves to come into focus.

So – what is the purpose to life, to our reality and to the things large and small that we encounter, experience and expect daily, monthly and over the annals of our years?

You may be a powerful person in the business or political world, or a cog in the wheel of the front lines working with customers. You could be the great-great-great grandmother to the doctor who cures a fatal illness, or you could be that doctor. You could write a song, play, movie, or television script that inspires someone to get off their couch and do something that touches someone else’s life; you could be the person inspired to jump off that couch and make a difference. 

You could be an athlete with motivating ability, or be a janitor whose handiwork prevents someone from falling and breaking their neck so they can go on to win an Olympic medal and inspire millions worldwide.

You could positively impact one other or one million others. Who is to say which act of inspiration was more or less worth it than the rest?

The point is that it all matters; that’s the purpose to life. Our lives are all intricately intertwined and everyone has purpose – even if they don’t know what it is right now or – like some great explorers or artists – don’t have the profoundness of their impact known until after they leave this life.

The real challenges lie in finding our own purpose, committing to that destiny and staying on course, despite all obstacles that will inevitably present themselves in our paths over and over until the day we die. That is the surviving game – essential to the success game.

These obstacles can break your spirit, your physical body or your morale. But they only will completely stop you if you let them. 

Believe me: you will face hardships and stumbling blocks and grief like you sometimes cannot even imagine. It may not let up. Your definition of happiness, your desires and your destinations may change, and often at that. At the core, however, the most vital attribute is staying true to yourself, your beliefs, your morals and what you hold dear.

And even if you have been crippled by the brutality that life can inflict on you, it makes you all the more valuable, versatile and viable in your quest of facing the trials that still lie ahead. 

Those who allow life to keep them down will be kept down. Those who move past the hurdles, learn from them and challenge themselves to be great will be.

The most profound morsel from Napoleon Hill’s revered work Think And Grow Rich is that the preponderance of those who have found what the general consensus deem to be success found it just after most people would have given up. The moral of the story? Keep taking steps towards your goals and your destiny, no matter how many steps you get knocked back. Weather the storm. You will eventually find the blue skies.

Is the aspiring actor who never becomes a household name, but keeps trying all while they are waiting tables to pay the bills, any less valuable to the world than those who broke through and made it against all odds? Who’s to say that just because they were rejected the last 20 times, the 21st won’t be the charm? 

The people fighting who don’t necessarily “make it” in the eyes of the public can still find what they need or want through their craft. The experience and the journey will lead to relationships and moments that define them. They also push those regarded as “the best” to be even better – which benefits everyone.

We all have our own preconceived notions about what “making it” is. Live a noble life that you can be proud of. Make a difference, one step at a time, one day at a time. Embrace each day you are fortunate enough to receive and own that day.

Only if one believes they are not valuable does that become true. Only if one fails to choose to put forth their best foot, best effort and their all will they find that rewarding life. As long as you have breath left in your body, it’s never too late to start contributing positively.

The things that are easy to obtain come with less sense of reward and triumph. The best things we have – the accomplishments, the victories and successes – often came at a price or with extensive effort. At the end of the day, the people and things we have in our lives that truly add value are what we must be thankful for and we must spend our time treasuring.

Be proud of yourself, your transitions, your forward-thinking strategy, the steps you are taking and the person you know you will become. Other people can and will be obstructions, just the same, and often for their own jealous reasons. If it or they are not adding value to your life, that obstacle must be jettisoned immediately.

Life and pursuit of happiness and success in any goal are a process. You cannot achieve it all in one day or one year – it is an ongoing decision to continue along the path, doing what you know to be right by others and yourself. There will be unexpected events, but often they will enrich and better you. There will be failures along the way, but they will teach you. There will be times you doubt everything; they will simply determine how badly you really want what you claim to want. 

It’s not easy to find what you seek, but nothing worth anything is. You are exactly where you are supposed to be; revisit your plan, readjust your mentality when needed and keep moving.

A string of ten failures in a row does not mean the eleventh attempt will result in another one, so why do we ever stop trying? Athletes miss shots, lose games, but they keep conditioning and playing. Actors put out poorly-received films, but they keep cultivating new ones. We lose jobs, we have horrendous relationships – but do we stop working or trying to find a match that will fulfill and enrich us?

Think about the people you consider great. They are majestic in our minds because they never stopped when faced with adversity. If they inspire you, let that attitude inspire you more. 

People love success stories, comeback stories and tales of greatness and grand ideas because, if even just for that moment, they believe or believe again that greatness can be achieved by all of us. It’s why we rally behind stories of accomplishment in life and business and sports; it is why we lose ourselves in films for two hours and it is why we often seek escape from our lives in these other mediums. Find something when you escape in these other worlds, take it back and apply it to your life.

Life, business, politics, medicine, operations, sales – these are all processes that have been practiced and experimented with over the history of our world. Someone can have flash in the pan success and disappear from public consciousness. Someone can flounder around with the wrong course of action and never find success. Or, you can live a life that allows you to look back and know you did everything you could to squeeze out all the juice of life in every situation. 

That choice is yours.

The most difficult part of life is actually living it. There is so much uncertainty and so many impediments. Happiness is often just a fleeting period of contentedness, interrupted regularly by roadblocks. If everyone could make it to the top of the mountain, they would, but most people stop somewhere along the way after multiple falls.

Through decisions, learning, falling, and getting back up, weathering storms and keeping your eyes on the prize, you can find reward.

We are not inventing or re-inventing any wheels here; the processes in the aforementioned walks of life have already been created and done a thousand times over. Our role is to contribute. Our role is to add to what has been done; to make our own invaluable entries in the ledger of life. Doing these things will prolong your periods of happiness and give you the reward and satisfaction you seek.

It is key to remember that everyone has at least one talent or gift they are here to contribute. Everyone has a part to play. Everyone has something to offer, and you cannot let anything stop you from making that contribution or helping others make theirs – even if you have no idea what the end result is. We are investing in future successes; we invest without assuredness of outcome, but with strategic, well-plotted investments we give ourselves the better probability of success and happiness.

Figuring out what you want can also be tricky, but without that goal to move towards we are just moving aimlessly. We wake up one day and realize we don’t have what we want; but we’re to blame for not figuring out what that is. And being able to commit to that, commit to a plan, commit to the process that matters and commit to staying away from the evils and obstacles is a very challenging task that will literally consume your entire life.

Are you satisfied with absolutely everything about your life right now? Figure out what you are not afraid to risk to get what you deem is happiness; if there is no satisfaction in your life, you can risk quite a bit. The positive change can yield positive results. 

There is no such thing as a prescription of action that will handle or appropriately address anything you could possibly face. There is no road map to life. There are no-win scenarios. Your heart will be broken, your fears realized and your limits tested. Daily.

Just make sure that you focus your sights on what will truly give you the feeling of happiness, accomplishment and satisfaction; don’t settle and do not let the knockdowns of life keep you down. Do not let fear prevent you from taking the necessary steps to sharing yourself with the world or taking the necessary risks to achieve something great.

Celebrate the wins when you get them. Relish the good times and people you are blessed to encounter. They make the dark times manageable.

Control what you can control and do not get lost in what you cannot; follow the same process in how you treat others and conduct yourself whether you’re winning or losing. For every great thing you put out there into the world or for every group of people who loves you, there will be those who hate for no reason, condemn without justification or try to erode the confidence of you and those like you. They wish to bring you down to their level of misery or lack of success – don’t let them. You cannot control others but you cannot let anything diminish your spirit or resolve; you owe it to the people you make a difference to who actually matter. 

Take the hits. Absorb and learn from them and keep moving forward. Even if you do not understand the reasons now, you will in time; you will look back and the path makes sense. You will realize it was all worth it. And you’ll have no regrets.

It is how we handle the setbacks and the choices we make in the face of them that define our legacy and mold our outcome.

             We have all been there; staring down the barrel of the unbelievably difficult situation, not liking our choices and having no one to hold our hand while we have to take a leap of faith into an uncertain future. The sink or swim moment; you can allow the tides of life to wash you away, or you can stand, fight back with all your might and choose to survive.

             The hardest part is the having to remind yourself that “it can always be worse,” that “surely this will beget something else.” We think no one else can understand our frustrations and fears. Some of us are forced to go at it alone; some of us choose to. We know that at this fateful moment we are such a far cry from the trajectory we thought we were on or where we hope to be. 

We long for those days of innocence long gone; we look to children and envy their carefree days and ways.

             When we were born, our life was a blank canvas; one to which we have added brushstrokes of brilliance at some points. Nevertheless, we all have our burdens to bear; the masterpiece will not paint itself and we must endure the dark as much as we enjoy the light.

              A lot of poor souls are burdened with the absentee parent or parents or being born into an undesirable environment; they meddle through life with a lousy foundation and bad example having been set for them and find it difficult to trust and have no one to fall back on. It can be overcome, but that takes strength of character, resolve and commitment to the process that leads to overcoming such an environment.

             Life is not easy for anyone. I think sometimes we look at celebrities and think they have it all; but the truth is so far from that perception. Their lives, missteps and problems are played out for the world to see. People take potshots at them every day, most of which they do not deserve, because it is easy to armchair quarterback someone you want to see fail because their failure makes you feel better about yours. They are also often slaves to the system that makes them famous.

             Perception is reality and we all – for better or worse, fair or unfair, deserved or undeserved – are judged by it, even from the least credible of sources.

             Our carefree days of youth give way to high school and sometimes college and the real world where it becomes all the more important to apply yourself and the innocence fades away. We become adults on life’s timeline and there is no going back. 

Nothing can prepare you for the awkwardness and complete and utter confusion of puberty, that first kiss, learning to drive, dating, wondering what the hell you are supposed to do with your life, declaring a major, getting a job, keeping a job and, then, on top of it, wondering every step of the way if you are doing the right things and dealing with your own set of unexpected circumstances.

             But we – our fears, our minds, our worrying about things that will never come to pass – need to make sure we are helping ourselves rather than hurting.

             We must adapt and become the people we have to be in order to be a success in the path we choose. Failure to do so leads to failure. And there will always be somebody there to take our place, pass us if we stand still, or deny us based on our hesitation. Figure out which fears are holding you back, dissect them and dismiss them as best you can. Find the validity in them and address them in your plan of attack.

             Every day, I see or talk to people who wonder why they are getting passed over for jobs and they are in danger of getting lost in their own misery or uncertainty. Little do they know that the only way to succeed is to keep throwing yourself into the lion’s den. Keep applying, keep looking for ways to set yourself apart from the hundreds of others who want the same spot you want. What have you done to prove you’re the one and only? What are you doing or willing to do that they’re not?

We obsess so much about these things that are far more trivial to those around us – our looks, how popular we are, how quickly we succeed. Many of us care so much about the superficial, about what these people who will abandon us in a heartbeat think about us, and about fitting in to cliques that only want something from us. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Treat people that take you for granted to the exit.

             Learning matters, knowledge matters, health matters, and building meaningful relationships with people we can actually trust that help get us through the day matters. How you control what you can control matters; how you accept what you cannot matters.

             Your greatest competition is against your own potential. No matter the potential or the prodigy, the game must be played. You do your best to control what you can. You get your heart broken, you break hearts. You either drink, smoke and experiment with mind-altering substances or you don’t. You fit in, or you don’t. You are alienated, or you alienate. Or, sometimes both. You take care of your body, or you don’t. You go to college, or you don’t. 

             You have to figure out what you love, what love is and what it is not.

             You kiss, you get butterflies, you get physical.

             You either have a social and professional network, or you don’t. You try really hard to find a job you may very well hate, but might be a stepping stone to one you don’t. 

You learn that complaining accomplishes literally nothing, or you don’t and you keep doing it.

             And – on top of that – you deal with your own brand of unique circumstances, issues and problems.

             It is all about who you know and not what you know, no matter how unfair that is. So get to know the people who will care about what you know.

             You deal with loss, you cope with catastrophe. 

             You finally, eventually learn what really matters: family (be it biological or not), faith, true friends, work ethic, and always moving towards your goals no matter how many times you fall down or get knocked backwards.

             Truth is, you cannot spend your life worrying about things that do not matter. The quicker you find that out and the earlier you learn that, the better.

             You can’t be afraid to lose, make waves or piss people off. You can’t live outside your means, but you also cannot hold on to dear life to things that are worthless to you when you die.

             Do what you love doing. Do what you can for you – as often as your life permits.

             Seize good days and good moments and good friends while you can, for it can all be taken away in a moment, a day or a heartbeat.

             Learn to pick your battles, but do not let worthwhile battles go unfought.

             And always live without regret, for regret is one thing that can certainly not be erased.

             The moment of truth – that sink or swim moment – will find all of us; sometimes our lives will afford us multiple forks in the road like this. The decisions we are faced with will sometimes surface in a haze of uncertainty; big weights will be on our minds and hearts and huge things at stake. But, through it all, do not forget that it will one day all make sense, even if it could not be farther from that place now.

             Any activity in life if repeated numerous times can become monotonous and mundane, even in a fast-paced society or occupation. The challenges of learning and mastering a trade and discovering your talents and gifts to their potential notwithstanding, it is incumbent upon us to regularly resurface, reapply and reinvent ourselves. Keeping a few fundamentals near and dear to our hearts can greatly ease the process.

First, recognize that you will be dealt your fair share or more of rejection. Baseball players are fortunate to get a hit one-out-of-three times they march to the plate, hockey players may make less than one in ten shots on goal, and it is likely your conversion rates in things that your success is derived from is far less. 

Hearing the word “no” over and over can be a blow to the ego, but it is certainly not personal and not uncommon. Get to the point where you can look back on every transaction or event in your life and career and know the specific reasons why it went the way it did. Learn from it. Utilize that knowledge in similar situations going forward. Go to school off your experiences.

Hark back to the best version of you; perhaps the person you were on the day you interviewed for a job or the day you made the decision to improve yourself. Recapture that vigor. We all lose sight of that energy from time to time; we sold ourselves or someone else on future activities we would carry out – a workout routine, an impeccable job performance or a better diet – and we will hit brick walls. That’s normal. But when the walls are hit, we find ways to scale them, go around them or barrel through. Don’t let them stop you.

We all lessen our intensity from time to time, but we must analyze ourselves and our performance. Be our own toughest critics. Be open to constructive criticism from others. Ultimately, do not let something that is not indicative of who you are and what your potential is become the perception of you… because it will shape your reality.

We can often control far more than we give ourselves credit for. Our effort and our reactions and our treatment of others and our activities fall under this jurisdiction.

Keep your personal life relatively personal; as a general rule, you can trust far fewer people than you may initially feel inclined to. 

Keep finding what it takes to motivate you to continue your quest to the next level.

Pick yourself up, time and time again. Keep yourself grounded in reality, remind yourself who you are and what you’re after and stay focused on the big picture – no matter how hard that becomes. Each day comes to a conclusion and God-willing we get another one with which to improve upon the last. Keep the past in the past, take the knowledge with you on the journey and make the most of each day you are fortunate enough to have.

We are on evolving, continuous quests to find something – knowledge, power or the elusive grail known as prolonged happiness – and, like many ordeals it is the trials, tribulations, wins and losses in the meantime that mold us into the people we become. The journey is the payoff; not the destination.

Our best lessons often lie in defeat. We are able to (and should not be afraid to) look back and realize what we gleaned from the endeavor and how we move forward more effectively. We decide to address the inadequacies we have uncovered about ourselves. We decide how to better apply our skills and traits and talents in the future to either avoid pitfalls or better arrive at the end results we desire.

Lessons are everywhere: in relationships both business and personal, in what we do and do not do and in the results from everyday choices. Learning is a large part of what we have; it is fundamental to growth and keeps things interesting at all times. 

We get into situations where melancholy and misery make us miss the monotony life can provide, but it is during these times of tests and personal challenge that we figure out who we are and who we are destined to become.

These are all words – to be fair. It’s trusting them and trusting ourselves that play a large part in determining the outcome.

Embrace the challenges.  Look for the teachings and lessons in every little thing.  Often, we are quick to dismiss other people's ways of thinking or opinions, but unless we are constantly looking for ways to improve ourselves and the world around us - what is the point?  Why are we here?  Because it sure as heck isn't for no reason.  We are here to leave our mark, to contribute to the team that is the human race and to give of our talents and skills to help mankind.

A day without learning is a day without living.  It is a day you can never get back.  These are opportunities you may never see again so you must seize them as they enter your field of vision.  Take the fruit you are given and squeeze every drop of juice from it you can before it spoils; only by taking life by the reins and directing your destiny can you truly live a life of no regrets.

Pain and suffering and tough lessons are a part of life.  Who would we be without the break-up's, the betrayals and the beatings we have endured?  We begin life as a blank canvas with limitless potential to become a masterpiece.

Look for the lesson and the moral and the meaning in everything you do.  Challenge yourself to improve every day.  And never stop that journey because the second you stand still, someone will pass you.  The second you stop climbing, you inhibit your own chances of reaching your peak, your summit.

And a day without learning, challenging yourself, or doing whatever you can to make a difference is a day without taking full advantage of this gift of life that has been bestowed on us.  Will you look that gift horse in the mouth?  Or will you do everything you can to seek the answers of the world?

That power and that decision is always up to you.

             We all came into the world a blank canvas. We had a beginning and a foundation – weak or strong. And I bet that each of us have easy excuses just laying around that we can use at any time to justify in our minds why we don’t always do our best.

             The success game has no place for such excuses. Those excuses will be what keep you from making the moves to get ahead in the game. Of course, even “winning” in the success game can be temporary and you have to keep playing and playing through more and more muck. But we all have a starting point, we all have the ability to stop and reassess and we all can ultimately turn our canvas into a stunning work of art.

When you get knocked down, do you play hurt, or do you call in sick?  Do you make excuses, or do you accept literally no obstacles?  What do you do in the no-win situation - call it a no-win situation, or die trying? Do you sit back and accept injustice, or do you fight? Do you risk lackluster results and tweak your process to get what you want?

Success has a million different definitions. Those society deem successful likely do not even view themselves as such.

It takes extreme courage.  Life often requires you to take the flying cannonball leap into the deep end of the swimming pool to get what you want.  Sitting back and wishing will lead you to look back years from now and say, "What if?" Instead, say, "Why not?"

Challenge the norm. Put yourself out there.

Bide your time, even if you just have to take a positive step in the right direction every day. You will eventually reach your destiny and you will become better every day.

Every day, every loss, every failure is a blip on the radar.

It takes heart, character, determination and courage to be successful - whatever your definition of the word is. Never take your eyes off the prize - that's the only way it can get away.

For, in the end, the real truth is that life and finding purpose and realizing personal success is nothing more or less than the surviving game. Surviving – and surviving well – in our endeavor to contribute our talents to the world lead to success – and that’s the purpose to all.  

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