Salary Negotiation & "The Pleaser"

This is the start of an ongoing series I'll call 'Practical Positive Intelligence & Mental Fitness'.

Today's character 'The Pleaser'

A senior executive client of mine reported she was a better version of herself in a recent salary negotiation for a new job because of the Positive Intelligence (PQ) work we're doing together in coaching.

It doesn’t' matter whether you're negotiating with your kids, your spouse, a new employer, the people buying your house or a car dealership …it doesn’t matter. Negotiation is a vital business and life skill.

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"The Pleaser".???These are just some of negative patterns of thinking can get the way of your ultimate success and best expression of yourself. You might recognize some of them below.

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• Description:?Indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. Loses sight of own needs and becomes resentful as a result.?
• Characteristics:?Has a strong need to be liked by people and attempts to earn it by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering them. Needs frequent reassurance by others about their acceptance and affection. Can’t express own needs openly and directly. Does so indirectly by having people feel obligated to reciprocate care.?
• Thoughts:?To be a good person I should put the needs of others ahead of my own. It bothers me when people don’t notice or care about what I have done for them. They can be selfish and ungrateful. I give away too much and don’t think of myself enough. I can make anyone like me. If I don’t rescue people, who will??
• Feelings:?Expressing own needs directly feels selfish. Worried that insisting on own needs may drive others away. Resentful for being taken for granted, but have difficulty expressing it.?

Source: Shirzad Chamine?

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?All of this starts with an 'event' whatever that might be, the story your survival brain whips up about it, the negative emotion that comes after that and the behavior you may later regret.?

The judge shows up first to find fault with self ("inner critic"), others, and "the sitch"… then depending on that situation… you'll have an accomplice Saboteur pattern of thinking show up. These thoughts can come in so fast we don't even stop to think where they are coming from.??

• EVENT:?You got a job offer that was lower than you expected
• EMOTION: Disappointment, Shocked, Confused, Betrayed, Worried, Nervous
• SABOTUERS: The Judge "You're too big for your britches, you don't deserve more! Who do you think you are?"
• SABOTUERS: The Pleaser "I feel selfish asking for more"?"I should be grateful for what I'm getting"

My client was stunned at how 'ease and flow' this process went for her. From the work we're doing she learned to be aware of and notice these pesky patterns of thinking and she could spot them when they reared their ugly heads. She gained the tools and developed a mental fitness level to shift her perspective in the salary negotiation when these thoughts came up.?Finally, the self-command she developed had her asking for the kind of dollars that were commensurate with her experience and worth.?She got the money she went for, got a signing bonus and got the job!?She said she couldn't believe the final offer!

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Negotiation is something we do daily.?It’s a vital skill for work, for home and in life.?Whether you're buying a house, a car, navigating an organization or getting a new job.?This skill matters!?

What thoughts trip you up in negotiation?

If any of the thoughts described here sound familiar.

If you're having a hard time recognizing the thoughts that are blocking your success in negotiating both professionally and personally, let's talk!?

Send me a DM here on LinkedIN to hear more about this work and this program.?There are tons of books that say negative thinking can get in your way and lots of advice why its damaging to have these thoughts.?This work shows you the scientific and practical 'HOW' to take back your thinking, turn down the volume on those negative thoughts and step into your success!

Here's something to know, we ALL have this 'feature' of being human. We all have our Saboteur Patterns of thinking. They come from our original This work is about helping you understand them, having you get out in front of them and step into the best expression of YOU!

Watch the TED Talk here: "Know Your Inner Saboteurs"

Take the assessment and meet your Saboteurs here: "Meet Your Saboteurs"

DM me your top 3 and let's get going!

I've got an accelerator 6 week program coming up in soon if you're looking to fast track 'getting your mind right' for your next big life adventure. DM me if you're interested.