Saint Oberon
SAINT OBERON
After spring came a sudden snow. It left the milkweed covered in crystals. The ice was cast over seven chrysalises. The sun began to thaw the plant. Drop after drop of water collected at the frail foot of the milkweed. Not a single cocoon stirred.
But inside one chrysalis something moved. It was Oberon, roused by the warm sunlight. It was dawn and the light glowed with the promise of birth. In an instant the chrysalis and ice cracked. Out slipped Oberon. His first thought was how warm the dawn. He looked at the six other pupae. They remained inert and lifeless. Oberon cried, as he knew that they would never bloom into butterflies.
Oberon slowly fluttered his wings and took flight. Dawn had just kissed the morning. He gained altitude and saw a butterfly chasing a bumblebee. He thought that looked like fun. Oberon began to chase the butterfly. It was a monarch like him, his mirror image, but female. Male monarchs have a black spot, whereas females do not.
The two butterflies frolicked through the forest. Deeper into the woods they went. The trees were tall and this made it dark at daylight. Oberon laughed and asked the butterfly her name. But she was coy until they were in the deepest part of the forest. Then she said, “I am Eugenia. You, Oberon, have been chosen. The spirit of the monarch butterfly flows through you. I will be your friend always.”
“Wait!” cried Oberon. “Who are you?”
She simply said, “I am Eugenia, your friend.”
He blinked and Eugenia was gone.
Oberon felt the migration in his veins. He met with other monarchs as he traveled north. But he did not see Eugenia. He asked if anybody had seen his friend.
“Eugenia?” they said. “Eugenia is dead. She died a very long time ago. If you look inside your soul you will know that she is the first monarch. She gave birth to us all.”
Oberon sought out his soul and found Eugenia was there. For the rest of his life Oberon was left wondering who he had chased deep into the forest.
His life lingered for two months. Then, on the day before Oberon was to die, the sun shone enormously red and round. The rosy rays of light obscured his vision. Suddenly, like magic, she was there. Eugenia landed on a leaf next to Oberon.
She said, “You and the entire universe know that you will die tomorrow at dawn, but today is not to be wasted, for today is time to learn.”
Oberon was very old; six weeks is a lifetime for monarch butterflies, and Oberon’s body shook with age. “Why learn now before I die? How will I be able to use the information?”
Eugenia laughed. “Do you think I would teach you without purpose? I am, after all, Eugenia, the mother of all monarchs, and my appearance to you is no accident. I am a messenger from that being that you and all other creatures feel in their soul. Some call it God and others the universe. Your life holds special meaning.”
Oberon looked at Eugenia. “But how will what I learn cross the great darkness?”
Eugenia looked at Oberon with great compassion. “Believe what I tell you. Everything you learn today you will remember in the next life. It is only change, like when you were an egg and you became a caterpillar, and when you were a caterpillar you turned into a chrysalis, and when you were a chrysalis you changed into a butterfly. Change is all around you. You cannot help but change. Does not the moon change? Does not day turn to night? Does not each day turn different from the last? Nothing remains the same, and we must face change our whole lives. But you must not allow change to change you. You must remain steady. Like a great rock by the tempestuous sea, you must remain solid no matter how you are battered by change. Transience cannot be avoided; it is everywhere. You must flow with change and not fight against it.”
Eugenia spoke until dusk and then she disappeared. In the darkness Oberon thought about what he had been told. You can’t let change change you. Death is nothing like passing through a mist. It is only change. He suddenly realized the power of thinking that way. He did not look at the dawn with dread. Change is what is normal, he thought.
The sun rushed to rise over the horizon. The first rays rolled across the sky. Oberon sat tranquilly; it did not bother him that his life began to ebb from his body. It did not bother him that darkness began to swallow his being. Change is inevitable; I will flow with it and be carried by its wind wheresoever it will take me. In all the brightness of dawn, dark death claimed a butterfly.
Nearby, an egg sat dormant on milkweed. Inside was the reborn soul of Oberon. As an egg he would quickly hatch, then become a caterpillar. The milkweed was his food. It is poisonous to all but the monarch butterflies. Armed with that sustenance, monarchs are poisonous to all predators. Oberon ate the milkweed and remembered what Eugenia had told him in his previous life: change is natural; we must never be overwhelmed by it.
Oberon spun a cocoon around himself. To change from caterpillar to butterfly would take a small death. Every cell in Oberon’s body would have to change. Oberon realized that once again it was time to die. Inside the cocoon Oberon turned to liquid and he was no longer a caterpillar. Oberon embraced the change and soon emerged from the chrysalis. He was a butterfly again, and even through his metamorphosis he remembered his past life and all that Eugenia had told him. Oberon joined the other monarch butterflies and headed north.
Monarchs listen to the heartbeat of the earth and go north to it. As Oberon was flying he noticed another butterfly near the tip of his wing. It was Eugenia and she asked him to follow her. They flew out of the wilderness and deeper and deeper into the city. Eugenia spoke. “What do you think the nature of suffering is?”
Oberon replied, “I don’t know, I have never suffered.”
Eugenia laughed. “How could you not suffer? Have you never been hungry? Have you never flown arduously against the wind?”
Oberon said, “I see what you mean. I actually have suffered, but mostly I am conscious of others’ suffering.”
Eugenia smiled. “To be conscious of others’ suffering is to know compassion. It is in our love for others that we get to know ourselves. In a moment I will disappear. You will learn from suffering those lessons only your soul can teach you.”
“Wait!” said Oberon, but Eugenia disappeared. Oberon was lost in the desert of a city where few plants grew. He knew he could sense north so he followed the heartbeat of the earth deep through the city. For mile after empty mile there was no food. Soon Oberon was too tired to fly and sat on a windowsill. His hunger was enormous. He did not know what his fate would be.
Oberon prayed to God. Please give me strength. I know I should be learning, but I can’t see what I am to learn from such a dire circumstance. My death will only prove that suffering surmounts all things.
As Oberon was in mid-prayer, a small human girl trapped him in a jar. The girl shook the jar to make Oberon fly but he was too tired for that. He did not know whether his circumstances had improved or not. He gulped and expected his end.
Then Oberon noticed that the small human girl had no right leg. She hopped around on the only leg she had. She must have known and still knows great suffering, he thought.
Oberon took wing in the jar. The little girl’s face lit up with joy. The girl hopped up the stairs and into the house with the butterfly jar. She showed the jar to her mother. Her mother looked and said, “That butterfly is hungry.” She clipped a flower from her indoor plants and the little girl put the flower in the jar. Oberon’s prayer was answered. He drank from the flower. Strength came back to him.
Oberon began to realize that it is important to depend on others for compassion. I depended on the humans and the little girl depended on me. When we suffer we are completely dependant on others and their ability to understand our suffering. We must never be ashamed of our dependence. You depend on others so that others might depend on you someday.
The little girl and her parents took their car and went out into the country. There the little girl released the butterfly from the jar. Oberon was free and he fluttered on the wind. Suffering, he realized, is only a moment; it fades at the margins but the memory lingers. We are not slaves to suffering—we were born for joy, after all—but suffering is inevitable.
At that moment Eugenia appeared. “In the midst of your suffering you found that your compassion for the little girl swept away all of your own hardship. What you gave took away your own suffering. It is in our love for others that the end to all suffering exists. Better than a prayer is to give compassion. It is only love that can lead into the sanctuary of heaven.” Eugenia disappeared and Oberon did not see her again in this life.
In his last day Oberon sat on a leaf watching the sunrise. “I saw my own suffering and salvation. I saw love overcome all things. All that I experienced was in God’s prism. But what am I? Am I something special? Or am I a monster?” With that last question the butterfly died.
Born again in midsummer, Oberon went through his phases from egg to caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. He remembered the last question he had asked before his death: Who was he, a lowly caterpillar or something special, a glorious butterfly?
Eugenia suddenly appeared next to him. “You do not know whether you are special or a monster, but it is all ego.”
Oberon thought a moment. “It is ego to be a lowly caterpillar?”
“Yes, Oberon, it is all ego. You consider the caterpillar lowly because you think you are greater. You must not be great or lowly. You must be nothing. Nothing is the absence of something. Any something you are is an act of egoism. You must be absent of ego. Embrace the no-self, the nothing. In nothing is a vast emptiness. We cannot measure the emptiness but when we become nothing we become part of it. When you embrace nothingness, God will fill the emptiness and move wheresoever you move.” Eugenia looked up at the cerulean blue sky. “Above is the sun, Oberon. Follow me and we will fly to it.”
Higher and higher they went. But soon Oberon was exhausted. He looked at the sun and felt its warm rays on his face. Oberon stopped. “I cannot fly to the sun.”
Eugenia nudged Oberon. “Try harder.”
Oberon tried harder but still he could not reach the sun. Eugenia flew next to him. “What does it mean?” asked Oberon.
Eugenia replied, “It means no butterfly can reach the sun. Are you any less for not reaching your goal?”
Oberon looked at Eugenia. “I am disappointed I did not reach my goal, but I guess I am neither less nor more.”
Eugenia smiled. “Though you thought your ego would be boosted, it was not affected in any way. When ego is unaffected you are in no-self, embracing the emptiness. You must not make attempts to gratify your ego or let failures diminish your ego. You must be absent of ego. This strengthens your soul and God will be with you. What are you, Oberon?”
Oberon smiled. “I am nothing, I am no-self, I am emptiness.”
Eugenia disappeared, and Oberon continued north with all the other monarch butterflies. He lived a full life for the next six weeks, until the day came for him to die again. The dawn fired its first arrow of light. Oberon sat on a leaf. He realized all at once that death was egoless. As he thought that, he died.
He had only one purpose when he was an egg and that was to become a caterpillar. As a caterpillar he had only one purpose, to become a chrysalis. He had only one purpose as a chrysalis and that was to become a butterfly. As he contemplated these thoughts, Eugenia appeared. “You are wondering what your purpose is.”
Oberon looked at Eugenia. “All things have a purpose. What is mine? Life without purpose is futile.”
Eugenia smiled. “You will know your purpose in time. God will lead you to your purpose as surely as the sun will dawn tomorrow. You will know your purpose not from the choice of ego but from the currents of circumstance. Things done to fulfill the ego eat away at your spirit. Your soul wanes like the dying moon.”
The monarch butterflies went as far north as they would go. In the fall air the fourth generation began to die. Oberon sat on a leaf contemplating the dawn as he had done so many times before. Eugenia appeared beside him.
“Oberon, I have something to tell you. All these lives you have remembered and the lessons you’ve learned culminate with your next life. All we have done was meant to bring you to this point. In your next life you will live many times your current lifespan. You will be compelled to go south to the sacred ground almost a thousand miles away. But the sacred ground has been destroyed. Where your sacred ground once stood is now a human garbage dump. Without the sacred ground the monarch butterfly will become extinct in this part of the world. You can help us by leading the monarch butterfly to a new sacred ground. But we cannot compel you to do it.”
Oberon looked at Eugenia. “God chose this purpose for me?” Oberon sighed. “There is a reason for my existence.” He felt the darkness overwhelm him. The dawn opened like a flower. Like a stream his life flowed from his body. The cold touch of death claimed another butterfly.
Through every life Oberon had learned a lesson. First transience, then suffering, followed by no-self, then purpose. He wondered what lesson his fifth life would teach. When Oberon had reached the phase of a butterfly Eugenia appeared to him. She told him he had only one more lesson to learn.
“Can you make yourself worthy of the universe?” she asked him. “We are all judged by God. Not for the reasons we may think. God wants to better the universe. You have to ask yourself, how does my existence better the universe? Oberon, you have been given a special gift, to learn lessons in each life and remember and carry forward what you have learned. We have imbued you with the virtue of the universe.”
Eugenia disappeared, and Oberon went about his task. He began by telling monarch butterflies that their sacred ground was gone and that they needed to follow him to a new one. They simply ignored him and continued on the path that beat in their hearts. Finally Oberon was compelled to tell them what Eugenia had told him. They all could sense Eugenia in their soul, for she was the mother of all the monarchs. But they knew she died long ago, and to claim to have seen her was insanity.
The more Oberon argued the less they listened. He could not make them see that they were headed for disaster. But Oberon would not give up. He kept trying to convince the monarch butterflies that their sacred ground did not exist. They traveled for a thousand miles and Oberon was still no closer to convincing them. Finally the migrating host of butterflies asked Oberon to leave. They told him he would not be allowed to share the sacred ground. He would be a wanderer without a home.
Reluctantly Oberon went his own way. His plan was to go to the garbage dump that was the former sacred ground before the entire host of butterflies got there. Once they realized he was right he could lead them to the new sacred ground. But as Oberon traveled, the wind began to pick up from the west and blew him off course. He knew that if he did not make it to the garbage dump before the host, chaos would ensue and the monarch butterflies could become extinct.
God, through the evolutionary engine, determines what species will live or die. Adaptation in this case was on the shoulders of one butterfly alone. Oberon knew he could not fail. He was determined to use all his strength to get to the garbage dump. Then the wind began to blow against him. He kept losing ground even as he went forward. The suffering he endured was tremendous. He thought his wings would be torn asunder. It began to rain and the water made his wings heavy. But Oberon fluttered forward.
At last, after many days of suffering, he reached his destination. The monarch butterflies were just starting to arrive. They were fluttering about chaotically, confused. Oberon got their attention. He told them again that there was another sacred ground.
“Hear me! Change is the foremost part of the universe. You must not fear change. You must flow with change. Did you not change from egg to caterpillar, from caterpillar to chrysalis, from chrysalis to butterfly? This will be just another change.”
Oberon waited for each butterfly to arrive at the garbage dump. With great compassion he filled their souls with strength. Then, when the entire host had arrived, Oberon led them to the new sacred ground. The monarch butterfly had been saved.
Months more passed and Oberon was reaching the end of his life. Eugenia appeared. She said, “This is your last life. You have done well. There is no more to be said.”
Oberon sat on a leaf. The eye of dawn opened to a new day. Everything was quiet and still. The darkness began to swallow him. “I have learned so much and I have seen so many tomorrows. This is the last instant. My bravest moment, my last change. I will never be again. Everything fades. The last dawn. How warm the sun.”
The great butterfly met his end as the sky opened and beams of light poured onto the spot where his lifeless body lay. But was it the end?
“I bring the good news of endless tomorrows,” Eugenia said. “You have the universe’s attention. You have broken your cycle of lives. God has asked you to join the host of angels. You will teach what you have learned. You have been judged worthy. Now you may join God in the core of the universe and exist without limits. Now you know life is only a veil. Once you have looked through, you discover that God was all there ever was.”