They said no. What do you do now? ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each “quickie” bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness.?

A few years ago I got an out-of-the-blue call from a well-known global tech company. They asked if I’d like to interview to be — are you ready for this?? — their global spokesperson!?

I was so excited and flattered. I prepped like mad and went to New York City for the in-person interview. I thought it went really well.

A few weeks later I got one of those emails: “Stay in touch – but we’re going to pass.”?

Ouch! That stung. And yes, I spent some time licking my wounds. But a week later, I decided to take them at their word to stay in touch.?

I pitched them an idea for a different collaboration: co-producing a study on professionals’ self-advocacy habits, timed with the launch of my book, Pushback.?

They agreed!

The result of our partnership was a co-designed, worldwide survey, which garnered exciting results and lots of media interest. They even engaged a major PR firm and made me the spokesperson of the study!

I’ll never forget what I learned from this experience: “No” doesn't have to be the end of the story.?

Quick Confidence Tips to Turn Around a “No”:

1. Embodied: Create pockets of silence in high-stakes conversations. Ask clearly for what you want, then wait seven seconds to let your request sink in and to show that you stand behind it. Another key moment to be silent is right after you hear the other side’s answer. Your poised silence will usually prompt your counterpart to explain their reasoning, or even back out of their position and offer a totally new response. Using silence in these moments is safe and smart. It can buy you time to gather your thoughts and prevent you from agreeing to something you hate. And I promise, it doesn’t look as strange as you might think! When you’re silent, you come across as engaged – like you’re considering or deliberating on a point. What a great way to stand firm in your power.
2. Interpersonal: Avoid “I think, I believe, I suppose, I suggest, I guess.” These mitigators weaken your position when trying to change someone's mind. Instead, negotiate using strong, confident statements like "I recommend, I propose, I disagree, and I advise." You can further fine-tune your speaking style by cutting filler words like “like” and “sort of.” These small tweaks prompt people to take you more seriously. By speaking in clear, audible tones and using confident terms, you’ll show that you are an authoritative expert.
3. Mindset: Remember this: “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.” You’ve probably heard the mantra “If it’s meant to be...it's meant to be.” I prefer ending the sentiment with it’s up to me, because it gives you agency! You are the number one agent of change in your career and life. You are the Chief Negotiation Officer of your title, your role, and your advancement. You decide if NO is the end of the story or not. Claim that up-for-grabs power that’s sitting on the table next time you hear NO — it’s waiting for you!

Think about a “no” that you’ve received. Did you follow-up with a counter-offer? Do you wish you had? Let me know in the comments!

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