The house that solves problems you didn’t know you had.
- Four bedrooms, each with an ensuite bathroom. Because nothing builds confidence like knowing every room is a judgment-free zone...except the mirrors.
- Six and a half bathrooms. I wanted enough bathrooms so no one could ever tell me I’m “full of it.” Now I have enough to spread it around.
- 3100 square feet of open-format living. Open floor plans are great for entertaining—or for pacing nervously while convincing yourself you’re doing just fine.
- A skylight that floods the living room with natural light. I always thought I needed therapy to feel enlightened. Turns out, I just needed a skylight.
- A fireplace for cozy nights. They say to burn your insecurities. I started with my high school yearbook and just kept going.
- A chef’s kitchen with high-end appliances. Finally, a kitchen where the fridge doesn’t judge me for eating cereal out of the box...again.
- A finished basement. Great for storing holiday decorations, hosting poker nights, or quietly wondering if the Wi-Fi is better down there.
- A heated pool with bluestone patio. They say you can’t buy happiness, but this pool is pretty close. It even comes with a heater, because sometimes happiness gets cold.
- Half an acre of park-like property. It’s so peaceful, even the squirrels seem to be living their best lives. I asked one for career advice the other day.
- Walking distance to Round Pond and Sag Harbor Village. Perfect for casual strolls when I’m feeling existential and need a sign from the universe. Spoiler: The sign is usually “For Sale.”
- Low annual taxes ($5,500). They said nothing is certain but death and taxes. I can’t control the first one, but at least these taxes won’t kill me.
- Developer pays buyer’s broker. It’s nice to know someone’s got your back...even if it’s the developer’s accountant.
$3 million to buy a house that takes care of you emotionally, financially, and socially. Come for the luxury. Stay for the endless reassurance. Or just sit by the pool and let the water do the talking.
Click here for more details: www.hamptonsestate.com
