Safety and Stability are for Suckers

You've seen this post before. Maybe not the exact same post, but the message. And it was probably written by someone much more prominent, with many more followers. But will this be the post that forces you to create the change that's needed in your own life? 2016 was rough... in a distinctly unique way, and it felt that way for a great swath of society; some of us were dealt repeated direct blows. Some of us were dealt blows not to our own families, but to our idols and creative visionaries who inspire us. What happened in 2016 is not unique to those twelve months. War, addiction, polarizing politics, and hate filled terrorism--these are things that will continue in 2017 and beyond, and some would say might get worse.

Be careful with what you fill your days with...

My father in law attends at least one funeral a week. Not because he enjoys it, but because he has to, out of respect. He's an executive director of a community organization with a large network of constituents. It's almost routine for him, but for those of us who had to say goodbye to those we love it should bring up some sobering questions: how will you continue to fill your days? Will you fill your time doing what you love? For my father in law, attending the funerals has become part of his job.

We all have to make money, but at some point the sheer value of money begins to decrease while the other major life currency increases dramatically: TIME. In some ways, it's like inflation. The rate of inflation impacts time in a very similar manner as to how it impacts money. Instead of an increase in prices, we see an increase of issues related to health, and instead of a decrease in purchasing power, we see a decrease in the ability to experience life in the way we'd like to. Basically, life is short, and experiences have always been undervalued. There's a much needed shift toward experiences.

Back to my father-in-law and his weekly funerals. The departed won't be offended if you skip their funeral. Sure, everyone has to pay their respects, but when formality meets a routine it loses it's power. It becomes less special. I bet if you filled your day with some things that made that person happy while they were on Earth, documented it with a pic, and sent a special note to those left behind they'd appreciate it much more than you going through the motions.

Your money is worthless, especially when you can't spend it...

My friend flew from California to Australia to help his parents move to the United States. Over the course of two weeks, they packed up and sold many of their belongings. It was emotional for the entire family. They were packing up the only home he knew throughout his entire childhood. The days were riddled with anxiety and stress. Fights over what to sell, and what to keep. How much to charge for what, and the list is endless. On the final day, as they slept in an empty house with a 'sold' Post-It note affixed to their beds and mattresses, my friend's mom awoke at 3AM in a cold sweat.

"The dresser. Where is the dresser?!"

"What is it?" Her husband moaned. And then the wails and screams started, which startled my friend from his slumber.

"The dresser. It's gone.”

“What is it about the dresser, Mom?"

"The money. The jewelry. It's all gone. I had it hidden in the dresser. All of our money. It's gone..."

You see, my friend's Mom held a secret. She had stashed a ton of cash away throughout her days. For over three decades. Her husband knew she hoarded cash but he never quite knew the figure. He knew at some point it was significant. Everyone, including the neighbors knew at 3AM on that last Australian spring night how significant it really was. The entire stash (including the jewels) was at an estimated value north of $300K. Her entire life savings. The amount they'd intended to live off of in the U.S., to be close to their son, their only child, and enjoy their golden years. Without being mindful of what was going on in the moments leading up to the move, she failed to mention that the dresser held a secret drawer. And when the movers came to haul things away, some of the items were marked as junk. Including the $300K dresser.  

My wife teaches mindfulness

My wife is a psychologist and runs a treatment facility. Her specialty is a specific type of therapy known as DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy). One of its core components is mindfulness, something we hear about a lot these days. But what is it really? How do you practice mindfulness? What can mindfulness do for you? This post isn't about me teaching you mindfulness. That's a lifelong endeavor and daily practice you must commit to. But I know that being anxious, and constantly worrying about what's to come is the opposite of being mindful. I also know that if you focus on the past, and worry about what's to come you're missing the opportunity to live today, in the here and now. You know, the stuff life is made of. Every moment you create today dictates what tomorrow looks like. I'm really no expert in any of this but it's kind of simple when you sit down and think about what you often think about. Sorry to get all meta, but that's really all there is to my knowledge of mindfulness.

A famous TV character once said, "My life only goes in one direction: forward"  

My friend's mom spent so many of her days preparing for her future, and when it finally arrived she accidentally threw it all away. And now, she can't' get over it. She can't bear to move forward with her new life in America. She's hypnotized herself into thinking that the rest of her days need to be focused on one mistake. The amount of stress, anxiety and depression over this one stupid mistake is causing real health problems. It's such bullshit.

How did we screw up such a good thing?

From the beginning of our days as children almost all of our time was designed for fun. Especially when we, as kids, were in charge. And each one of those fun-filled days was fueled by mindfulness. Focus, intent and everything else needed to accomplish something was effortless. Why was it so easy? What went wrong? What have we all done to society to make it all so hard? Why must fun take such a backseat to everything else in adulthood? Everything we value can be rooted in fun. Our family: childhood memories of fun. Our significant other: amazing moments spent together creating fun. Our calling: when our career no longer becomes a job but instead is filled with mindful moments when we're in a zone, and lose a sense of time; that sounds like fun to me.

Safety and security are for suckers

Remember the title of this article? It's about to come full circle. But, back to my friend for a bit, whose mom threw away her life savings before moving to the U.S. to spend her golden years with her only child. Well, let's give my friend a name--just because. George. George's life is pretty hectic. He runs his own consulting company. During the last few months his life's been insane. In some ways insanely good (signing several marquee clients), but in others just plain stressful (e.g. packing up his childhood home). On a recent trip to Miami, for a client visit--just before flying down to help his parents move--George wines and dines his client, like any high-end consultant should.

After dinner, huddled under a valet's umbrella to take shelter from the rain, they parted ways as George summoned his Uber... at the last second, George invited his client to join him in his Uber, and urged him to jump in the front seat. As they drove along the highway, George positioned himself in the middle, still in the backseat; like a gregarious child he entertained both the driver and his client with a fun story. When the screeching sound pierced through all the laughter, the car directly in front of them came to a grinding halt to avoid another vehicle that launched over the center divider via opposing traffic. Like the accident phenomenon dictates, everything slowed down, and as his life flashed before him he saw his mother's sad face. George realized he didn't have his seat belt on. The end was surely nigh. The Uber driver's elbows locked, his white-nuckled grip positioned at '10 and 2' on the steering wheel. George's client shut his eyes, and turned his face avoiding the imminent horror. The Uber driver narrowly avoided the vehicle stopped before them, but the crunching sound of a truck rear-ending them at more than 50 mph was heard. Steel and metal contorted and shredded like a can of tuna being ripped open. The airbags deployed, and like two double-fisted Mike Tyson blows, George's client and Uber driver were punched to safety. After the dust settled, like it always does, George opened his eyes to see he was safely nestled in the center console. He looked back to see that a giant metal shard--a disfigured torn segment of the car--had impaled the rear windshield and rear headrest, exactly where George would have been sitting, safely secured and fastened had he been wearing his seatbelt. He would have been decapitated upon impact.  

Where do we go from here?

I'm not telling you to abandon your instincts. I'm not telling you to blow your money. I'm not telling you to ignore your surroundings and get catapulted off a playground by a brutal dropkick from a kid swinging wildly off a swing set. I'm not telling you to be careless, and die while leaving behind a good looking corpse.

I'm telling you that we've all been programmed to be overly cautious. We've lost any measure of being true to ourselves by seeking comfort and complacency. I'm telling you to embrace fear. Allow yourself to be panicked. Put yourself up against a wall. It's times like that which force all of us to be creative and resourceful.

I have financial trauma...

According to my wife, I say all these these things, but I can't bring myself to do any of them because I have 'financial trauma'. And because of my 'financial trauma' I have been an incredibly diligent saver. I can probably write a series of articles on how to put money away for the future (and no, I wouldn't recommend hiding it in your dresser). Because of my 'financial trauma' I never really fully committed to doing any one of my creative endeavors. I always did them on the side. Whether it was screenwriting, or a business idea, or any creative pursuit (t-shirt designs, short films, funny YouTube accounts) it was always done on the side away from my full-time jobs in tech. All of my safe decisions were due to my financial trauma, and until now I never believed it to be real. Through my family's entrepreneurial roots, I witnessed a lot of ups and downs. And when things went down, a couple of times, they went crashing down, to the point that I declared that those failures would never happen to me. And so I took the route of safety and stability.  

But, times have changed...

I'm getting older now, and more than ever I want to make my dreams come true. The only way to do that is to get over my financial trauma; to get up and try to execute the ideas which I hold so closely, the same ideas that keep me up at night. And when things don't work out, I won't quit, even when I fall. So, follow me into 2017 with the hashtag #SafetyIsForSuckers as I try to finally bring myself to do the things that scare the shit out of me, such as:

• Starting a business
• Write and produce a feature film
• Write a book
• Start drawing again

Until then, let's all try not to get impaled by a metal shard.

--

Steve Tate is an entrepreneur and writer. He's also an award-wining screenwriter that you've never heard of (writes under Steven Thadeus); he's hoping to change that last part. Steve's working on his first book. He lives in Downtown L.A. with his wife, and their dog, Tabitha.