Safe Havens
Glass Ceiling in the Vatican Museum - Rome, Italy

Safe Havens

Take a look around. Are you surrounded by people who see and hear you?

These meditations are inspired by a recent conversation with Fredrik ?str?m , and an insightful article by Gary Burnison , Changing the Conversation .

More Blue Skies than Gray Clouds

There is a universal principle that applies to nature, as well as human behavior, known as the fractal principle. Fractals are referred to as the fingerprint of life . They are the basic building blocks of nature’s patterns, including human nature, from clouds, trees, mountains to our brains, blood vessels, and behaviors.

The fractal principle in human behavior can be understood as: "how you do anything is how you do everything."

The degree of intention, awareness, and care in how we do anything at work, in our communities or in the privacy of our homes, always matters.

Being present is a personal choice, the result of self-awareness and interrogation, that we constantly have to negotiate in terms of how we behave and show up.

Two examples many of us experience on our growth journeys.

As a person in charge - say, a people manager or group leader, and as a family member - a parent, brother or sister, one always has the power to either spend time together with an employee or another family member consciously tuning into that moment, that person, that story, really being present, or - and here is where being present turns into being stuck in one's head, an illusion - appear to be tuning into that moment, that person, that story, while in reality checking emails on the side - under another illusion: multi-tasking, or taking a seat in our very own inner cinema of thoughts, scenarios, and assumptions, directing plots and narratives to drive potentially desired outcomes of our making.

Each action triggers consequences.

Everything, every new breath, every new chapter, role, context, is a chance to continue to recalibrate in order to do and be our best. In order to heal and serve.

In nature, fractals repeat patterns at increasingly fine magnifications in a variety of contexts.

Behavioral fractals are no different. They define who we are in our different roles and identities - as managers, leaders, parents, brothers, sisters or friends.

In the context of overwhelming change, take a pause to notice the behavioral fractals in yourself and the people you interact with.

I am writing this article with this intention in mind, as a pause to reflect.

I am also writing this article in order to recalibrate and process a long stream of sudden changes and disruptions that have recently stretched my ability to manage change in various aspects of life, while staying true to myself.

At such turning points, I have found what many of us discover again and again.

A good word from a friend, an inspiring thought, a virtual hug that goes beyond the screen, the trust that people I have worked with never cease to invest in me over time, in spite of context changes, the love of my family, hope, faith all create safe havens for my authentic self.

Fractals of love, safe havens are places where I feel seen, heard, and appreciated for who I am.

My commitment in life as a friend, colleague, and partner is to create safe havens in every role I play.

When I fall short or fail, I push the limits of my introspection and seek wise counsel, in an attempt to deepen my awareness of personal behavioral fractals, mindset and heartset, open to change.

When others fall short or fail, bringing on consequences that impact lives... Well, while there are no guarantees of success*, I put my best foot forward, seek allies who may have been hit as well, roll up my sleeves, and start rebuilding broken walls, the trust that cracked, regain sight of the harmony, true spirit, and connection that never go away, just like the blue sky is always there, even when we can only see the clouds and the rain.

Safe havens break glass ceilings. Safe havens heal.

Be that for someone else. Be that for yourself.

More Glimmers than Triggers

Any transformative experience reminds us to reconnect with what grounds us.

"Grounding essentially means bringing the focus back to our physical experiences rather than remaining at the mercy of our racing and self-doubting minds."

Source: Positive Psychology

Turning glimmers into a personal KPI (key performance indicator) is the best way to ground us by strengthening our inner safe haven.

Amy Cuddy recently shared in a heart-warming post that I invite you to read:

“A glimmer is the exact opposite of a trigger—it is some kind of cue, either internal or external that brings one back to a sense of joy or safety. This can be anything from catching a view of the skyline of your favorite city to seeing a picture of your pet."

What if we made it our goal to increase our glimmer-to-trigger ratio on a daily basis? Lean into what brings us and others joy, use glimmers as a conduit to flow, to doing our best work, to improving our relationships, uplifting our culture and each other?

"Like micro-moments of love, glimmers require us to NOTICE those small moments when we feel a surge of joy combined with peace. A sense of internal and external connection. And they are ALL around us."

Researchers like Rob Cross have spent decades studying collaborative practices - what we do to bring out the best in ourselves and each other, and why we fail. He shared how often undetected minor stresses can add up to epic fails on McKinsey's Author Talks series earlier this month.

"Microstress is different than conventional forms of stress , where we think of large things that are hitting us, or antagonistic relationships. The reality is that microstress can actually come at us and often does through the people we love and care about.

The impact of microstress is further amplified by today's "always on" culture, and the fact that our collaborative footprint has shot up by more than 50 percent.

In the space of just a few hours, even minutes, we can be hit with 20, 30, or more rounds of microstresses.

We often do not even register these microstresses as such. They slip below our awareness threshold. In spite of that, our bodies inevitably absorb them, with lots of negative consequences. Unaware, we push through.

We also often miss identifying our triggers before reacting.

"Reflect, not react" is often a self-imposed script we need to run in our minds within the space of microseconds so that we choose wisdom over what may feel like instantly gratifying knee-jerk reactions.

As for intentionally collecting glimmers or joy, oh yes, here we could use more practice.

Knowing that glimmers are an antidote to the negative impact of triggers and microstress, we could expand our understanding of what brings on a glimmer and why, what triggers us and why, what stresses us and how we trigger and stress others.

An important consequence of increased awareness is behavior recalibration. Being aware of both the joyful upbeat and the heart-sinking downbeat will help us refine our behavior fractals to recalibrate based on real, not imagined or wrongfully assumed, input.

As an exercise in awareness, take a look around.

Can you find joy in what surrounds you?

A lesson that I would like to share with my peers, my teams, my family and friends is:

Your glimmer is likely to trigger glimmers in someone else, who can trigger glimmers in someone else, and so on.

This formula shapes the net-positive emotional landscape of our safe havens.

That is how we extend safe havens to each other, we see each other for who we are and we are seen, we listen and we are heard. We can read and trust each other. And then building anything we put our minds to, can begin.

Isn't this beautiful?

Just imagine what our world, our teams, our families could be in this glimmer-based scenario... Science fiction or reality? You actions will decide.

Sunset in Krakow, Poland

*With a little help from AI, we find that chaos and fractal theories are paradoxically related .

Fractals are self-similar shapes that repeat themselves at different scales. They can be found in nature, such as snowflakes, ferns, and coastlines, as well as in human-made structures, such as architecture, art, and music. Chaos theory studies how small changes in initial conditions can lead to unpredictable and large-scale outcomes. It explains why weather, traffic, and stock markets are so hard to forecast accurately. Both fractals and chaos show that order and disorder are not mutually exclusive, but rather coexist in a dynamic balance.

Visual Examples

Safe Haven Snapshots: A Tale of Two Cities

Stormy Krakow in color
Stormy Krakow in black & white

Leadership Example: Not Safe? Do Not Dive

Dive Deep - Digital Art by Neerav Vijas

In Neerav Vyas 's words, Dive Deep stands for "leaders who operate at all levels, stay connected to the details, audit frequently, and are skeptical when metrics and anecdotes differ. No task is beneath them. They do not ask their teams to dive where they would not."


Richard Santos Lalleman

Head of Learning, Innovation & Quality at Innovisor / Facilitator of the Organizational Network Club

1 年

Alina Beckles ... and then it's time to tear down the walls to truly build an inclusive workplace (because the ceiling is not only limiting us to grow and flourish). Like in this case study: https://www.innovisor.com/2018/10/23/diversity-inclusion-you-broke-the-glass-ceiling-now-its-time-to-tear-down-the-walls/

Alina Beckles

Global Talent, Learning & Development Leader

1 年

"We all have fuses others can easily ignite. Use curiosity to lengthen your fuse for anger. Use compassion to shorten your fuse for kindness." Curious/furious, glimmers/triggers and overall awareness, regardless of the choice: https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/danielpink_smart-advice-from-suneel-guptas-new-book-activity-7104875890588688386-aOXu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android

Alina Beckles

Global Talent, Learning & Development Leader

1 年
JANANI D'SILVA

Keynote Speaker. Head of Future Of Work APAC/ME Capgemini ?? HR Manager of the Year 2024 Australian HR Awards ?? AU Gender Equity Awards Finalist 2023 ?? AU LGBTQ Ally of the Year 2022?? Ex-Early Careers + Tech Delivery

1 年

Simply gorgeous!

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