Sad Dads, Imposter Syndrome and Mindfulness.

I have struggled with what to write this month, the weather has been objectively terrible, difficult to get out there when it’s windy enough to blow you onto a frozen river. This has left me inside much more than I like, and much less jolly than I would also like to be. This has led to writer’s block and a lack of inspiration. So, I have decided to share a little about me, my head and what I do to tackle it.

Sad Dads

Music has always been central in my life. If I am not talking to someone there is a very high likelihood that I will be listening to music. At the start of 2022, someone wrote a blog entitled ‘What your favourite sad dad band says about you.” This was the first time I heard the phrase, but that blog post included all my favourite bands.

My absolute all time favourite band is The National. They are very sad, and I think the majority are also dads. One of the lines in their song Mistaken for Strangers has the line ‘the un-magnificent lives of adults’. This has always meant a lot to me. It has helped me accept that it is totally fine to be just okay. Teenage Me would look at lot of my life and say it was boring and extremely un-magnificent. I am okay with it, but this is a relatively new feeling for me.

Imposter Syndrome

The little chap who sits in our heads telling us that we shouldn’t be here, we don’t know what we are doing, and we should just give up. I don’t think I know anyone (who didn’t go to an expensive school) who hasn’t had this. Most of us question what we are doing, and those little nagging doubts are damaging to our health and progress.

At the end of 2023 as the clock ticked over to two years of working at TPP, and I think I finally felt settled and for the first time felt imposter syndrome drift away. Nothing happened, and I probably should have felt this a little while before. I will always want to learn more, but I now feel like I know what I am doing and have it all under control.

I feel almost like an adult, and at 35 years old, I previously had expected that point to have long passed. I own a toolbox and even have a rudimentary understanding of pensions.

The truth is though, anyone who has met me in person won’t really see the self-doubt and ebbing self-confidence. I think people see me as bold (bald), assured and certainly not lacking in confidence.

At this point I must acknowledge my privilege, I realise that society is built for me, and getting to this point is easier for me than for others. ?However, I must recognise that so many of my day to day achievements aren’t luck; they are a result of effort and choices.

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Mindfulness

I have tried the apps, it doesn’t work for me. I just seem to get annoyed at the people telling me to breathe. That’s fine, I know people who swear by them. Mindfulness for me is basically finding something distracting but easy. This tends to be something like washing or fixing something on my car, but in the winter that is thoroughly miserable (see first sentence about the weather).

I have searched long and hard for something to deliver this low brain power whilst also being warm. I haven’t got any interest in woodwork, and I haven’t the dexterity to build models of WW2 tanks.

In about October last year a Lego obsessed friend of mine bought me a small set. It took me until Christmas to be bored enough to try this, and now I have spent far too much money and even more time building Lego sets I have no interest in looking at. All the joy I have had from these hours dedicated to putting plastic in the right order has come from the concentration and focus it brings.

Don’t follow me

Please don’t think this is the best part of a thousand words telling you I have cracked it and that you should all listen to the saddest music you can and build a hobby out of plastic.

The purpose of this is to share that despite people looking like they really have their life in order it so often isn’t the case. ?As we navigate the challenges of self-doubt, changing seasons, and the pursuit of mindfulness, it's important to embrace the unique strategies that work for us individually. Whether it's through acknowledging personal achievements, or finding unexpected hobbies, our journeys are ongoing.

The stuff I have to include to make all this ranting and writing worthwhile:

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