Sabotaging Your Own Success? Time to Break the Cycle!

Humans are quite peculiar. We often adopt beliefs or engage in behaviors that seem beneficial in the short term, only to find they obstruct the lives we truly desire or the people we aspire to be.

Let me share a story about my friend, Alex. During a dinner one evening, he confided in his mentor and me about a management position he had long coveted. The role promised stimulating challenges, opportunities for skill development, exciting travel, and remarkable flexibility. It was, in his words, “a dream come true.”

Yet, Alex proceeded to list numerous reasons for not pursuing the job. He was terrible at interviews, never having received the coaching that many candidates get nowadays. He was self-conscious about his appearance, thinking it would leave a poor impression. Additionally, given the economic downturn, he believed many more qualified candidates would apply. He was convinced he’d excel in the role if he could just get past the interview, but all things considered, he “knew” he didn’t stand a chance.

“So I never applied,” he admitted. “Instead, I forwarded the job posting to a colleague and encouraged her to apply.” He paused. “She got the job.”

How was it that this intelligent, hardworking, and kind young man had such a knack for self-sabotage?

There are many bright, even talented, individuals like Alex. They are united by a behavior psychologists call “self-handicapping,” which involves anticipating a real or imagined obstacle that might hinder success and using that obstacle as an excuse.

Self-handicapping allows us to shield ourselves from the pain of taking responsibility for our failures, and it’s a common behavior. In a pioneering 1978 study, psychologists Berglas and Jones found that participants who “succeeded” at a test (which was actually based on luck) were more likely to choose to take a performance-inhibiting drug before taking a second test. Essentially, they set themselves up for failure on the second attempt. By doing this, they could blame their poor performance on the drug and preserve their earlier sense of success.

In a more recent set of experiments by psychologist Sean McCrea at the University of Konstanz in Germany, participants were asked to take several intelligence tests under various conditions. The research showed that people who were encouraged to make excuses for their poor performance — such as blaming it on loud noises — maintained high self-esteem but were also less motivated to improve.

This kind of behavior is often so subtle and habitual that we don’t notice we’re doing it. Consider the manager who has to give a major presentation but fails to practice beforehand, or people who procrastinate on work projects and then claim they “didn’t have enough time” to do a good job. In a 2010 Harvard Business Review article, Jeffrey Pfeffer identified self-handicapping as one of three significant barriers to building professional power: people avoid the pain of failure by never trying to build power in the first place.

How can you overcome self-handicapping? Here are four steps:

1. Watch for the warning signs. Reducing your efforts, generating lists of excuses, or distracting yourself (with music, alcohol, etc.) are signs that you’re engaging in self-handicapping. While everyone needs breaks and ways to manage energy during the workday, these activities can signal that you are veering towards self-sabotage. A mentor or colleague can often help steer you back on course.

2. Use “what-ifs” and “if-onlys” to set goals instead of excuses. Research shows that the thought processes involved in self-handicapping can be redirected to be motivational. When you ponder what could have gone better or recognize obstacles in your way, you gain valuable insights. Identify factors within your control and determine what you can do about them. Alex, for example, could have addressed his thought “I’m not great in interviews” by researching effective techniques, practicing them, and seeking support from his mentor.

3. Recognize and manage your negative emotions. Research indicates that when we use our “if-onlys” to motivate rather than excuse ourselves, we may experience negative emotions, such as disappointment and self-directed anger. If you can acknowledge these emotions and be compassionate with yourself while working through them, you’re more likely to transition into positive, empowering behavior.

4. Aim for mastery. Self-handicapping is most likely to occur when we aim to perform well to avoid negative feedback from others, such as criticism from colleagues. By focusing instead on developing mastery in an area that matters to you, you tap into your inherent motivation to learn and grow. Identify what is important to you and brainstorm ideas to move in that direction.

Pursuing what you truly want requires considerable courage. Let’s face it, even when you put forth your best effort, things don’t always turn out as you would like. However, by taking risks, you open yourself not only to the possibility of failure but also to the potential for learning, growth, and genuine achievement. It’s up to you to decide which is more perilous: the risk of disappointment or the risk of never realizing your potential.