Running Up Mountains Story & Reflection

Have you ever been isolated during a race? Me neither, until I was. I participated in a small fundraiser weeknight race after work in late May several years back. It was my first (and last) mountain race.

It was a race up "Peak 3" in the Alaska Chugach Range, with the finish line at the top, small medals given out, and a cheering section who had hiked up earlier. I started with a pack of slowish walk/run climbers that eventually all outpaced me.

By the time I summited with the?total elevation gain of 2022 ft, no one was at the top. Nobody. There was?no finish line, medal, or cheering. In fact, the last person down ahead of me snapped the photo above. I didn't know it was possible to simultaneously feel such accomplishment (the fastest I'd ever "hiked" it) and profound disappointment. I considered plopping down, focusing on the view (photo above), and insisting?a helicopter come pick me up. ??

But, I was famished and thought it might?take too long and too much $$ to be rescued since I wasn't actually injured, and eventually, it would be somewhat dark. So I glissaded down a snow chute, evidently missing the turn-off, and felt hopelessly lost and disoriented in the overgrown brush -- likely now below the parking area. That's when I began hearing imaginary bears behind every bush.

So the exhilaration and disappointment at the top turned to isolation and fear. And then it only took 2 unanswered phone calls to friends and family to?pull up some frustration and anger into the mix of emotions. "How dare they leave me alone in the Alaskan wilderness?" I added in some illogical regret - "Why didn't I just radio for help at the top?" I was afraid to keep going down, thinking I was descending deeper into the valley below civilization, too afraid to stay with the imaginary bears in the adjacent bushes, and too exhausted to walk back up to look for the turnoff. Eventually, someone realized I was missing, took a?call, and followed my location pin. They strolled into the brush, eating their post-race treats, and guided me back to the trail (very nearby).

Working with residents at the beginning of the academic year, I can see?many parallels. Well, in a sense - both in new interns and new seniors. They are working?hard, trying to find their groove, connecting with patients, being uncertain, sometimes with almost paralyzing fear. They have people who do not answer their calls and imagine catastrophes behind every patient's door at times. They experience feeling proud and disappointed, overcoming anxieties, wanting to throw in the towel, and being angry all in the same few hours as they reflect.

This is the perfect?time for everyone to be compassionate to others and themselves while making room for all the normal conflicting emotions of the training experience. Normalize that the process and the growth are imperfect and uncomfortable. And remember?the reason for the process - whether it be a fund-raising run or becoming an effective physician to give patients access to quality care.

Reflection: What about this story applies to your current challenges, emotions, plans, and the stories you tell yourself? What do you want to think, be, or do differently because of those realizations? I'd love to hear!

Well, I plan to?be self-compassionate as my race pace is now closer to some people's walking pace after a few injuries last year and a slow reintroduction of running. I will improve again - just like residents continue to grow and make a positive impact. (Also, since I've given up mountain runs, there's much less chance I?get lost on the?Anchorage roads. ??)

Have a joy-filled and compassionate week! Tonya?

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