Running towards my mistakes

Most of us make mistakes most days, but how consistently do we take full ownership of our errors, poor decisions and thoughtlessness? It's not easy to admit you're wrong, but it can be incredibly empowering. Especially if you're a leader.

Growing up, I saw mistakes as a black mark against my name - indelibly linked to the way others viewed me - so acknowledging I had done something wrong was a pretty terrifying experience.

I didn't realise it, because I saw myself as a fairly open person, but this made me really defensive. Whenever anything even resembling criticism was directed my way, my lizard brain would kick in and I would start to unconsciously deflect. I generally thought I wasn't defensive, because I would sit and listen, and try to take on board what was said, but in reality, I was so preoccupied crafting my own victim narrative behind the scenes while the other person was talking, that very little of what was said to me would penetrate, in itself the very opposite of listening or valuing the other person's input.

I later learned the difference between constructively defending yourself when appropriate, versus simply putting up a wall - conscious or unconscious - to deflect any type of criticism that comes your way.

My relationship with my wife has been a huge factor in my personal and professional growth, and she was the first one to really call me out on this behaviour. She's helped me to dispel the type of negative thinking that led to this defensiveness in the first place. She's pushed me to work hard at my self-esteem, and to embrace my mistakes and shortcomings, and learn from these, rather than running away from them.

I still have a lot of work to do but this has been massive for me at home, at the office and in the business my wife and I run together. I do occasionally regress into my old patterns of deflection, and my wife has to bash me over the head with a good ol' dose of perspective when this happens, but I'm no longer scared by the concept of making mistakes. In fact, if anything, I'm excited by the opportunity to take real ownership of my shortcomings, and to speak openly about these, because I know this will lead to tremendous personal and professional growth.

As a leader, this has been hugely empowering. This awakening to my own patterns of behaviour has given me such valuable perspective and has made me view workplace disagreement, misalignment and conflict entirely differently. I often think back to how I responded to situations in the past, or the guidance I gave during those moments, and my outlook is so different now. I feel I can add so much more value to others during difficult moments than I was previously able to, and that I can make improvements in myself much faster than before. Every misstep is an opportunity for growth, for learning, for bettering myself and my perspective.

Acknowledging my mistakes and deficits, and being open about these, hasn't diminished my value, or negatively affected others' perceptions of me, which is what I feared would happen. In fact, it's done the opposite, and my only regret is that it took me so damn long to get here. Being open about them in particular has taught me the tremendous power of vulnerability and the strength therein. It's given me confidence to demand more of myself and my life, my dreams, my hopes, my viewpoints and my relationships. And more importantly, by modelling in the workplace acceptance of what is, dispelling judgement and creating a safe culture of openness, vulnerability has proven to be an asset every step of the way.

Now I want to make more mistakes* than ever before, and be honest and open about these at all times, because this will mean I'm pushing boundaries, which will accelerate my growth, as well as my team's growth, and rapidly improve how we function, while just making us better people overall.

I don't ever want to be scared of making mistakes again, or shy away from them when I do, and I want my leaders and their teams to have exactly the same security in themselves and their work. 

I wanted to share this with you all, because I know it's something that many of us grapple with, and I think like many things, we don't talk about it as much as we should. Thankfully, in this new era of global accountability and 'doing better', it's no longer so easy to hide behind our errors, ignore our wrongdoings or wish away our mistakes. Now is a good a time as any to admit impediments, and to openly, confidently address them. There's no better way to grow, both personally and professionally, than to be vulnerable and open and honest.

If you've got something similar to share, it would be great to hear your views. And if you'd like to reach out for a chat, I'd love that too. We shouldn't be fearful of our mistakes, and those of us who are leaders need to do whatever we can to empower our people to embrace theirs too. 

It's the only way we'll ever fully realise the massive potential of our teams.

*of low to moderate seriousness; not the kind that cause the wheels to come off entirely!