Running school while doing a day job

Hello other working parents, are you falling apart trying to do everything? Because I am falling apart trying to do everything.

To start with, we have a co-parenting situation. We had kids in prior marriages and share caretaking of three kids with two other households on alternate weeks. I work non-stop and make bread in the first week, and run school and barely keep up with my job in the second week.

Two of our kids routinely arrive for the week with no school whatsoever done from the prior week. One of them will be fine, but the other has learning differences, is academically behind, and is starting middle school next year. For her, learning is critically important.

It’s hard enough balancing three kids with different teacher and school set-ups. Add to that a kid who is academically at risk, where I feel responsible for setting her up to not fail next year. It is so brutal.

To be clear, the teachers are doing a great job under difficult circumstances. I’m inspired listening in on class meetings. Two of our three kids manage their work mostly successfully and it is a credit to them + to their teachers.

But what it is taking from everyone is ridiculous. The software is terrible. My kids have to look under every nook and cranny on their classroom site to make sure they find all their assignments, even just to know that they are doing the right work.

Maybe someone is seizing the current moment and building better software (if so, tell me!). But no software is going to take the place of in-person school so I know that’s not a realistic expectation.

If they need help with their assignments, even if it’s just for little stuff like printing, that’s a work interruption. Dozens of these every day. We try to get ahead of what they need, but with new assignments coming in through the day, it’s impossible.

Sometimes, and this happens many times a day, they need more substantial help. Maybe there’s an assignment they don’t understand, or math they don’t know how to do, or a game they’re supposed to play with an adult. That takes real time and attention.

All told, my husband and I spend a total of 2-3 hours each helping run school every day, 5-6 hours between us. And that’s with two of our three kids handling most work independently. That doesn’t count making meals, organizing safe time outdoors, and other household stuff.

I have taught kids before and I enjoy it. If I had all day, it would be a blast playing math games with them, designing science experiments, and coming up with art projects. In reality, I am shoving all these things between the narrow gaps in my own meeting schedule.

No, I don’t have all the supplies lying around for a sculpting clay diorama project. I also don’t have time to make the supplies in a scrappy way. I don’t have everything we need for science and art projects.

Days that I am running school as well as working, it is all I can do to attend my required meetings. Once everyone goes to bed for the night, that’s when I can do my additional work. 

None of this takes into account all the emotional work of trying to turn this upside-down situation into something manageable for my kids, who are, after all, kids. There’s a fine line between creating just enough structure for things to make sense and submitting to the chaos.

I’ve found a few strategies for coping. I try to pile more work in to the weeks when my kids are not here. I schedule a lighter meeting load when they are here so I can be more available. I make liberal use of logic puzzle books, crossword making software, and other stuff that feels worthwhile that they can work on independently. I also don’t even bother with the “supplemental” work sent from school — stuff you can do when you finish everything else. If they finish their basic work, and want to spend the rest of the day jumping rope or making movies or whatever, awesome.

I don’t have the answers, but I know that many working parents are going through something similar right now depending on the ages and needs of our kids. Curious what other people are learning and trying.