Running on empty; still going...

I've had so many conversation recently about how people are feeling frazzled; properly and utterly frazzled.

You may recognise the feeling - wired but tired, running but getting nowhere, doing All The Things but feeling like you're achieving sod all? That's not just you being a bit knackered, Doris. That's your brain sending up proper warning flares. And then you whisper to yourself "it's okay, it's nearly Christmas and pile some added pressure on for the perfect Christmas too.

The science bit tells us that burnout has been part of our world for a while. I like to delve into a bit of background, cause and psychology and that tells us that back in that there 70s, Freudenberger spotted something interesting: passionate, high-achieving people were hitting a wall that wasn't just regular tiredness.

The science shows us three distinct signs:

• Proper exhaustion (not that need-another-coffee tired, but totally and utterly drained)
• Cynicism (when you start thinking "what's the bloody point?" Hard relate anyone?)
• Feeling like you're rubbish at everything (despite evidence to the contrary)

And then I realised how often I see these warning lights flickering amongst us always on midlife women - the Fixers. It hits us fixers the hardest.

When your brain is heading towards burnout faster than something very fast, it's the opposite of your brain in flow. When you're in flow, you're smashing it, time flies, you feel unstoppable. In burnout? Time drags like the teenager emptying the dishwasher whilst also watching videos on his phone and everything feels like wading through treacle. And then you get up and go again.

When you're heading towards burnout, you get warnings, the hazard lights come on and then, obviously you ignore it. Because life, leadership, business, someone needs you, the sky needs holding up and there's "just" that thing that needs doing.

The Six Burnout Triggers (Or: Why You're Feeling All Out of Energy)

1. No Control (everyone else's emergency is your emergency)
2. Values Clash (you feel at odds with everything you are doing and then you do some more)
3. Not Enough Reward (all give, no get, not feeding our reward centres in our brain)
4. Too Much Stuff (your to-do list has to-do lists, and for those of you that know me, you will also know that writing to do lists is also not giving your brain a chance to thrive)
5. Unfairness (watching others coast while you carry the load, maybe a little bit of resentment creeping in)
6. Support (trying to be everyone else's lifeboat while silently drowning)

Fixing It (and moving to a desert island will simply mean someone sends in a drone to find you and ask what's for tea)...

Fixing it isn't as simple as a mindset hack from TikTok and there are frankly no quick wins. Fixing it is about acknowledging it and rethinking so that you do differently, to act differently to get differently.

That said I'm a mahoosive fan of them there small steps to lighten the load and I thought given the time of year, given how many people are creaking, that a few of my favourite top steps to change might help the cruising into Christmas so you don't crash and burn into Christmas (I am VERY proud of that alliteration).

Pick of the Pops:

1. Pick Your Energy Choose stuff that lights you up, not just drains you. Your brain actually uses less energy when you're doing things aligned with your natural preferences. Work within your strengths - not looking at fixing perceived weaknesses.
2. Stop Running at 100mph Your brain's energy system isn't designed for constant sprinting. Track your energy (1-10) daily. Consistently hitting 8+ is like the equivalent of using dry shampoo for a week straight - there comes a point where even that can't save you.
3. Sprint the Hills 90-minute focused work blocks with proper breaks. Your brain's natural ultradian rhythm means you can't actually focus for longer anyway. And if 90 minutes feels too long because you're constantly distracted (also another sign) then do 15 minutes and then acnowledge what you have achieved afterwards (reflections on jobs done feed the reward centre)
4. Sort the Triggers Deal with each burnout trigger systematically. Like fixing a leak - no point mopping if you haven't turned off the tap. Unpick it. Break it down.
5. Build Your Recovery System Your brain needs proper quality recovery time - not just Netflix and wine. A walk outside, a chat with your inner circle, asking for help, exercise, actual rest - whatever works for YOUR system.

Here's the reality: Work never ends. It's always going to be there. The better you are, the more comes your way. The more people will ask of you because you're the one that delivers, the more pressure you put on yourself because you're the one that delivers (see also peopel pleasing and perfectionism). It's not about stopping the flood - it's about building better flood defences. It's about working with your brain.

Want to know more about how your brain actually works and how to stop fighting its natural preferences? That's exactly what I cover in Rethinking Your Success...This programme is about how YOU achieve peak performance in midlife in life, leadership and business.

This is about nailing and understanding what your peak performance, your success looks like and then cracking on with going and getting it. And doing it without burnout, without sacrificing yourself on the altar of always on and always achieving, with some humour (because let’s face it, if you’ve got this far; you’ve got to be able to laugh) and with space for all the ranting.

No masks required. The next cohort begins late Jan and my VIP waitlist is open here. If you'd like to have a chat about it or simply just to chew the cud, give me a shout.