Running away or running towards?

As we are nearing the end of 2021 and approaching 2022, I wish everyone a fulfilling life with many joyful moments during the day.?

I invite you to consider an approach to help us make it happen; perhaps you will want to take it into 2022.?My brief message below is followed by an example-case study.

Let's start by admitting that we are not immune to situations that do not meet our expectations. For example, maybe your colleague is not doing something you believe they need to do; your senior leadership or boss is not supporting you the way you think they should; your partner is not keeping their promises; or, your kid is not listening to you.

You get the idea.?

However, my experience shows that we feel stuck when we replay these narratives in our heads or hear them throughout the day as we talk with others... Can you relate??

Focusing on what is not happening can negatively affect our well-being, status, relationships, freedom, and security. It can lower our self-esteem and generate a feeling that these situations are out of our control. We are stuck in a "reaction state" similar to a feeling like we are being chased. All we can do is keep running away.?

I acknowledge there might be an appropriate time and space to have these thoughts and to voice them. Recognizing what is not working is important.?

Yet, in many cases, this is all we do; we stay in this state. We fill our precious time, minds, and hearts with narratives of what is not working for too long and too often. As a result, we rarely pay attention to what we want. This is the most damaging part.?

What opportunities would open up for us if we asked these questions???

• What problem am I (are we) trying to solve??
• What do I (we) actually want?

These questions can - and precise answers to these questions will - transition us from the "reaction state" to the "leader of your life state," making further thoughts, conversations, and actions more productive.?

After putting what we want in front of us (figuratively or literally) - let's stay in the inquiry:?

• What is it that I (we) can control and influence??
• What is it that I (we) can do??

We may be confronted with the realization that many things are out of our control - let's keep inquiring and challenging ourselves to think in the direction of the goal.??

We are the leaders of our lives, and we can engage others to create things together - meaningful, joyful experiences for everyone involved. No, the image in this header of this article is not inviting anyone to achieve something by damaging something else. It is intended to invite us to recognize what's important and move towards that.

Are you willing to try? Are you willing to engage in a vulnerable conversation, say what's important to you, and ask for help?

Journal, think, and talk to people you trust.

I wish everyone a fulfilling life with many joyful moments during your day.?

Here is an actual example:

Photo by Jan Ingemansen on Flickr

Tracey was part of a team working on a major project milestone, and it was approaching soon. Tracey's progress was dependent on John's work. Tracey and John were both committed to the project's success and acknowledged that they were catching up with their work in the evening.

One evening Tracey sent an email to John asking for help. She expected John to respond that evening - knowing John was working. No response. The next day John quickly addressed what was needed; he also talked about working late the evening before. Tracey raised her eyebrows in surprise but did not say anything. The same 'evening' scenario happened a few more times. While Tracey was getting answers and help the following day, she was experiencing some delays. She also was disappointed as she thought John and her were on the same page about the pace of work to meet the milestone. Tracey even questioned John's statements about working in the evenings.?

Tracey started noticing that her focus was distracted because of these thoughts and feelings but could not change anything. The emotions took over her already depleted energy because of the high stress. She was losing productivity even during tasks when she did not need John's help.?

She did not feel like she could bring any of this up to John. Instead, she stayed with her emotions and engaged her friends and family in talking about it.?

A good friend asked Tracey to articulate what was important to her in that situation. Tracey described an ideal evening scenario - getting John's timely help when she needed it. The friend then asked Tracey if she and John had ever aligned these expectations, and Tracey acknowledged that they did not. All this time Tracey assumed that John working in the evening meant he was available to her emails.?

The next day, Tracey invited John for a brief touch base. She genuinely thanked him for a long-time partnership and stated how important it is to get his timely help when she needed it. She also said that it was becoming critical to include evenings in this timeframe.

Photo by?Yasin Ayd?n?from?Pexels

John acknowledged that and also shared that he typically turns off his emails in the evenings to help him focus on the work. Recognizing Tracey's request, he proposed to alert him via text; he promised to give her email his priority - as he did since that dialogue.??

Tracey moved from focusing on what was not happening to articulating what was ideal. She then moved towards that goal by engaging John with what ended-up being a 15 min conversation. It elevated her energy, eliminated hours of frustration, and improved productivity. It taught Tracey something important and created a better experience for many other people around Tracey and John - bringing increased fulfillment and more joy during the day.

Once again, happy new year everyone.