Run off the Stage Screaming

Been doing a lot of articles on mindset etc over the last month, had some funny comments.?

“Nice article about not giving a f*ck”?

“What you flogging”?

“Thanks dude, you should shave your head and do a book”?

“What a load of balls”?

This got me thinking a bit more about mindset and how we are all framing things, and to be honest until recently I hated doing any writing online as I hated people reading it and giving me comments and even those made me sweat, I have always thought my writing was a little weak, which to be honest it is, sure a lot of it is in my head, and being dyslexia cannot help.?

This then brought me back to the point I said about not liking comments, and this really made me thing about why? And this to me was hard to pin down, as I have always been okay standing In front of 100’s of people and talking, never really bothered me, but if you asked me to read something aloud or for someone to read something I have done, this honestly make me have flash backs to when I was a small kid in class and having to read a book this give me cold sweats.?

Then I thought about it again, and tried to understand why, and the why is easy, I do not think I am particularly good at reading aloud and writing, and I was worried to hear what people really thought about it, good or bad.?

So, I drove into this deeper, this is a confidence in myself and myself not thinking I can do it, and this has slowed me down in some things, put me off doing a report or writing so many things, then I was trying to think what I have done over the last four months that has changed that mindset.?

Then it came to me, I give less fu*ks about what people think, I am not saying in any way I care less about what people think or care less about what I am thinking, it is more that I cannot change what they think but I can change the way I think about it and how I react to it.?

So, I know what you are saying “what a load of sh*t, I get the mindset thing, but if I can't write you can't write, caring less does not fix it you fool” and in some ways that is true.?

What I am really saying is, if you give less f*cks you will try and do things anyway, for an example I have started to do more articles, have I magically become a better writer in four months, a little (as done more of it) but to be honest it still takes me a long time to do, I still hate comments about my writing, I have started to give less f*cks so I will have a go.?

I am never going to say I will ever write like Tolkin or JK Rowling, I am not a natural writer, and because I am giving less f*cks I can live with it.?

And when I get the odd comment about my writing will it still get to me, yes, but will it get to me as much as before, no, because I give less a f*cks, if anything I feel sorry for them, as I know to write a big ass comment picking everything out which is wrong or hate will take time (in my case days) I just have better things to do with my time.???

So, let's try and think about something you may not like doing, lets pick, standing in front of people talking as I have helped people with this myself.?

I understand from what people have said to me about it, you feel like the earth will swallow you and you will forget everything, and people will not hear you or not understand what you are on about, and I do get it, as I guess in some way, I feel like that when I write.?

Let us try and re-frame it a little, we will look at this in two ways, first practical or logical mind and second in emotional mind, positive mind set.?

Okay let's get black and white on it, you stand up and you hit the first slide, and nothing happens, I mean absolutely nothing, the thing is dead in the water, so what do you do, run off the stage screaming, I know that would be one option, but would be better to just start to talk about the subject, as I know you will have 90% in your head and if you stumble or miss a bit that’s fine as no one will expect it to be as smooth as before as the system let you down, second option you are going throw your PowerPoint and you notice you are going to quick, the easy way to sort this is to count to three between every block of text, it will slow you down and make you take your time and relax and breath.?

Let’s look at the mind set option, so I want you to think about a PowerPoint or talk you went on four years ago, okay that’s a little hard let's say two years ago, still can't think of any let's think about one 12 months ago, still struggling, so what I am getting to is no one will remember if it went well or bad, I promise you no one will care, so you need to give less f*cks about it in the moment, if you have done your best, got through the slides or talk and taken the time you need, well done you have done a good job, but care less about what people think and give less f*cks about what they are thinking, you will do better than you could ever imagine if you just get it done and care less.?

I know you will be thinking “what in god's name does he know about this as a problem, he is talking from his ass”?

So, I want to tell you my horror story, which was several years ago, I was involved in a pitch meeting, not really involved to much but was involved, so I drove from one meeting to the meet the team just to show my face I was running late around 10min, I arrive and walk in and the guys are back stage flapping, I said “What's up” and the answer which came back was something like “XYC has not turned up and he has the presentation on his laptop and we can't get a copy, all the notes are on his laptop and we are stuffed” after the first two min of me swearing at people as you should always have a backup, I decided to, put one ear peace in and go on stage and try and pitch the deal, with one of the guys pumping info into my ear peace as I had no idea what I was talking about, and I honestly wanted the stage to collapse and swallow me hole, did we get the deal, no, can I even remember the business, to be honest I can't, but I do remember the roof of the meeting room and how hot it was.?

So, why do you really hate doing that thing, and I bet if you really looked hard at it, you will find it is just be down to you caring what people think of you, and I get it, hard not to care, but try not to listen to them and care less, I remember hearing an interviewing with Gary Vee and he spoke about, not listening to the haters, do not give them anytime apart from feeling sorry for them, this is hard, but you can do it, care less about what other people are saying, you will have a closes group of friends and family and in most cases you will care what they think, but in some cases, you also need to not listen to them.?

I can hear you all saying “hold on, you told me not to listen to people and then saying listen to friends and family and then saying not to listen to them, what are you one about” so I have re-written this bit about 30 times to get it all right.?

So, what I am saying is this, as a rule I give less f*cks about what people say, on the other side of the coin I do have some close friends I would listen to, not saying we will always agree but I would listen, and with my family, I would listen and take on some of the points as they all know me well, and I know they would never want me to be hurt, if what you are about to do will not hurt anyone or hurt you and you still want to do it, just do it, but if it does go tits up have the guts to say to your family and friends they had been right, then again if you learn from it, you have not really every lost.?

So to end this little article I want to give you my thoughts, so I want you to start to make a change today, that one thing you hate, have a go at it, only a small thing to start with, if you hate talking in front of people, find a person in your office struck up a chat, if you hate writing, do a small bit of social media content, just start not to worry about what people think and build up to something bigger and give less f*cks about what they are saying, if you are doing your best and growing, stuff them you are doing well and growing.?