Run From Your Problems
Never back down. Stand up to the bully. Prove yourself.
Not always necessary.
What if I told you that it’s okay to run away sometimes? The mere suggestion triggers thoughts of individuals who are soft, weak, or who lack confidence. In many situations, I would argue the opposite.
It seems we feel obligated to respond to any threat by standing even taller than our opponent, be it human or otherwise. Every time someone challenges our opinions, even in the slightest, we enter into a ring in which only one person can emerge victorious. We must battle every challenge and threat to the death, and why? Because we treat every confrontation as though we must be the winner or the loser — as though there is no middle ground.
But there is.
We all have that one friend who will attempt anything in the world once activated by the simplest of challenges; the storied “you won’t do it”. The moment someone utters those words, the game has begun, and only the challenger or the challengee will earn the title that we covet oh so dearly: He who was right.
We accept these threats blindly because we are social creatures. We get our priorities confused because of the immediacy of the challenge. We think not “does this event matter to me” but rather “does this person’s opinion of me matter to me”, and our answer is inevitably yes. A more careful consideration of our true desires paired with developing a sense of comfort with ourselves can help us better decide what we truly care about while fighting only the fights that actually matter.
If an opinion that differs from yours is presented politely and with valid points, it’s one to be considered. If challenged aggressively for the sake of creating conflict, there’s an easy solve. Perhaps the simplest and most effective way to end a pointless argument (and many are pointless) is with one simple word. “Okay”. “Cool”. “Thanks”. You can acknowledge ideas without accepting them, and you can concede an argument that isn’t worth your time and energy, ultimately making it a non-argument. “You’re the worst _______ I’ve ever seen.” “Okay.” There’s not much for you to gain from such a conversation, but you can help quell an ego by refusing to engage.
If we seek to understand rather than to win, then we either learn something, we teach something, or both. That’s a much better outcome than a zero-sum game that ends in dissonance between parties.
Don’t get this mixed up — running away from conflict is a selective practice, and depends on having an ability to determine which conflicts offer little value in your life. When you run into issues that you care about, please fight. Save your energy for these battles and refuse to back down. Absolutely stand up for what you believe in to advance yourself and help others. When it matters, make it really matter. Learn to decide when issues pertain to principles you care deeply about versus when they pertain solely to how others perceive you. Know that you can choose, because you’re in control.
Give it a shot — try to back down from a conflict, however small, that offers no true value to you. Heck, you may even make someone else happier by giving them what they deem to be a “win”. Create more polarity between what you care about and what you’re wasting time over, fighting harder for what matters to you and ignoring more of what doesn’t. Pick your battles wisely, and don’t be afraid to run away every now and then. You won’t do it.
-Chris
Thanks for reading. You can find more of my thoughts at Life In Questions.
Chris Ackroyd
Hey, I’m Chris. I created Life In Questions in hopes of helping people to think a little bit differently. I’m all about people, learning, sports, and the game of life. I believe that our minds shape how we live, act, and behave, and that by being more aware of ourselves, we can live happier and more successful lives.