Rules Unlearned?: Acceptance

Welcome back! Last time, we focused on awareness, the cornerstone of self-discovery. Here, we’re diving into acceptance—the key to moving forward from the past. If awareness shows us where we are, acceptance teaches us how to move forward.

“Enduring means accepting. Accepting things as they are, not as you wish them to be, and then looking ahead, not behind.” – Rafael Nadal

What Acceptance Really Means

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, agreeing, or lowering your standards. It means seeing reality as it is—without the cloud of judgment or the stories we create.

Acceptance comes from the Latin word acceptare, meaning "to take or receive willingly." It's about embracing the truth-separating fact from fiction.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We all do it.

Our brains love shortcuts, but these mental shortcuts can limit us. When we cling to these stories, we lose touch with reality.

Personal Story: The Teenage Sigh

Here’s a perfect example from my life. One day, I asked my teenager to help with the dishes and got a big sigh in response. My first thought? “They’re being disrespectful.”

But I paused, took a breath, and asked, “Hey kiddo, everything okay?” Their response surprised me: “I don’t mind helping, Dad, but I wish my brother would pitch in more.”

The sigh wasn’t about me—it was a different story than the one I had created in my head. (And for the record, I'm far from perfect on this... just ask my kids!)

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” – Ana?s Nin

A Work Story: The Missed Goal

About a decade ago, I was in a meeting looking at some performance numbers - a graph where the line was clearly going up... but we wanted it to go down.

"We're underperforming" says the big boss. But... are we really?

Objective truth: The number of bad things is increasing every month for the past seven months.

Objective truth #2: The bad things as a percentage of volume is going down (good).

So the idea of 'underperforming' is a story. We accept that the data tells different stories based on perspective. And even if both pictures were going up, bad compared to what?

How to Practice Acceptance

Acceptance is a skill that gets easier with practice. Here’s how to start:

• Pause and Breathe: When emotions rise, take three deep breaths. This calms your nervous system and gives you space to respond thoughtfully.
• Check the Facts: Ask yourself: What are the objective facts? Imagine a camera recording the situation - what is your evidence?
• Challenge the Story: Once you’ve identified the facts, the rest is story. You can then evaluate with a question like - "What is really going on here?"

How to Build the Habit

• Build on the Check In: In the last edition we talked about doing a check-in throughout the day. Once you get location (awareness) then check for acceptance.
• Journal: Reflect daily on moments where you may have created a story. Ask, “What could I have accepted instead of reacting?”
• Start Small: Practice acceptance in low-stakes situations—a delayed email, traffic jams—so it’s easier when the stakes are higher.

An Example of this in Action

• Someone you need help from isn't returning your emails (stimulus)
• You notice your little rubber band and decide to check-in. You notice your thought ("This person is irresponsible").
• You accept that you're frustrated. Knowing this, you take a few deep breaths to slow things down
• You move deeper into acceptance - Is it really true that this person is irresponsible? What else could be going on here? All I really know is that I pushed "send" - it could have gone to spam. Their assistant could have dismissed it... lots of other reasons!

With practice, this can all happen in a matter of seconds.

Why This is So Hard (and Why It’s Worth It)

Letting go of control is tough, especially if you've spent years being "right." But judgment drains your emotional energy. When you separate fact from fiction, you take control—of your mind, your energy, and your power to move forward. This is because your energy is not focused on the uncontrollable past, making it more available for evaluating new possibilities and choices for the future.

Conclusion: Acceptance is Your Superpower

Acceptance isn’t about lowering expectations or being passive. It’s about freeing yourself from the stories that keep you stuck. By accepting reality, you gain the freedom to respond with clarity and purpose.

Remember, life isn’t about controlling every outcome—it’s about navigating what comes your way with intention.

Let’s keep unlearning together—because the best is yet to come!

#Support

Acceptance is tough. Share your story - it might be just what someone else needs!

#Gratitude

Rules Unlearned is born out of a decade plus of my experiences and learnings, and while it's impossible for me to cite literally hundreds, if not thousands of podcasts, articles, conversations, courses, certifications and books, I do want to acknowledging the collective works of the Conscious Leadership Group, Unbeatable Mind, and iPEC, all of which were very helpful in being where I am today.