The Rules For "Executive Presence" Are Outdated - What To Try Instead

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In one of my early human resources days of working for a executive operations leader, we were winding down a long conversation about human resource policies and people growth. I’d offered my insights and recommendations to him, based on best practices and feedback from employees. When meetings were over, whether the topic got boring for him or the time was simply up, he was known to wrap up abruptly, move on, or leave the room. But in this instance, he left me with this comment as he walked out of the office door. “You’re not like most HR folks I’ve worked with. You’re really direct, and many people aren’t going to know how to handle you.”

I’m glad he was on his way out the door because I didn’t have any coherent response to that remark. I knew that about myself, but what do I do with that? I mean, he was direct and people figured out how to handle him. What was it that I wasn’t like a typical HR person? Human resources is a women-dominated field, according to Statista—over 75 percent of HR managers are women. Was I different because my qualities of a direct, no-nonsense, and unemotional woman weren’t expected compared to the rest of my colleagues?

His comment wasn't new to me. My whole life, I've often been told I'm too direct. For many years, I was self conscious about this personality trait and worked hard to stuff it down and try to adapt to other approaches. Once I finally learned to accept this trait later on in my corporate days, I used my “tell it like it is” style as an HR director to communicate the good, bad, and ugly to the CEO when it came to leading change, managing acquisitions, and being honest with him about what decisions would not sit well with employees.?

Now running my own business, I see my objective, unemotional style and directness as a competitive advantage. I can remain cool and calm in my clients’ most heated and messy situations and tell them what they need to hear, not always what they want to hear.

What about you? Do you ever hold back because you’ve been told you were too bossy, sensitive, direct, or emotional at work?

Women leaders often get these labels even though they exhibit similar behaviors to their male counterparts. What women have been told is “unlikeable” about them can create can create self-doubt, and keep them conforming to someone else’s leadership style. My clients admit the amount of time they spend trying to censor this "unlikeable" trait is exhausting and it kills their confidence. In all their efforts to generate more "executive presence" they overanalyze their approach toward hitting a narrowly defined and moving target.

I don't teach rules for "executive presence" as I believe it's an outdated, masculine expectation that hurts all genders. It was coined in a workplace built by men for men. (And why aren't more leaders concerned with their "employee presence" - how they show up to their team?) Still, it's stifled the unique approaches of both the men and women I've had the opportunity to coach over the years. They were afraid to show up with an approach may not fit the narrow expectation. This leaves voices silent, ideas unheard, status quos unquestioned.

Instead, I ask you to consider this instead of trying to achieve "executive presence" - what if your “flaws” are actually your greatest gift and competitive leadership edge?

In order to boost your peace, your potential and your paycheck, it's time to consider this, what if all the qualities you’ve been scared to demonstrate are exactly what you need to be successful? Try this reframe:

Boost Your Peace

Own the unique approach that only YOU can bring to a situation. What does your unique approach allow you to see or do that others cannot?

Try this: Because I am ________, I am able to _________.

• Because I am sensitive, I can read the needs of our team.
• Because I am assertive, I tackle hard challenges most people shy away from.
• Because I am direct, I am clear in communicating needs and outcomes.

Boost Your Potential

Remember that anyone can be a great leader if they own what makes them amazing and use it in a healthy way to create change, positively impact others, and get results that matter. I’ve worked with leaders at all levels across the country, and the best leaders are self-aware leaders. A key part of growing yourself, and your team, is leading with your unique approach while also aligning your approach with your values and creating the desired energy you want in a room.

For me, I learned I could balance my directness with my values of love or respect.

My unique approach + a value of mine .

Try this: I can be _________ and _________.

You can be:

• Direct and genuine.
• Sensitive and courageous.
• Assertive and loving.
• Bold and respectful.
• Emotional and balanced.

Boost Your Paycheck

Are you part of a leadership development program that helps you cultivate your unique gifts, or are you spending your energy working to be more like your CEO, boss, or admired colleague? What would serve you best in the long run for your health, happiness, and success?

It's time to stop conforming and start confidently choosing yourself—when you spend your energy trying to show up like someone else, you lose the power that makes you you.

Ask this: What are three situations that call for the unique approach that only I can bring? How will I use this approach to make an impact?

Note: Today's newsletter features content from an exclusive module to the Clarity & Confidence On-Demand course! Get discounted access until 6/21/24!

Kelli Thompson is a leadership & executive coach, award-winning speaker and author who is on a mission to help women advance to the rooms where decisions are made. She offers executive coaching, leadership workshops and keynote speaking to lead with more clarity and confidence.