The Rule of Assholes

I was waiting in a line of cars to pick up my daughter from her first day at a new middle school. When she got into the car, she burst into tears. A "mean girl" had said hurtful things, trying to put her down. My daughter crumbled, unsure how to respond.?

That’s when I told her about the Rule of Assholes.

What is the Rule of Assholes?

The term "asshole" typically describes someone who consistently displays self-centered, inconsiderate, or rude behavior, often at the expense of others. These people lack empathy, disregard social norms, and seem oblivious to the impact of their actions.?

Unfortunately, dealing with these personalities is part of the human experience. From high school to professional organizations, clubs, jobs, and even companies I've run, difficult people appear everywhere.?

But here's the rule: Picture a bell curve.

• One out of ten people will be an asshole.
• One out of ten will be a best friend, ally, or champion.
• The remaining eight people fall somewhere in between, with the potential to become friends, colleagues, or positive connections.

When I explained this to my daughter, it made sense. It helped her see that the "mean girl" wasn't a reflection of her worth but simply one of those inevitable one-in-ten.

Applying the Rule in Business

In our professional lives, we encounter coworkers, bosses, and clients who embody this "one-in-ten" principle. Over the years, I've found ways to handle them effectively:

• Difficult Coworkers: I disarm them by refusing to let their behavior impact my team. I have found humor to be an effective, non-confrontational way of neutralizing them.
• Toxic Bosses: I walk away when possible, recognizing that their negativity can harm my growth and team morale. If leaving the team or company is not an immediate option, I maintain my self-worth and focus on setting and achieving goals outside my boss's interference.
• Abusive Clients: I've fired clients who mistreated our customer service team. In fact, on our company website, under "Who We Are," one of our values was "No Assholes." Prospective clients appreciated this transparency — it showed them exactly who we were.

A Lifelong Lesson

This bit of fatherly wisdom helped my daughter navigate her tough day. And it’s helped me build stronger teams and healthier company cultures.

The truth is, assholes are unavoidable. But how we respond is within our control. We can choose to protect ourselves, our teams, and our sense of worth by recognizing who belongs to that "one-in-ten" and refusing to give them power over us.?

Over to You?

How do you handle the "assholes" you encounter in business or life?

Orrin

In case you missed it, you can check out Moments of Truth: The Leadership Playbook That Transformed My Businesses.

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