Rounding Your Edge: Changing Your Results By Changing Your Thinking

Ouch that hurt, I once again cut someone trying to be the smartest in the room again. It was following a meeting this past week with my peers that I found myself critiquing the way I had literally "rail-roaded" the conversation, failing to collaborate, and even less inspiringly; allowed the passion behind my message to completely overshadow my awareness of how it was being heard which it flat out wasn't. Time to reflect on this one for a minute...

When I published Rounding The Edge: An Inside-Out Approach To Personal Development last year, I looked back and reflected on the 12 months I spent writing about my own personal transformation; a true transformation of my character. What became overwhelmingly clear to me was how my success and growth over that period had been directly related to my change in thinking. Quite often we put entirely too much weight on trying to change the people and circumstances around us to move closer to our goals. I used to think the harder you worked at something, while convincing the most people to support it was the absolute best way to accomplish it. Boy did I get it wrong...

I was listening to a call by one of my mentors Paul Martinelli who is President of the John Maxwell Team last week, and he rattled off one of his most profound one-liners that "belief drives behavior". This idea assumes that at any point in time we have the power to choose and change what we believe and follow that with action around habits that can move us forward towards our goals. Making that choice has absolutely nothing to do with what other people think and/or what circumstances we have to overcome to achieve our goals. Whether we like it or not we have zero control over people or circumstances. Our effectiveness instead is a direct result of our habits of thought and the daily self discipline we put behind the actions that follow our thoughts.

   "Belief Drives Behavior"-Paul Martinelli

When we change our thinking to focus on personal growth instead of trying to put our energy into changing other people or other circumstances, we greatly expand the possibilities for our potential. The best way to change that thinking is to open ourselves up to be vulnerable by changing the way we approach personal growth and actively inviting others to help us discover how we can grow as communicators.

Let's explore further what I mean by revisiting what I outlined in my book as, The Potential Trap. There are 3 sharp edges that I found were cutting others and even though I have rounded out those edges over the last 12 months, I still find them sticking out when I don't actively manage them in both group and one on one interactions as was the case last week. I don't mean cutting others in the literal sense, but in my efforts to communicate with others I found myself "cutting off" the connection in how people were hearing my leadership. What I realized was that at least one of these 3 fatal flaws would surface in my communication efforts throughout the day and were limiting my influence. Let's explore each and how reframing your mindset can greatly change your results.

Sharp Edge #1: Vanity

When we make the way we communicate about us, our agenda, or only our interests we greatly limit the way others respond to our leadership. People want to collaborate and feel included in the way goals are set and how the team actually achieves them. When we approach a presentation, initiative, or even a relationship with a more inclusive approach to developing both the vision and the way it is accomplished, we also greatly increase the commitment level from those that follow. It may seem obvious when looking at a problem from a 3000-foot view, but it can be just as easy to get lost in the weeds and alienate others when the pressure is on to get things done. When I reflected on this challenge further I realized that in my case as a leader I was operating from the perspective that the boss is always supposed to be right! Therefore, we lead people by trying to remain strong, confident, and always in control of the answers. Anything BUT is true when it comes to influencing others and almost nothing can seem more uncomfortable then letting our guard down with our team.

What I am learning through my journey as a leader is that growing a team, growing the results, and growing ourselves is more a function of being vulnerable then it is about always being right. When it comes to effectiveness with people, authenticity trumps the comfort zone that comes from our own vanity. When we demonstrate the courage to believe and act on the idea that other people add value to our growth and have perspectives that complement ours, we greatly expand our circle of influence with others. Replace the vanity of YOU being at the center of your thoughts with the authenticity of your character and you will experience a new level of effectiveness with people and personal goal achievement.

   "Growing a team, growing the results, and growing ourselves is more a function of being vulnerable than it is about always being right. When it comes to effectiveness with people, authenticity trumps the comfort zone that comes from our own vanity. "

Sharp Edge #2: The Finish Line

One of my favorite Ken Blanchard quotes from his book, The Heart Of A Leader goes something to the effect of, "the problem with being in the rat race is that even if we win the race we are still a rat". For most of my adult life I have been obsessed with getting to my career goals faster and younger than everyone else around me. It wasn't until earlier this year at 35 when I transitioned from a corporate leadership role to starting my own business that I realized how important it is throughout your life to slow down. A very cold hard fact is that the race of life is not a competition with anyone else but ourselves. When we approach every goal and relationship with the perspective of trying to achieve only a defined outcome, we greatly miss out on the opportunity to enjoy the journey along the way. When it comes to relationships with your employees this couldn't be more true. While it is important to keep employees focused on outcomes, it is more relevant to keep them engaged in the process that is getting there. The same holds true for our own personal development goals which have no finish line. The finish line is when you are dead, and trust me there will be nobody there in the end to tally up the score on how you performed against others. The race is only with yourself.

When I started to focus my energy around setting long-term goals that were growth purposed and focused on the enjoyment in the process of working towards them, I found myself exceeding expectations more often. Slowing down to reflect and BE IN THE MOMENT provided me the opportunity to continuously analyze how my thinking was impacting my actions and then recalibrating in the moment instead of just just chasing a target.

The same holds true when it comes to leading our people. Teach your employees that effectiveness comes from focusing on the process and not the final destination. The destination is nothing more than a by-product of performing ordinary disciplined tasks in our lives with extraordinary consistency. When we invest our energy in doing the small things daily, the BIG things take care of themselves.

   "Teach your employees that effectiveness comes from focusing on the process and not the final destination. The destination is nothing more than a by-product of performing ordinary disciplined tasks in our lives with extraordinary consistency. When we invest our energy in doing the small things daily, the BIG things take care of themselves."

 Sharp Edge #3: Self-Awareness

I don't know of anything more uncomfortable than choosing to be uncomfortable. We all like that little circle that surrounds us we call our comfort zone. Everything we do in that circle looks and feels safe. The challenge when it comes to our personal development is that in order to GROW we have to be willing to GO and with that comes stepping out of that little circle.

The most effective way to grow, is to be be constantly evaluating the way we communicate by reflecting on our choice of words, body language, tone, and most importantly, actively inviting others into the process that is giving us feedback. The message is not about 'what we say' or 'how we say it', but instead 'how it is heard'. I am going to quote one of my favorite authors, Ken Blanchard once again when he says, "feedback is the breakfast of champions". Are you actively inviting feedback in your life and from your team? Are you choosing to exercise the courage to allow those who rely on you or who you partner with to help you discover your blind spots? Growth is an intentional process. There is nothing more valuable than not only inviting constructive feedback, but flat out being hungry for it. Don't wait for feedback, but instead go out hunting for it. When we bring other people into the journey that is our personal development we grow our awareness level well beyond what we could ever see on our own. That is where real development happens and we can drive our own outcomes with an eye for seizing opportunities instead of just waiting for them.

   "There is nothing more valuable than not only inviting constructive feedback, but flat out being hungry for it. Don't wait for feedback, but instead go out hunting for it."

Rounding Out Your Edges

I hope you have a better understanding for what might be slowing your growth and your effectiveness in growing your own team. A change in thinking this week is energizing me to go back to that same group I met with last week and alter my approach so the message is heard the way I actually intend it. Sometimes when we get out of our own way by simply changing our mindset, oh...how our results dramatically change almost instantly. Put some effort into rounding out your edges and growing your leadership in the process. When we grow our leadership, we grow our influence. And results with people or anything else we set out to achieve always comes back to our ability to grow and lead ourselves first. Growth is what happens when action follows the right pattern of thinking.

For more information on the application of rounding the edge, please visit my website or register below for my upcoming virtual mastermind class in November on John Maxwell's, "Developing The Leaders Around You". We will explore how to orchestrate an effective personal development plan for you and your team and experience it through John Maxwell's proven concepts for expanding your influence in all facets of your life.

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