The root cause of anxiety & a lemon

Hey there,

First of all, I want to tell you that you ROCK!

This newsletter is just a little under one week old and already has over 720 subscribers. So here's a big "thank you" from the bottom of my heart! ??????

But you didn't just come here to collect a "thank you", did you?? :)

One of the questions that I get a lot, is:

"Where does anxiety actually come from"?

Now when we look at different sources, there's no clear answer. We know what contributes to anxiety, but not what actually caused it.

Yet, knowing what caused it, is SO IMPORTANT. If we don't know what caused something, how can we cure it and more importantly, not get it again going forward?

What I can say though, is that having anxiety or even depression comes always down to one or more of these three things. Are you ready for that??

1. Believing that you are not enough and there's something wrong with you. That thought is really a big one and it comes in many shapes or forms. Probably everyone has thought it once in a while.

I'm not good enough. I'm not thin enough, pretty enough or fast enough.

I'm not enough as a mother, father, spouse or partner...

2. Believing that you are different from others. That was a HUUUUGE one for me.

I'm not as confident as others, as clever as others, as nice looking as others.

That's literally what I thought for a very long time. It started in school. I sucked at maths for example. And constantly compared myself to maths geniusses (wait, I'm not even sure what the plural of a genius is, but who cares right now??) and forgot conveniently at the same time that I was amazing at dealing with people and phenomenal at learning languages. But I kept on repeating to myself that I just not good enough at maths, i.e. not good enough at school, i.e. not good enough as a person and guess what? My mind started to look for evidence for exactly that! It's like a self-perpetuating prophecy!!

And the last one:

3. Believing that what you want is not available for you. Another big one for me, I'm telling you.

I will never be able to make that much money or reach such a position like xzy.

I genuinely believed such stuff. I'm a master of comparing myself in the most crazy way. And it's not always a bad thing. But if you keep on doing this and beating yourself up about it that you will never reach a certain place or be a certain way, then it becomes a bit dangerous because ...

Our brain always does what it thinks we want it to do.

It keeps on looking for evidence to support what we are already thinking. And it makes these things even bigger. It follows exactly the instructions we are telling it. What we are suggesting to it.

This is not woo woo stuff, my friends. It's a fact. You can even try it out if you want to.

You ready for a little exercise? Ok, then, let's go. If you don't like lemons, please ignore it!!

Imagine a lemon. Make this lemon the most perfect lemon you have ever seen. The lemon is the perfect colour of yellow. Imagine that you can see the lemon in great detail. You can see the pores in the skin of the lemon. You can see where the stem attaches. You can see the waxiness of the rind and you can see how the light is reflected from the parts of the lemon. Imagine the lemon is so real that you could reach out and touch it. When it seems that real, just reach out and grab the lemon with your hand. Feel the lemon in your hand. It's a cool, nice and smooth feeling. You squeeze it gently. You let loose, then squeeze again.

The lemon feels just perfect, not too cool, not too warm. You just know, it's the perfect, most tasty and juicy lemon that you could wish for right now. You can feel the texture of the skin against your fingers and as you bring the lemon closer to you, you begin to catch a hint of the wonderful fresh scent it has. Imagine you are standing in a kitchen, in front of a counter and on that counter is a chopping board and a knife. Place the lemon on the chopping board in front of you, pick up the knife, hold the lemon with one hand and slice it in half with the other hand.

Watch as the blade cuts into the lemon, releasing a spray of lemon juice into the air. The air is filled with fresh lemon. So fresh, so nice. You feel the scent going up your nose, and your mouth is filling with water. You want to taste it so badly. A little bit of lemon juice runs down your fingers. You feel the scent becoming stronger as you are looking closely at the inside of the lemon. You are cutting the lemon into wedges and taking a wedge and placing it into your mouth. You bite into it. Just feel the juice washing over your tongue, sour and a little sweet at the same time. Refreshing. Amazing. So nice, just as you are swallowing that lemon juice.

So?

I'd be curious to hear from you in the comments what you experienced. Who wants to share?

What I want you to take away from this newsletter is:

Watch how you talk to yourself. What what you say to yourself on a daily basis. Watch what you say to yourself when things don't go perfect.

It's not about saying to yourself that things were great when they weren't.

What is is about is:

Oh, you stupid cow, you've screwed that up again VERSUS

Oh well, that didn't really quite go according to plan. Super annoying.

Acknowledge how you feel, allow yourself to be angry. Only then proceed into look what could be done better next time.

What you say to yourself, will eventually become true!

And what would you like to be true about yourself?